MEGA Quote Database
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Here you will find all sorts of random and humorous quotes I've gathered. I think it's pretty self-explanitory, so I won't explain it much more. Rather, I'll get right to the quotes.
(* indicates recent addition)
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Kam: When I see a Sacagawea dollar, I always think I'm looking in a little mirror.
Laura: You look at yourself and think, "Damn, I'm historical!"
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Tsumi Na Unmei: well he's taeil
Tsumi Na Unmei: the most unhelpful human being on the face of the earth... ever
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"Hey baby, want a FastPass into my heart?"
- Thomas, trying to pawn off our extra FastPass on a random girl leaving Six Flags
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Hobbes512: KEEP IN MIND
Hobbes512: 9 OCLOCK
Hobbes512: IS WHEN YOU MUST DEFEND
Hobbes512: THE OMEGA COLONY
Personamb: I AM
Personamb: THE LAST DEFENDER
Personamb: HEY! SCUMSUCKING ALIENS!
Personamb: TO GET TO THE ZETA REACTOR
Personamb: YOU GOTTA FIRST GET THROUGH...
Personamb: ME.
Personamb: *CHGGACHGGACHGGA*
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Letsgetakitty418: it's like a karmic kick in my facebook ass
Nick (On the phone, to his girlfriend): I guess the problem is that I had sex with this girl.
"Big purple dinosaurs have the power to mesmerize babies. That's how they lure them close enough to eat them."
- Nintendo Power
"Chocolate court is now in session!"
- Bone, at a buffet, banging a gavel fashioned out of a skewer and a block of chocolate
Me: I always hate backing up with the green van, though. I never know when to stop.
Theresa: To be honest, I just keep going until I feel a little tap.
Me:*blank stare*
Theresa: There's nothing wrong with a little TAP!
"If you were fighting in the 'Dance Dance Revolutionary War,' would you be on the north or south?" - Laura
[Think about it.]
Hobbes512: Well, I figured it'd be nice to take a different language course, anyway
Hobbes512: Be well rounded, you know
tap1119: like snorlax!
SpiffSupreme: well, you go to uchicago, and you say to people, "I went to UChicago"
SpiffSupreme: and if they know things about the school, they'll be all, "wow! that's impressive"
SpiffSupreme: but if you go to harvard, you could walk up to a random person and say "I went to harvard" and they'll ejaculate all over you
SpiffSupreme: "HARVARD?! OMFG"
SpiffSupreme: "U R RELY SMRT"
SpiffSupreme: so I think the winner is obvious
Personamb: it's like, "Shit dude, you got a star? that's wack" but in french
Personamb: so like
Personamb: "merde homme, tu avec une celeste? c'est wack"
Personamb: err
Personamb: according to babelfish what i wrote is "shit man, you with a celeste? it is wack"
Letsgetakitty418: I think I'd die of fright, though
Letsgetakitty418: like
Letsgetakitty418: Cause of Death: FREAKING SHE WAS REALLY REALLY SCARED
Taeil2: i am so ugly that random people look at me and start to cry
"...And you never hold out on your pimp" -- Ms. Kelly
"There's a fine line between group masturbation and anal sex." -- Dan White
(Concerning the Greeks and the Trojan Horse)
"THEY'RE TRICKY! THEY'RE TTRRICCKKY!! IS NOT ULYSSES KNOWN FOR HIS TRICKINESS?!?!! THEY HAVE A HIDDEN THING UP THERE!!! THEY'RE TRICKY!!!!" -- Taeil
|Auto response from Hobbes512: Notice anything new?|
PsychicEmanation: haircut?!?
PsychicEmanation: oh, wait, I know...
PsychicEmanation: Viagra
tap1119: i am greg
tap1119: shit. i'm theresa
(After my mom reveals her Phoenix tattoo at Thanksgiving dinner)
Grandma: In my day, the only people who got tatoos were sailors and bums!
Aunt Helen: Let's not forget the whores!
"That's not Norway, that's a polar bear." -- John
(At the urinal)
Davis: "Oh my god, it's going backwards!"
(On marrying your cousin)
Dr. K: "Go for it!"
PineconeFromHell: And then we were talking about how Ted Kennedy killed someone drunk driving
Hobbes512: he did!
PineconeFromHell: and Hoffman was like, "He might not have been drunk, say some sources."
PineconeFromHell: and Dr. K was like, "Well, that's even worse! If he was drunk he'd have an excuse."
PineconeFromHell: *whole class is silent for a second*
PineconeFromHell: Hoffman: So you're saying he has an excuse for hitting someone by being drunk?
PineconeFromHell: dammit!
PineconeFromHell: doesn't matter
PineconeFromHell: as long as you can tell it's Ted Kennedy in a car with someone dying in front
"I do not go home, sit in front of the TV, and say, 'Okay, the vendor says "Ne wonna wonga" -- but I'm not 100% sure, so I'll go back and WATCH IT TEN TIMES IN A ROW SO I GET IT RIGHT.' THAT IS NOT WHAT I DO." -- John
Tim: If you took a chair and hit Blair on the back of the head really, really hard, and then kicked him in the head a couple of times while he was knocked out on the ground, he'd eventually die.
Blair: Thank you, Tim.
Blair: ...And it really exacerbated the situation.
Mr. Chase: I love it when you talk dirty to me, Blair.
Pechette: Johnny the appleseed guy -- what's his name?
Me: Johnny Appleseed?
Pechette: Yeah!
Ms. Pothast: What are some controllable factors for heart disease?
Boy in class: PMS!
Girl in class: PMS is not a controllable factor.
Boy in class: Sure it is! They have those diapers, don't they?
Ms. Pothast: What are you talking about?
Boy in class: I see them on television in commercials all the time!
"That's why you wear blue shirts - there are no such things as blue flowers." -- Dan McCune
Hobbes512: i can't type "bobo" correctly, it seems
Hobbes512: that took me like three tries right there
Taeil2: yes
Taeil2: kinda like melle
Taeil2: ...
Taeil2: ....
Taeil2: .....
Taeil2: melee
Taeil2: blah
Taeil2: AND I GOES TO PLEET
Taeil2: wait
Taeil2: what the hell?
Greg: The sun is not sentient.
Theresa: Big words! Big words you're talking! He talked a big word!
"I wish I was touching goats all day!" -- Elaine
(Taken entirely out of context)
Taeil2: I BEAT BITCHES!
Me: You wanna watch The Thing with me tomorrow?
Taeil: Oh yes! The thing! Because I know EXACTLY what you're talking about!
Me: The Thing is a movie.
Taeil: Oh.
"There's no K in this dictionary; it goes straight from H to I." -- Danny Moss
"An Additional will be Incurred for Excess Foods that is left Uneaten." -- Seen on a sign at the New World Buffet.
(Staring at her thumbs, twirling them in utter fascination)
Theresa: You know what? Opposable thumbs are really cool!
"Hey! If your name was 'Geeg,' it'd be a palindrome!" -- Scott
"You can't recycle plastic." -- Pechette
"It makes no sense to fast when you can get food at lunch." -- Davis
Mr. Pariano: Find a band lamer than Korn and I'll give you an 'A'
Derek: New Trier Freshmen Jazz Band.
"So the weakest team of all got to the championship. No offense Sridhar, but I hope you lose tomorrow." -- Mr. Fickett to Sridhar after Fickett's advisery lost to Sridhar's in kickball
Lee's deep poem:
Wilmette is a town
of people
who live near Chicago."
"Beverages, cameras, recording devices, umbrellas, bottles, cans, containers, lawn chairs, horns, and other missile-like objects are not permitted in the theater." -Jamboree 2002, Q101
"Excessive sound levels may impair your hearing." -- Jamboree 2002, Q101
A poem found in the window of Barnes & Noble:
Cars are fast.
Cars are slow.
They get you around
where you want to go.
You wont be late to work
If you have a car.
Cars are good for you!
You should buy a car now.
(Waiting in line at Great America.)
John: Greg
Me: John
John: Cliff
Cliff: John
Me: Davis
Davis: Greg
Cliff: Taeil
Taeil: Get away from me!
(Front page headlines on the Chicago Tribune)
"Pot Brims Over With Secretive Pork"
"Pork helped relatives of Emil Jones"
Taeil2: well, me has to poo out
Taeil2: .................................
Taeil2: poof out*
If we were all trees, there'd be no wars. 'Cause we'd be trees. - A character's thoughts in Golden Sun
Well there's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that Theresa has malaria. The good news is that we got a fez. - Me
Taeil2: i'll probably stare at chicks hatching for hours, cuz i'll be so tired
Taeil2: that sounds really weird.....
(later...)
Taeil2: stare at chicks all the whole time
Taeil2: hatching
Taeil2: from eggs
Taeil2: in an incubator
(Word balloons inserted into screenshots of a Jackie Chan fighting game for the X-Box; it concerns X-Box's "fantasy/reality-line-blurring graphics")
Fighter: Holy fuck! I am totally blurring the lines between fantasy and reality!
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Fighter A: Is this fantasy or reality?
Fighter B: Fuck if I know, the line is too damn blurry!
(Concerning Jennifer Lopez's song "Jenny From the Block")
Theresa: The thing is no one calls her Jenny anymore! Like, if I saw her and I shouted, "Hey Jenny!" she'd just say, "It's J-Lo, bitch!" Oh, I'm SORRY! It's "J-Lo," like JENnifer LOpez. Why can't anyone else do that with their name?
Me: Oh! Like Donald Rumsfeld could be D-Rum?
Theresa: Or I could be... *bursts into laughter*
"We believe that Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema's actions are in fact hate speech. The movie is intentionally being named The Two Towers in order to capitalize on the tragedy of September 11. Clearly, you cannot deny the fact that this falls under hate speech. We believe that if they will not willingly change the name, the government should step in to stop the movie's production or to force a name change." -- Infallible logic found at the Two Towers Protest Page
"But in losing, he won." -- Announcer at the Hall of Presidents
"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die." -- Calvin; Calvin and Hobbes
"But there's no more ignorant people!" -- Davis
(In Church)
Me: Guess who died on my birthday!
Theresa: ...Abraham Lincoln?
Me: ...JESUS!
(Lying on the couch with a heating pad on her stomach)
Theresa: You shouldn't eat from the garbage can, I think.
"Let me see if I can read what the sign for the school says! (starts reading in Chinese) Ba... Wa... Shu... Oh wait - I'm reading it backwards." -- Cliff
Jimmy: Look how skilled I am! I can throw my hat onto the overhead projector from all the way over here.
(Accidentally throws his hat into the trash)
Mr. Grote: Was that a Cubs hat, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Yeah...
Mr. Grote: Then that's where it belongs.
(John and I were going over a skit for Lagniappe where we had to change all instances of "Mr. Tinsley" with "Dr. Tinsley")
Greg: Do we have any other "misters" in this skecth?
John: No, I don't think so...
Greg: Okay
(Presses "replace all" button while John simultaneously shouts "Mr. Morrison!")
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