Title: Fell In Love With A Girl
Author: Hito
Rating: PG
Feedback: hitokamei@yahoo.co.uk
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to ASP. The title belongs to the White Stripes.
Gilmore Girls Improv: Improv #11: automatic, sonata, leaves, pie
Author’s Note: Slash. Madeline/Louise
*
Louise loves Madeline. She knows this to be fact. It’s not something she has to think about; it just is. She can’t remember a time when it wasn’t.
Louise tries not to think.
*
She tries to keep the different areas of her life separate, but it’s hard sometimes, especially when she can’t quite decide which section something fits into.
It’s awkward being around Wayne with Madeline -- this week it’s Wayne; last week it was Thomas -- because she can sense Madeline’s discomfort, and it’s rubbing off on her. She wants to tell Madeline to get over it, to force her to relax, but she doesn’t want to call attention to it.
Louise’s mother has something playing softly in the background -- Moonlight Sonata, or maybe Midnight -- and it’s jarring her nerves, every note hitting a place she doesn’t want touched.
She wonders if her mother can sense the strain in the room, wonders why Wayne insisted on this. She wonders why she agreed, but she doesn’t want to know.
It’s more of a relief than she can handle when her mother rises to lead the way into the dining room.
She breaks up with Wayne the next day. She pretends she doesn’t see her mother’s disappointment.
*
Madeline reads children’s books. Louise doesn’t understand that, and she wishes it wasn’t so, but she doesn’t say anything.
Madeline’s reading one right now, curled up in an armchair by the window, the soft afternoon sunlight spilling across her lap, glinting off her hair. Her homework is lying on the table, a pie-chart half coloured in. Louise picks up the red marker and gets to work.
When she looks up again, Madeline is staring out the window. Louise wonders what she’s thinking, what she’s reading about, why she looks so sad.
It’s autumn, and there’s a chill in the air outside; the leaves are all red and yellow, slowly dying. It can’t be a pleasant view, however pretty it may look. But it’s warm inside, Louise has done Madeline’s homework for her, and there’s nothing to be unhappy about.
She doesn’t think she moved, but suddenly Madeline is looking up, and she’s seen Louise watching her. Louise is breathless, waiting for something she’s not sure of, trying to understand the emotion in those eyes.
After a moment, Madeline smiles, and goes back to her book.
*
When it happens, it’s completely unexpected.
They’re sitting in Louise’s car in her driveway, laughing about a teacher, when Madeline leans forward and kisses her.
She tells herself that it’s an automatic thing, to clutch at Madeline, to lean into her embrace. Nothing she can control.
And this is nothing, nothing, but she’s split open, spilling out of herself until she has nothing left, no secrets left to give anymore, nothing of herself.
Louise wants to pull away, but she’s flying, soaring above the world, and she can’t let go, even though she knows that she’s going to fall.
End.