|New to the Playground, a Q and A column on politics by Frank, a
great American patriot. Confused about the war in Iraq and the events after
9/11? Write Frank and let him straighten you out!
Could you please explain what a war in Iraq has anything to do with
the tragedy of 9/11?
--Confused in White Plains
Sure-- Saddam is an Arab and the terrorists were Arab scumbags; ergo,
kill all Arabs. The end.
Why must the United States always bomb when a diplomatic effort
could be used to solve a crisis?
--Miffed in Missouri
I dunno-- why is your Commie, Pinko, Lib ass still here in the Greatest
Nation in the World if you don't like how we do things! Go to Iraq-- they'll
love you there! And say hello to your pal, Bin Laden, for me!
I read your last response to "Miffed in Missouri," in which you
pulled out the old chestnut, "If you don't like it here, go to Iraq." Why
do hawks constantly believe that the only other alternatives to the United
States is Iraq? What about Canada, and countries that make up all of Europe,
Australia, Latin America, Africa, and Asia?
--Befuddled in Biloxi
Easy, jackass-- cuz they ain't real countries! Next!
You keep saying that President Bush is the greatest president we
ever had. How can you say that, considering other greats like the Roosevelts,
Lincoln, Kennedy, and the Founding Father, himself?
I can say that because I have a fourth grade level education in history.
Let's see you top that, Genius!
Do you honestly believe everything that Bush says, even the stuff
that doesn't make sense?
--Incredulous in Waco, Texas
Of course I do-- I wouldn't be a true American patriot if I didn't!
Why must you confuse blind, unquestioning support of the US government
with true patriotism?
--Freethinking US Citizen
I dunno-- why don't you ask your French, pastry-eating, c*cksucking,
Communist bastard friends of yours? They can help you with that one!
This concludes this week's column of "Ask Frank, a Real American
Patriot." If you would like to contact him, you're SOL, because we lost
the address and couldn't care less where it is. But frankly, can you blame