[H\A's introduction: Just for those of you who have stumbled onto this page by mistake, or have had my link forced on you more times than you want to remember, this is a cow of a different color. But I've been getting SpaceCow's emails for some time now, and I think they're hilarious! SOOO, without
further ado...The SpaceCow!
Enjoy, H\A]
I (the SpaceCow, that is) don't want to be blamed for any damages incurred due to anything beyond this point, so here's the most concise, compact legal document I could come up with that would protect both myself and the site owner from any legal harm. Since they say it so much better, I'll borrow TrashLaughs' disclaimer.
DISCLAIMER: This humor does not reflect the thoughts or
opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog; don't quote
me on that; don't quote me on anything; Don't tell my mom; Copyright MM;
all rights reserved; other copyright laws for specific jokes apply where
noted; jokes are subject to change without notice; jokes are slightly
enlarged to show detail; Rated: PG-13; any resemblance to actual persons,
living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only,
tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or tear; your mileage
may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this offer
is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted by law; humor is
provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes
full liabilities; rebroadcast is prohibited without the express written
consent of Major Leauge Baseball; Pat. Pend. U.S. Reg. Off.; toll rates
may apply; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal
opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; quantities are
limited; while supplies last only; if defects are found, do not attempt to
fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; caveat
emptor; Thou shalt not steal!; read at your own risk; parental advisory -
explicit lyrics; text may contain material some readers may find
objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight,
pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no
purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly
required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no
preservatives added; contents may settle during shipment; full net weight
guaranteed; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your
protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig;
for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation,or swelling
develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme
temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and
avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes;do not puncture,
incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near
flammable or magnetic source; insurance regulations prohibit recipients
from entering the joke-making area without an escort; smoking these jokes
may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to
abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text used in these jokes is made
from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used
to test the hilarity of these jokes; no salt, MSG, artificial color or
flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist,
consult a humorologist; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when
wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; joke
offer valid only at participating E-mail sites; slightly higher west of
the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not
cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption,
earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized
repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred
cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic
boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer
adjustments that are not covered in the joke list, and incidents owing to
airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken
glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or
dropping the item; other restrictions may apply. if symptoms persist,
seek medical attention; If something offends you, lighten up, get a life,
...and move on!!!
Or, you can always GO HOME.