Let's face it-- there are a lotta horny guys with no lives out there
wanting to get their jerk on, which explains the huge number of pay per
sites out there. Make the rounds, and you'll find your average, slickly
produced, run of the mill porn sites. But what about the really unusual,
funny, silly, or just plain interesting ones? Take a tour with the Playground
and see what it had to say about them.
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JIM SLIP'S UK STREET
SLUTS
This has got to be the Playground's all time most favorite sites, just
because it combines two things it likes best: British comedy and sex. Picture
it: a past his prime, very talkative, middle-aged, Robin Leech-type
codger banging skanky 'Ello, Guvnah, Spice Girls-type UK prostitutes on
camera. Who writes this stuff: Monty Python? Look at the trailers and laugh
your socks off at the UK banter-- it's Are You being Served meets
sex! "Cock is gorgeous!" says one UK Slut in a trailer. In the same trailer,
she's being screwed and says, "C'mon! Is that the best you can do?" Just
love the little descriptions the guy makes, too, of how he met some of
the girls. "I found [prostitute's name] near the garbage." ROFLMAO. Hey--
it's comedy! It's pornography! It's-- er, pornogredy! Gotta hand it to
the Brits-- they're witty even as they're screwing on camera.
FATGIRLS.COM
 Pinch
me-- I must be having a nightmare! When I initally saw the link for this
site, I thought it was harmless and would feature women of the chubby,
Monica Lewinsky variety. Dear God, I wish! These chicks make Fat Bastard
look like Pamela Lee Anderson. Wait till you get to page two of the "tour,"
so you can see "Hot Vids" of the 367 pound "Celine [»]", who looks
like the human version of melted ice cream.
BEEFYCHICKS.COM
Just when you thought it was safe to get back online... Ricki Lake
be damned! Big is not Beautiful when it's standing naked in front
of you with sagging bags of human skin flopping down to its knees. I wouldn't
do them with my best friend's d*ck, and I'm not even a guy!
HER FIRST
BIG COCK
Oh, puh-leeease. So lemme get this straight... men with small
weenies get to vicariously live out the fantasy of having a large one by
watching a guy with a large penis screw girls. LAAAAAAMMMEE!!
CREAMPIE
CUTIES
This site caught the Playground's interest, if only because of the
"gallery" of women involved. The headshots look really innocuous and innocent,
like Sears portraits. Then you click on each thumbnail, and, hello--! Too
much information! Yuck. How d'you like one lady (Electra) trying to
pass herself for 27, LOL! Either she really *is* 27 or she's seen wayyy
too much sun. Either way, she looks like Magda from There's Something
About Mary.
And some of these women are truly frightening to look at. I thought
you had to be good looking to be in porno?! Lita, Lita, Lita-- you poor,
deluded low self-esteemed, unnattractive little girl, I feel so sorry for
you. I know you did this porno out of the hopes of fulfilling your dreams
of becoming the "hot, unattainable porn star babe." But you are not looking
hot, honey. In fact, you couldn't be more cold if they cryogenically froze
you for a thousand years. The same goes for you, Angela.
Oh-- and how do you like that shot of a woman's poon with that stuff
dripping out? That's about as erotic as phlegm. Guys may think that is
soooo *hot,* but there's only one thing chicks think that looks like--
bacteria, with candida's name written all over it.
SEXYCOUPLE.COM
Thank God that in this world of racist m.f.'ers, interracial sex can
fluorish online in all its pornographic glory. Suck on it, rednecks! Mandingos
are screwing your precious white princesses, and having a blast! Primarily
interesting because the chick has this cool magenta hair and looks like
she could have a legitimate career as a character actress. Hmm... wonder
why she does it? Nice shot on the "free tour" page of a funnel filled with
man juice being shoved down a woman's gullet. Excuse me-- I'm gonna hurl
now.
MATURE
UNIVERSE
It's official: there is no God. Just when I thought I had seen it all,
just when I thought I had seen all there could be of the depravity of the
internet, along comes *this* site featuring *granny sex.* I had to see
it to believe it, and unfortunately in doing so, became legally blind as
of yesterday. What guy in his right mind would find banging an old hag
with a walker even remotely *hot*? Hey-- I've got an even better question:
what went through that redneck's mind when he found out he was going to
star in a porno with her?
Redneck: Wheee, doggy! I'm gonna star in wunna dem poor-nos!
Weeee-ha! Just show me th' way, Mr. Director Man. Don't need no fluff girl;
ah em good t'go!
Director: Alright, Mr. Billy Joe Bob, in your first porno, you'll
be screwing Ivana Mantesqrue, a vivacious cum-guzzling redhead who'll be
gobbing your nob like you wouldn't believe!
Redneck (rubbing his hands, drooling): I Wanna Man To Screw?
Hells, yeah! She sounds hoooot, hotter'n my cousin, Mary Joe Lynn! Bring
'er out! [Boooooooooingggg!]
Ivana (coming out with walker): Hello, sonny...
Redneck: Hello, Grandma! What are you doing here... oh, my GOOOOODDDD!
[hurls chunks]
THE BAIT
BUS
A different variation of the "let's get an unsuspecting schnook of
the street and put her on camera" pay site, this time of the gay variety.
Just love the caption underneath that picture featuring Mauricio. "The
look of a guy who has just had gay sex." LOL. Warning to very hetero males:
very heavy male on male action. Run away-- far away!
TRAILERTRASH.COM
And last, but not least, yet another one of those pay sites in a trend
of guys supposedly "searching" for women off the street to screw on camera.
Well, gotta give this guy credit-- going on the prowl for trailer park
babes: what a hysterical concept! Hey, it's more pornogredy!
More sites to come pending time...
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