if i believed in ghosts or anything i would swear you are haunting me i can feel your presence in this room like you stand behind me whispering. 'i can't sleep if you don't sleep' but i never could sleep. even now are you in unrest even now, in death? do you walk the floor that i walk haunting me because you can't sleep if i don't sleep. i would, next to you, be able to lose myself and find sleep not this superficial rest i gain now in your absence but a release and a true rest of my body and my soul i would be refreshed awaking with your arm heavy upon me and your breath on my face in a bed alone i twist the sheets while dreaming of you and i wake more tired than when i closed my eyes. to face the world, day and night utterly alone exhausts me, and there is no rest. and yes i have considered true rest. i have considered joining you so that i might sleep well dreamless and complete. but the dead do not breathe do not wrap limbs around one another, the dead do not walk my floor. they do not whisper to me. i hear nothing but my own breathing my own lonely footsteps. i have never craved you more than i do when i can't sleep, i never miss you more than i do when i can't sleep. and yes i have considered what that eternal sleep must be; i have pondered the existence of god afterlife. do you burn in hell, my love? do you sit upon a cloud with god? or do you simply no longer exist on any plane except my imagination? and yes i have considered finding out first hand searching for you in the dark place where the sky runs out and my heart which beats for no living thing ceases to beat at all. and yes i have considered sleep coming to me as life leaves, the demons which inhabit me bled dry as i am taken to somewhere i might see you again feel you in some preternatural way i want to speed up the coming of that day when the sky runs out and my heart, whose rhythm once matched yours, ceases to have a rhythm, at all.