Author: Stiney
Title: So Sad About Us
Rating: R
Warning: Slash, cussing
Summary: Face and Murdock's relationship has hit a serious bump can they fix things?
Disclaimer: Don't own the A-Team, as usual.:( The title and lyrics belong to the LOVELY Pete Townshend. 'The Shining' belongs to my boy Stephen King.
*****
So sad about us
Sad that the news is out now
Sad, suppose we can't turn back now
Sad about us
So bad about us
Bad - never meant to break up
Bad - suppose we'll never make up
Bad about us
Apologies mean nothing
When the damage is done
But I can't switch off my loving
Like you can't switch off the sun
*****
"Alright, Okay, later, bye." I sighed as I hung up the phone. Damn it, another night alone. I hated this, being alone all the time. Since we'd started working for Stockwell, it's been worse than when I was in the VA. At least then I got to spend more time with Face. And speaking of the lovely Facial One, over the past few weeks he's started to act very strange towards me, kinda distant. I was gonna talk to him tonight about it, but he called saying he had a painful migraine and couldn't come over. I know how stressful this situation is on the whole team, but Face seems to be taking it the hardest. 'Maybe things will be better if we talk,' I thought, sitting down on the couch to watch TV. Thirty minutes later I was just about to get up to go to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. 'Maybe that's Face; maybe he feels better,' I thought as I walked to the door.
"Hey, darlin'," I said as I opened the door, but stopped when I found Frankie looking at me.
"Hey, Murdock, were you expecting someone? Just thought I'd come by."
"No, Frankie, I guess not." I stepped out of the way so he could come in.
"Yeah, I came to see if you wanted to go to a movie or something. Johnny and B.A. are out, and Face has some hot chick at the house, so I left so I wouldn't be in the way." He kept talking as he sat in the chair.
As soon as I heard him say Face had someone with him, my stomach twisted into a giant knot.
"Murdock, hey, are you okay? You look kinda sick."
"Frankie, did you say Face had someone at the house?"
"Yeah, some blonde girl. Why?"
I hadn't heard him wrong; Face had someone at the house! I grabbed him by his arm.
"Come on, Frankie." I didn't notice how hard I had a hold on him till I saw a flash of panic in his eyes.
"Ow, Murdock!"
I let go as he stood up. "Sorry Frankie, sorry. I just... I need to see Face."
"Okay, calm down. We'll go."
I was jumping out of the car and heading for the front door of the house before Frankie fully parked the car. Walking into the living room, I found Face on the couch with the blonde in his lap kissing down his neck.
'How could he do this to me? Christ, I'm his best friend, his lover!' my brain kept screaming, and I opened my mouth to say something.
"You fucking liar!" I felt the strange urge to laugh when he looked at me and all the color drained from his face.
The girl looked at me then back to him. "Templeton, what's going on?"
"You wanna know what's going on?" I rushed across the room and grabbed her arm, pulling her to her feet. "The first thing that's going to happen is you're gonna leave."
She struggled against me as I pulled her towards the door. The whole time I was dragging the girl across the room Face just kinda sat there watching me in disbelief.
"Templeton, who is this? Get him away from me!"
I looked down at her.
"You wanna know who I am? I'll tell you!"
Face stood up and hissed at me, "Murdock, shut up!"
"No, I will not!" I spat back at him. I couldn't believe this was happening. I knew things were bad, but I didn't know it was this bad.
"I'm HIS fucking boyfriend!" I said to the girl as I pointed in Face's direction.
I let go of her just as Face came across the room and pushed me hard against the wall.
"I told you to stop!" he yelled at me.
"Why, Face? What's wrong? You know when we're alone it's alright. Actually, it's better than alright; you give it to me real good. But it's a different story when people are around, especially girls that you bring home behind my back."
I heard a noise come from the other side of the room and noticed Frankie standing out of the way with his mouth wide open.
The girl spoke for the first time since my revelation.
"You know what? You guys are sick! Templeton, do me a favor, don't ever call me again!" She slammed the door hard on her way out.
"Um, ah, I'm gonna leave too," Frankie stammered as he walked passed us.
As upset as I was, I wasn't surprised when tears started running down my cheeks. Through tear-blurred eyes I saw Face's expression soften, and he let go of me.
"How could you do this to me? If you weren't happy, all you had to do is tell me, just tell me."
He reached out to me, but I pushed him away.
"Murdock, no... I didn't mean..."
"No, Face, stop. I don't think I've ever been so hurt in my whole life." I turned and walked out the door. I saw Frankie sitting on the steps and sat next to him.
"Frankie, I'm sorry you had to find out like that." I watched him look at me.
"No, it's alright Murdock. Jeez, I'm sorry. Can I ask you something?"
I really didn't want to play twenty questions; I just wanted to get home, away from Face. But I at least owed Frankie an answer to his question after dropping such a bomb on him as we did.
"What?" I wiped a hand across my face as he asked his question.
"How long have you two been, ah, a couple?"
"Two years, but that doesn't matter now does it?"
"Do Johnny and B.A. know?"
"Nope, only you and that... biscuit know. Can we stop with the questions, please? My head hurts and I just need you to drive me home."
"Sure, Murdock."
#####
Alone, it finally hit me what just happened. "Oh, Murdock, I'm sorry." I flung the door open and looked around the front, but Murdock and Frankie were gone. I walked back in and closed the door.
The past few months being cooped up in this house, being watched like a hawk by Stockwell, had me going stir crazy. I felt like Jack Torrance from 'The Shining', "All work and no play makes Templeton a dull boy." It'd gotten so bad that I needed to prove to myself as well as others that I actually existed. I needed to show them I still had my good looks, my ability to pick up anyone I wanted, the same old, smooth Templeton Peck. So what did I do? Jumped into the car and went to find the first bar I could and brought home the first willing, able, warm body to keep me company, not even worrying that the one warm body I should want for company was spending another night alone. And that's how I ended up with that girl in my lap when Murdock came in.
I went and sat on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. 'This is low Peck, even for you. Murdock will never forgive you.' I'd just lost the person I cared most for in the world. I had to fix this somehow, I just didn't now what to do. I had been looking at the ceiling for awhile when I heard the door open, and in walked Frankie. I watched him look at me and shake his head in disappointment. I definitely didn't need Frankie judging the relationship between Murdock and me.
"Don't you dare judge me, Frankie. You don't know anything about us."
"No, Face, I guess I don't because I never thought you could hurt your best friend like you did tonight." He took one last look at me then left the room.
'Wonderful, just wonderful.' I stood up and went to the phone on the desk and dialed Murdock's number. After three rings he finally picked up.
"Hello?"
Any other time I could smooth talk anything out of anyone, but for once I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell the man that I love that I was sorry.
"Face? Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you."
I listened as he hung up the phone, the dial tone blaring in my ear. Hanging up the phone, I grabbed the car keys off the desk and reached for the door. Opening it, I saw Hannibal on the stoop.
"Face, what's wrong? Where are you going?"
"Hannibal, I have to see Murdock. I messed up big time, gotta fix it." I didn't care if he knew about us or not, as I ran to the car
Reaching Murdock's apartment, I knocked on his door. Not caring that it was almost 11:30, I loudly called out his name.
"Murdock, please let me in." I continued knocking until I heard him shuffle around the door.
"Go home. I'm not letting you in."
"I'm not leaving. I'll stay out here all night if you don't let me in."
"Fine by me. Have a nice night."
I heard him move away from the door and I reached in my jacket pocket for my lock picks, which of course weren't in there when I needed them the most.
"Shit. Well I guess I'll be staying right here then." I sat down by the door, settling in for a long night.
#####
I woke up to the phone ringing loudly.
"Hello?"
"Murdock, where's Face?"
At the question, I sat up.
"What? He's not there?"
"No, he said he was going to your place last night. What happened with you two?"
"Nothing. Hannibal, lemme call you back. I know where he is." I hung up the phone and went to the front door and opened it. Face fell backwards into the room. Dazed and sleepy, he looked up at me, and started to say something, but I cut him off.
"Stop, I'm not gonna talk to you. I'm not gonna let you in. Hannibal called looking for you, and you better get home before Stockwell gets more upset than I'm sure he already is." I watched him stand up.
"Murdock, please just talk to me. I'm sorry. That girl was nothing..."
Shaking my head I shut the door on him.
#####
I stood there shocked, not believing he'd shut the door on me like that. 'What did you expect? Oh, Face, I love you! I forgive you!' Turning, I walked towards the car to go home.
Hannibal was sitting on the couch when I came in.
"Come here, Face, I want you to tell me what's going on."
I sat in the chair across from him and decided it was time to bite the bullet and tell him everything.
"Hannibal, for the past two years I've been sleeping... no, in a relationship, with Murdock." I looked at him expecting anger, but there was none.
"And?"
"And? Aren't you angry? Don't you want to yell or something?"
"Face, I'm not dumb. I see things; some I address, but others I leave alone if I know it won't affect the team. Is that all that's wrong?"
I shook my head.
"No, that's not it. I've messed up. I was here last night with a woman, and Murdock caught me. Oh, Hannibal, what am I gonna do?" I buried my face in my hands. I felt Hannibal come near me and place a hand on my shoulder.
"You're going to fix things between you two, that's what. But I have some bad news. It's going to have to wait for a bit, which might be better anyway. Stockwell has us flying to Japan in about two hours to recover a client of his."
"Well, isn't Murdock going with us? I can talk to him on the plane. I'll surely have enough time."
"Murdock's not coming, kid. Stockwell set us up with another pilot."
As I listened to Hannibal my heart jumped into my throat.
"No, I have to see him before we leave." I couldn't leave knowing that something might happen and I may never see him again and the last thing I did was hurt him.
"Can't, we're late already. Frankie and B.A. are waiting for us.
"Let me at least call him, please?"
"Okay."
Hannibal walked out of the room as I got on the phone. When Murdock didn't answer I left a message on the machine.
"I know you're there listening to this. I'm sorry about last night, more than you'll ever know. I don't... well; we should talk about this face-to-face. I just need you to know that I love you." I heard Hannibal call out my name and I hurried to finish the call. "I love you Murdock. Bye."
#####
As upset as I was, it still took every fiber of my being not to jump on the phone when he called. God, I love him so much, but it seems that even after so many years as friends, I still don't understand him. 'Give it more time. Don't rush, let him sit around and wait.' I decided to get up, and go do something to get my mind off of Face.
After getting dressed, I headed out of the apartment, still not sure on where I was going. As I was walking around the corner I saw a girl with sandy blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a tee shirt and shorts, struggling with a huge box.
"Hey, hold on there. Lemme help you." I rushed over to her.
"Thank you so much! I've been back and forth for an hour, and you're the first person to even offer me help with this stuff." She smiled at me. "My name's Erika. I just moved in the other day."
"H.M. Murdock at your service, ma'am," I said as I helped her lift the box.
A few hours later we'd gotten all her stuff into her house and were sitting and talking over lunch in my apartment. I'd done good all day, not thinking that much about Face, but sitting still, my mind started to drift.
"Erika, excuse me for a minute. I gotta make a phone call." I walked into my room and called the house. When one of the Abels answered, I asked for Face.
"Captain Murdock, they've left. They won't be back for two weeks."
"What? They were sent on a mission without me?"
"I'm sorry, Captain, I can't tell you anything else. General Stockwell's orders."
I hung up the phone.
"Fucking bastard." I knew this was Stockwell's way of punishing me for the scene yesterday at the house.
'Damn it, Murdock, you shouldn't have acted like a raving...'
"Lunatic," I sighed. I remembered Erika in the living room and went back to join her. Walking into the room, I saw her looking at things on the bookshelf and saw her focusing on the one framed photo I had there.
It was a picture taken back when Face's and my relationship as a couple was new, just beginning, and he'd gotten me out of the VA and bought me a camera for Christmas. Nice camera, too. It came with one of those tripods and everything, but he gave me a better present when he'd told me for the first time that he loved me. I'd set up the camera and dragged him under the mistletoe, dipping him back and leaning over him for a kiss when the flash went off.
Noting my arrival, Erika turned towards me.
"I was just looking at your books. The man in the picture, he's your partner?"
"Was. Well, still is, sorta," I said still not even sure where Face and I stood.
"Oh, I'm sorry. The two of you look very happy together."
#####
When we finally got back home I was tired, hungry, and bruised from getting thrown all over Japan. I needed a bath. Sitting on the plane for 24 hours leaves someone feeling less than clean. I went upstairs and got a shower then rushed out the front door to see Murdock.
When I got to his apartment, I started to knock when I heard a female voice inside.
'What the hell?' I knocked and waited. When the door opened, a girl with blonde hair stood in the doorway.
"Oh, you're not the pizza guy. Come in, I think H.M. would like to see you." She smiled, letting me in.
"I'm Erika." She held out her hand and I shook it.
"Templeton."
"Erika, you got enough money for the pizza?" Murdock walked out of the kitchen and looked at me. "Face? What are you doing here?"
"Murdock." I crossed my arms over my chest, not wanting to talk in front of Erika
"Well, I'm gonna go. I'll pay you for half the pizza later, okay?" she said, looking at Murdock.
"Okay, Erika."
I watched her leave, and then looked at Murdock.
"Face, sit down. We need to talk."
I followed him and sat on the couch, watching as he faced me.
"Murdock, please. God, I'm so sorry about that girl. It was a stupid..."
He held up a hand stopping me from explaining anymore.
"Face just listen. I've been thinking, and I decided that we need to step away from this relationship for awhile. Maybe it would be better if you could date more than one person. I should have known not to try and tie you down. I still want us to be friends, okay?"
I watched him run through the speech like he'd practiced it a million times in the two weeks I'd been gone.
The doorbell rang.
"Hold on a minute."
Watching him get up and answer the door, I couldn't help but be upset that he came to such a decision without me. I knew I'd messed up, but I hoped we'd be able to work things out. I watched him pay for the pizza, and it hit me. He'd made this choice because of Erika. He'd met her and wanted me out of the way. That had to be the reason. He shut the door, put the pizza on the table, and sat down next to me.
"Face, you alright?"
'Alright? You just told me to take a hike. I'm fucking wonderful. Okay, if that's the way it's gonna be, fine I can play that game.'
" I'm fine, Murdock. I agree, I think this is for the best. I better go, don't want Stockwell sending someone to look for me." I stood up and tried to avoid making eye contact with him.
"Okay then. Here, lemme walk you out."
Driving home, I felt like a complete fool when I had to pull over to the side of the road, tears blurring my vision. Arriving home, I walked into the house and found Hannibal waiting for me.
"Face? Everything alright?"
"No, it's not. You know it was the usual: 'date other people, shouldn't have tried to tie you down, still friends speech.' It's not his fault. I can't be mad at him. This is my fault; it's all on me. Look Hannibal, I'm tired and I ache, I'm going to bed," I said walking past the couch, not even looking at him.
#####
I stood by the door for a long time after Face left trying not to give in to the tears, when the phone started to ring. I let the machine pick up, but answered it when I heard Hannibal's voice.
"Hannibal, what's up?"
"You tell me, Captain. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
"What?" Did he know about me and Face?
"Murdock, Face told me about the two of you before we left. He also told me what happened."
"Hannibal, it wasn't an easy decision for me, but I made it because it seems the right thing for both of us. I know Stockwell is pissed about the scene I made the other night, so I'm sure I won't be going on missions for a while. I'm sorry things got out of hand. This is what Face and I didn't want."
"Don't worry, Murdock, everything will be alright. The team will be fine. We'll be right here waiting for you."
"Listen, Hannibal, I gotta go." I hung up the phone and stood with my hands on the table trying to steady myself, as I suddenly felt dizzy. 'Get a grip, H.M., shit like this'll have you back in at the VA for sure.'
#####
It's been two months since Murdock and I started this little break of ours. I know it's more permanent than either of us said. I think he's dating Erika now. He hasn't come right out and said it, but he talks about her all the time. Of course, I was already talking to him. Only two weeks passed before I called him. We had a long talk, I explained and apologized to him about the girl and he told me that he forgave me, but told me we still couldn't be together. I couldn't live without him in my life, and if it was just as friends, so be it.
I was actually starting to feel a lot better until Stockwell came to us right before Thanksgiving with a job, an easy job. Help this guy named Bancroft get together with his daughter, and then we could be home eating turkey and enjoying the holiday.
All of that seemed so far away as I looked down at Murdock on the ground where I had just pushed him. 'My father!? He knew Bancroft could be my father and didn't tell me!?'
After getting up he started trying to explain why he chose not to tell me, and then I tried to speak, but he stopped me, talking about that's what he liked about us, we never had to trip over our lips apologizing.
I looked at him, this man that I loved, he had hidden from me the one thing I've never had but longed for so much, and my heart broke.
"Did you do this, keep this from me because I brought that girl home? Did you do this to get back at me?" I took a step back as he rushed over and grabbed my shoulders.
"Dear God, Face! Do you actually think I'd do something like that to get back at you? Aww, Facey, no."
I knew he wouldn't, but after all this, I wasn't totally sure what motivated Murdock.
He stepped closer, pressed himself against me, and started running his fingers lightly through my hair.
"Getting even with you was letting you think something was going on between me and Erika."
I looked up at him, confused.
"You mean there's not?"
"Nope, darlin', never was. I like blondes, but she's not my type, a little too female."
"Murdock." I sighed as he kissed my forehead then pulled me fully into his arms.
"I'm sorry, Facey. I know I can say it a million times, and it won't fix any of the hurt I've caused you. I didn't mean to. I was trying to protect you. I didn't want you to get hurt if I wasn't one hundred percent sure about Bancroft. God, I'm sorry I took that chance to know your father away from you. I never meant to. I love you."
"I know Murdock, I know."
#####
Face had talked to Ellen, his sister, at their father's grave before we left. Stockwell called and confirmed that Bancroft was, in fact, Face's father. After that we left to pick up the rest of the team. Face didn't say a word to me, nothing at all. When we'd started back to Virginia, he sat in the backseat of the van away from me. Hannibal looked back, and I shook my head, letting him know things would be okay even if they weren't right now. We were on the road for six hours before Hannibal decided it was time to stop for the night.
At the motel I took the key from Hannibal and didn't even wait for Frankie to come along to the room. Face still hadn't spoken to me, and that made it perfectly clear that he didn't want me around. I laid down on the bed with my head in my arms, praying Frankie wouldn't talk too much so I could get some sleep. I turned over when the door opened and saw Face walk in.
"Face, where's Frankie?"
"He's with B.A. Murdock, I need you."
I watched his eyes start to swim with tears and I pulled him down on top of me, wrapping my arms around him tightly.
"Babe, you got me." I ran my hands over his back soothingly as he started to sob against me. I whispered loving, calming words, trying to ease some of the pain that I was partially responsible for.
He fell asleep in my arms, and I hated waking him, if only momentarily to get him under the covers. I crawled back in bed with him and drew him to me. He mumbled something against my shoulder, and I moved back to look at him.
"What'd you say, Facey?"
He turned over and rolled onto his side away from me.
"How could you love me? No one can, not even my own parents."
I moved up behind him and slid my arm around his waist.
"Sweetheart, I do. I love you more than anything on Earth, and I know your parents did too. I don't know why they left, but I can promise you I never will. I don't care how long it takes, but I'll prove it to you." I felt him relax against me as I kissed his neck softly.
The next morning I woke up when there was a knock at the door. Slipping out of bed while trying not to wake Face, I answered the door and saw Hannibal looking at me.
"Murdock, tell me what's going on. Is Face alright?"
I walked outside, closing the door behind me, and looked at him.
"No, Hannibal, he's not. Bancroft... Bancroft was Face's father. And I knew and didn't tell him until after Bancroft died."
"Goddamn it, Murdock."
"Hannibal, I was trying to make sure he was telling the truth. Stockwell didn't even get back to me on it before Bancroft died." I ran a hand over my bare shoulder as Hannibal stared at me hard.
"Stockwell knew?"
"Yes, Stockwell knew. I want you to talk to him, get him to lay off on any other missions till after the holidays, and I'm taking Face home with me when we get back. Hannibal, we need this."
"I'll try, Murdock, but don't count on anything. We have to leave soon, but I'll call Stockwell before we go."
I walked back into the room and saw Face sitting up in bed.
"Are we leaving?"
"Yeah, in a bit, but before we leave I gotta ask you something." I watched as he held out his arms to me. I got on the bed and sat between his legs with my head on his chest. I turned slightly to look at him.
"Come stay with me at my place. I don't mean forever, I'm not trying to force anything on you. I just thought it would be nice for us to spend some time together."
"We can't. Stockwell won't let us just bunker down in your apartment. I wish, I really do." He hugged me and kissed the top of my head.
"Don't worry about Stockwell; I'll work on him, plus I got a little help."
"What?" He shifted to look at me better. "What help?"
"Hannibal said he'd talk to Stockwell so we don't have anymore missions until after the holidays. So you wanna come stay with me? Lemme cook, clean, and take care of you?"
"Of course," he said before leaning over and kissing me softly.
'God, I missed this,' I thought as he traced my jaw with his hand.
Stockwell was waiting for us when we got home and didn't look too happy, especially when he told us we had the next month free, no missions, just peace and relaxation.
"Captain, I want to speak with you." Stockwell said, staring at me from behind those butt ugly glasses he always wears.
I didn't say anything as I followed him into the library of the house.
"Smith said you wanted to discuss something about Peck with me."
"Yeah, I did. Since we're not doing anything for a month, he's coming with me to my apartment to stay until our next mission."
"Absolutely not. You can come here, but I will not have him out of my sight for that long."
I laughed at his remark, remembering that when we'd first gotten to Langley, every time Face came to see me at my place, there was always one of Stockwell's Abels not far behind. So one night when Face was past the point of caring and just wanted to piss Stockwell off, we left the curtains open in the bedroom and gave the Abels something to report to the General, me riding Face like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. After that night there were no more Abels, but Stockwell also restricted Face's visits to my apartment.
"What's the matter, General? Can't you just send an Abel to check in?" I smirked and watched his eyes narrow at the comment. "Listen, Face just found out who his father was, but that was after we'd buried him. Now I'm taking him with me whether you like it or not. Don't worry, we'll make sure to let Hannibal know how we're doing, but if we're through here, Face and I are leaving." I walked out of the room without looking back.
#####
I sat on the couch waiting for Murdock to get through with Stockwell, even though I knew I'd end up staying here.
"Don't worry, Face, he'll deal with Stockwell and get you outta here," B.A. said sitting down next to me as he turned on the football game.
I didn't ask him how he knew, just sat there watching him watch the game until Murdock came into the living room and stood right in front of the TV.
"Come on doll, we're blowing this popsicle stand." He held his hand out to me.
"Get outta the way, fool. I can't see the game." B.A. growled.
"Sorry big guy. Come on, Facey," Murdock said, moving out of B.A.'s way.
'Thank God!' I smiled. "Murdock, I need to get clothes."
"Well then hurry, muchacho, get 'em. I'll stay out here and spend some quality time with the big guy. Ain't that right, B.A.?"
I got up and went to get my things, laughing as I listened to Murdock mess with B.A.
When we got to Murdock's, I put my bag in the room as he went to retrieve his hamster from Erika. I walked around the apartment looking at Murdock's stuff, things I'd missed as much as I missed him while we were apart. I smiled and touched the photo of us that was on his bookshelf.
'I love him so much, enough to put all this grief behind us and try to be happy, together.'
I turned as he walked back into the apartment, talking animatedly with the hamster, he put the cage down and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "You hungry, darlin'? I know I said I'd cook and all when I got ya here, but there's no food in this house. How 'bout we go out for Chinese? You feel like Chinese?"
"Why don't you go get the food and bring it back? I'll stay here. I want to take a shower and lie down for a bit."
"Sounds good. I'll be back in a few," he said before kissing me.
#####
When I got home, I put the food down before going to wake Face up.
"Sorry it took so long. I rented movies to watch," I called out before walking into the bedroom. I turned the lights on and found the most gorgeous man, the love of my life, lying on his stomach, naked on my bed. He rolled over onto his side and smiled at me.
'My God, whatta vision,' I thought.
It'd been so long, my body quickly reacted, making me almost painfully hard as he got off the bed and walked over to me.
"Murdock, close your mouth unless you plan on doing something with it," he purred, wrapping his arms around me.
"Face, God, you're so... beautiful. I love you." I hugged him to me, running my hands down his body, feeling his warm, soft skin under my fingers.
He pulled back and looked at me, and I saw in his eyes so much love and forgiveness I almost started to cry.
"I love you, Murdock. I missed you."
"Me too, Facey. I'm not going anywhere ever again unless you're with me."
And as he kissed me and started removing my clothes, I knew he finally believed me.
FINI