"What did you do during the war, Uncle Steve?"
"Ah, there's a story. Pull me a pint of Bass while your aunt isn't looking and I'll tell you about it... Thanks, boy.
"Now then, on one occasion I was temporarily detached from the Green Howards. My section was unable to be fielded for Operation Market Garden, so I was temporarily attached to the Airborne Reconnaissance."
"But why wasn't your section there?"
"Long story, but as I recall, one of the men had set himself on fire with some Irish blokes and was in hospital, Comiskey was awaiting a court martial for an incident that still remains classified, and the rest were last seen accompanied by provost officers or friendly local women.
"At any rate, I was attached to these glider lunatics and crashed into a large mess of Germans. We were outnumbered at least 6 to one, and our anti-tank weapons, jeeps, vehicles, radios, and support weapons hadn't made it to the landing zone. We had 2 Brens, two Stens, and 4 rifles in our section, with about 10 grenades amongst us. But, we did have three shovels, so all was not lost. I picked up a Sten, but it wouldn't fire, so I grabbed one of the Brens from the wreckage and off we went.
"We set up a road block to hold a stretch of road, and took to the hills for cover. The roadblock was broken by a Nazi assault gun, an armored car and about 30 infantry against our small band. We delayed them for a bit, much as a moth delays the progress of a speeding lorry by flinging himself into the vehicle's grill.
"We fell back to a much more defensible position on a hill and dug in. Glad we had those shovels. We waited for over an hour for the expected German attack, then were ordered to try and swing around and link up with US airborne forces reported to be in the area. We were heading towards a defile, below a low ridge, and were hugging a tree line with wire on our right. To our left, was a wide open field, stretching across to a hill, with no bloody cover whatsoever. The Lt and a couple of the Recce blokes had gone ahead to check the defile, when I saw a line of German soldiers cutting across the crest to our front. They didn't see us, but I signalled the men behind me to get down, and did my best to be absorbed by the earth. Unfortunately, my buttons got in the way of me getting as low as I would have liked.
"The Lt and the other boys ahead got to better cover in the trees, as we watched the line of Germans followed by a tank, an armored car, and another long line of infantry, apparantly trying to flank our old position on the hill.
"I was hoping they would continue up around the hill to our left flank, and not see my totally exposed arse on the flat plain. The first squad of Germans was out in the open, 100 yards away on the hill on the left flank. The Lt apparantly couldn't resist the opportunity to use his Sten, and he opened up on them, dropping a couple. The game was on so I charged the Bren and started firing prone. Emptied a mag into the line of Germans but apparantly my sights were off, as they stood staring and looking around, trying to figure out what all the noise was. This gave away my position to the rest of the bloody German army, and I found myself in a whirlwind of metal heading in my direction as I futilely tried to get the Bren to function again.
"The rest of the section finally started firing and took some of the pressure off of me, and after what seemed like an eternity, the German fire slackened a bit. I then ran like hell for the defile 50 yards away. A lone rifle shot came in my direction, but I made it to relative safety. As I tried to clear the jammed Bren, a German came into view above me, but one of the Recce riflemen dropped him. But the Bren was buggered, and I was in serious trouble. Another shot rang out and my Recce protector dropped. 3 SS bastards came up over the ridge, and I knew I was done.
"They took me prisoner, and took the now-useless Bren. They searched me, and were amused by the pictures of Uncle Elsie's dog, Tip. During the search, however, this little ferret of a SS trooper neglected to notice the spike bayonet hanging on my belt. Guess he didn't figure that a Bren gunner would need a bayonet. The SS were going to move on, and the ferret-faced SS turned me over to a medic, who, curiously, had an odd revolver half-concealed behind him. He was smiling, and was motioning me towards the rear saying 'we rest in the shade.' We got about 20 yards from the ravine, and the rest of the Germans were mostly out of sight. I slowed my pace a bit, and the German foolishly passed me, heading for the trees. Stunned by this stupidity and my good luck, I quickly drew the bayonet and stabbed him several times in the kidneys, and pushed him to the ground.
"I unsnapped the revolver from its lanyard, and took it from his cooling hand. I could see 3 SS heading away from me, but decided I had no way of hitting them, and would be better off buggering off for the hills."
"What happened next, Uncle Steve?"
"Mostly a lot of running, mayhem, destruction, a flaming cow skull, and nights well below freezing. The next day, we made a final stand near a place called McClain's Corner. But that's another story for another time. Besides my glass is empty now..."