Blow By Blow Account of Hilton Tape
For those so desperate to see the tape, they would even whack off to a transcript of it. Note: this is not a joke. This is a transcript of the actual tape.

[Audio: Tape starts, grainy, and green from night vision. Extreme close-up shot of the lower half of a female body in dark green nightvision being repeatedly slammed by a weenie. Sound: Paris moaning, and the sound of a woman's voice from a television playing in the background, plus nasty, icky, wet sounds of vaginal penetration. The camera pans up and down between Paris's upper torso as she writhes and pulls at her shaven snatch, and Salomon's ween as he thrusts. She has raccoon makeup on.]

Paris (moaning): Hmmph!

Television (babbling conversation between two women): [unintelligible]

Salomon (groaning like he's getting a back wax): Oo! *Gasp!* Oo-oo! 

Paris: Moan! Gasp!

Salomon: Oh! *Gasp!* Aw! *Gasp! Aw! *Gasp!* Aw! *Gasp!* Au-au-au!

Salomon (groaning): Ah! I... [unintelligible]... your pussy!

[Video and audio: Very, very, very grainy black and white footage of a bed with an ornate, brass headboard, viewed from the front, looking towards the back.]

Paris (suddenly appearing out of nowhere, jumping into camera shot and looking at us): Hi! A-hmmph! (little laugh)

[she crawls in and out of shot on her hands and knees like a kid with ADD. She's humming ditzily. Salomon is on his back, very quiet and calmly stroking his manhood.]

Salomon and Paris: [unintelligible conversation]

[Paris starts to mount him]

Paris (backing off): I don't wanna do this one.

Salomon: [unintelligible]

[She moves away, childishly biting her thumb, then rolls onto her stomach, mugging and grinning into the camera like a goofball.]

Salomon: [unintelligible]... [He gets up and positions himself next to her.] C'mere. 

[Paris-- still looking into the camera-- turns sideways and goes on her hands and knees. Salomon grabs her ass and prepares to do it doggy style, when we hear Paris' cell go off]

Paris: [unintelligible mumble] ... my phone. [She goes off camera to answer it.]

Salomon: Fuck your phone! ...[unintelligible] ...turn it off! [unintelligible mumble]

Paris: [unintelligible]... Fred! (sounds like she's saying, "Fucking Fred," or "It's probably Fred.")

[Paris is off camera. Salomon is on his haunches waiting for her. He grunts, looks at the camera and strokes himself. Paris immediately comes back, still mugging and grinning into the camera, facing us.]

Salomon: Turn the other way, sweetie so they can see what... [unintelligible]

[Paris turns to the side once again and is on her hands and knees. Salomon then begins doing her doggy style.]

Salomon (groaning and thrusting): Uhf! Uhf! Aw! Aw

[obvious lapse in tape]

Salomon (still groaning and thrusting): Uhf! Uhf! Ohhh, yeah! Aw! Aw! Oh, yeah! Aw! 

[Paris, who was lower on her stomach, then rises up and completely mugs and smiles for the camera like she's in a fashion shoot.]

Salomon: You want... [unintelligible]... in there or just you?

Paris (childishly, almost in baby talk, grinning): Meeeee.

Salomon: Alright.

[He pulls out. Paris lies flat on her stomach again and Salomon mounts her again]

Salomon: Aw! Grunt!

[More lapse in tape. Next we see Salomon dismounting and rolling over onto his back.]

Salomon: ...that's alright... I want you to get on top of me and face that way... 

[Paris gets up, looks at the camera again]

Salomon: ...so they can see how pretty you are...so they get to see what I get to see...

[Salomon is on his back, and Paris continues to mug for the camera. She mounts him with her back towards him, but facing the camera.]

Salomon: You gotta go straight up.

[She moves, and there are a lot of flashing pupils here because of the nightvision. She keeps moving her hips sideways and grinning. She starts riding him. Realizing her head is not in the shot, she bends her neck sideways.]

Salomon: Groan! Groooooooooooan!!!!

[Visual: Color is better and sharper, but it's still green because of the nightvision and the edges are dark. We see a close-up of Paris's head, neck, and shoulders. She has really bad raccoon makeup around her eyes and has her mouth open and looks spaced out. The television is blaring on in the background featuring the act of an angry black standup.]

Television: No! Mah name is Shaka-- proud African black man, Mutha-fucka! [Audience laughter]

[Paris reaches out and adjusts something on the camera. Then she turns and starts fellating Salomon.]

Paris (head moving up and down, moaning and humming): Huh-mmmmm.... Hmmm...

Television: Shit! Call me Steve! Call me Bob! [Audience laughter]

Paris: Hmmm... [smack noise]

Television: What's in a mutha-fuckin' name? Cuz pain will make you fo'git yo' name! But that's okay, Caucasians... your time is coming. [audience laughter]

Paris: Huhhhmmm....

Television: Look around... We ain't gonna use no [unintelligible]... We just gonna knock the [unintelligible]...out! Pow!