My wife is jealous of my relationship with my daughter. I think that she acts mean towards my daughter. Her behavior is driving me away from her. I don't know how much of this I can take. What can I do?

One thing that I know is that women *in general* have a pretty hard time getting a long and *in general* are jealous of each other. Whether the women are related, friends, or what, the jealousies and competitions are usually there. Then throw in a man that both women care about and that is a recipe for disaster. Even if the two women have a totally different relationship with that man: as a husband and as a father. The feelings are still the same. Think of how wives and mothers-in-law are famous for not getting along! An example of this is that once I had a dream that my husband was seeing another woman. When I woke up I knew that the other woman in my dream represented my stepdaughter because that is how I felt, that she was his other woman and I felt just as jealous of her as if he were seeing another woman.

My husband and I have had a lot of issues and a lot of fights due to the same things that you are describing. I have a few questions for you. How do you treat your wife when your daughter comes over? Do you give your wife less attention, affection and love when your daughter is around? Your wife needs not just as much attention, affection and love when your daughter comes over, your wife needs MORE of those things not less! If you don't want your wife to be jealous and treat your daughter badly, you need to be sure to be loving and praising your wife more than normal when your daughter is around. Especially given your tight relationship with your daughter, your wife is going to need a lot of reassurance from you. Another question is, how does your daughter treat your wife? Before you answer this question, don't answer in regards to how your wife treats your daughter, that is not my question. My question is how your daughter treats your wife. Do you let your daughter get away with treating your wife with anything less than respect? How does your daughter treat your wife when you are not around? Your daughter needs to know from YOU what is acceptable and what is not. Do you act as if your daughter can do no wrong? If you do, that will certainly cause problems in your marriage, because you know that your wife has flaws and can do wrong, but by pointing those out to your wife and never dealing with your daughter's wrongs you are unintentionally pitting your wife against your daughter. She will *certainly* not treat your daughter as you want her to if she feels pitted against your daughter.

My marriage has been what you are describing and I can tell you that it CAN get better. But, you will need to make a big effort to make sure that your wife feels loved and secure--nobody who feels loved and secure feels jealous! You may not feel like being loving toward her (my husband didn't feel like being loving toward me), but I can tell you from first hand experience that the reason that your wife is acting the way that she is is because she is hurt and jealous and doesn't know how else to act out. She is *crying out* for your love and affection and attention. She doesn't even realize that she is pushing you away instead of drawing you closer (I sure didn't realise it!) She desparately needs your love. She may have other issues from her past that need to be addressed as well (AFTER you start making her feel loved and secure). I have a very colorful past and many hard issues that I have to work through. With love and support from my husband I am able to face my past and deal with those painful memories. I never had any idea how much my past abuses affect my marriage and how I relate to people in general.

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