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2004 一月 二月 三月 四月

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五月二十四日

i will not use this to post my diary anymore~
if you want to read it, please refer to http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=williamtwh

 

五月二十日 :(

若你是鍾立文,你會原諒你爸爸嗎?若你是韋柏翹,你會重新接納你爸爸嗎?
矛盾,能否改變?

 

五月十八日 :D

pass 左個模擬駕駛啦,考o個陣好緊張,之前又肚痛....第一次practise o既時候得7X(Passing mark = 60),第二次就有8X,第三次就有92,考試時就有90,雖然好似好易,但係都幾滿意ga la....期待6月9日的筆試,我要arm 18條或以上(共有20條,16條合格)

 

五月十五日 :I

咁多年黎我的性格也沒太大改變,仍然是這樣,可能開始定形.....
若你能選擇自己的性格,你會....?
剛做完個測驗的result...仍舊是第2型.....

第二型:助人型 (Helper)

顧 名 思 義 , 你 很 喜 歡 幫 人 , 而 且 主 動 , 慷 慨 大 方 ! 雖 然 你 對 別 人 的 需 要 很 敏 銳 , 但 卻 很 多 時 忽 略 了 自 己 的 需 要 。 在 你 來 說 , 滿 足 別 人 的 需 要 比 滿 足 自 己 的 需 要 更 重 要 , 所 以 你 很 少 向 人 提 出 請 求 。 這 樣 說 來 , 你 的 自 我 並 不 強 , 很 多 時 要 靠 幫 助 別 人 去 肯 定 自 己 。

心 情 high high 時

人 的 情 緒 總 有 起 有 落 , 助 人 型 在 心 情 high high時 會 很 樂 於 助 人 、 感 情 投 入 、 將 心 比 心 , 且 能 照 顧 別 人 的 需 要 。 正 因 為 他 們 不 計 成 本 付 出 , 他 們 會 有 很 多 交 心 的 朋 友 !
他 們 需 要 被 需 要 的 感 覺 , 所 以 到 處 發 掘 用 得 上 他 們 的 地 方 。 所 以 跟 這 類 人 交 朋 友 實 在 「 著 數 」 , 因 為 無 論 你 有 什 麼 需 要 , 這 些 助 人 型 的 朋 友 都 會 傾 盡 全 力 去 幫 你 !
助 人 型 們 , 在 傾 力 助 人 之 餘 , 有 否 想 到 自 己 也 有 需 要 別 人 幫 手 的 地 方 ?

情 緒 down down 時


若 助 人 型 助 人 之 心 過 份 極 端 , 會 予 人 好 管 閑 事 之 感 。 他 們 需 要 被 需 要 的 感 覺 , 所 以 希 望 別 人 告 訴 他 們 每 一 件 事 情 , 並 期 待 他 允 許 和 忠 告 , 又 想 別 人 去 依 賴 他 們 。 雖 說 朋 友 是 互 相 幫 助 , 但 過 份 的 關 愛 實 在 是 沒 有 必 要 , 朋 友 也 未 必 會 欣 賞 的 !


朋 友 看 你 是 …

熱 心 , 為 他 人 著 想 , 「 yes boy / girl」 , 永 不 say no!, 有 時 好 煩 , 多 事


你 的 友 情 指 數(最 高 5 ):5

 

五月十二日 :I

捨身成仁?捨身取義?
讓愛?愛慕?你的愛慕方式又是如何?
忠心?多心?花心? 無心?

 

五月二日 :(

天父呀,為什麼要造一男一女?兩個男或兩個女不是更好嗎?最起碼,有些東西我們是不用煩的......

你願意為你所愛的人付出(犧牲)多少?

事情開始來了,或許已經存在很久,或許我不敢面對的......

 

四月三十日 :(

沉重....
sorry~~好似'sin'左你一穫咁......
買了三本書,希望有用.....
去左新城市,apm.....
係food court講左o的野,真的要記念他、他、他................

 

四月二十日 :I
我要預備好自己盛載更多生命!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS
Something I have seen in the nearby classroom
1) Remember the importance of setting goals
2) Find inspiration in the world around you
3) Take responsibility for your action
4) Never give up a dream
5) Use mistake to build a bright future
6) Make a personal code to live by
7) Focus on the important thing in life

Went to tung's home and I have seen something...... absolutely suit our situation
你雖不可以控制生命的長短,但你卻可以控制它的寬度;
你雖不可以左右天氣,但你卻可以改變心情;
你雖不可以改變容儀,但你卻可以展現笑容;
你雖不可以控制他人,但你卻可以掌握自己;
你雖不可以預知明天,但你卻可以利用今天;
你雖不可以在任何事上樣樣勝利,但你卻可以在任何事上盡力而為!

Another thing saw in other classroom:
Sow a thought, reap an action
Saw an action, reap a habit
Sow a habit, reap a character
Sow a character, reap a destiny
Seneca
思想引導行為 行為變成習慣
習慣塑造性格 性格決定命運

 

四月十九日 :(
學警雄心

共命運較量
望著目標不需要理風向
這次跌低意會有下一場
你有我不必怕會追不上

為願望發亮
若是未盡力掌聲也拍不響
永遠也不反悔才是堅強
有志氣一起向天開一槍

從來無悔 我這理想揮之不去
以鬥志將傷口過濾
以你決心去為明天寫下創舉

滾汗水 錯與對幾多的差距
有勇氣 不應該畏懼
那�埵雀繚t便和你燃亮它

全力追

活著就算呼吸都是為了挑戰
從前難關今天實現
我確信 這天空都改變
這志向最終也 不變
現實就算多艱辛
並未退縮 成功灰心只差一線
要帶著信心 未懼下雨天
仍然無悔我共你沖線

 

四月十七日 :I
我的chem.........
盡人事,聽天命

 

四月十五日 :(
Organic Chem!!!

 

四月六日 :I
好緊張.....................................

 

四月五日 :I
耶和華啊!你鑒察了我,你認識我。
我坐下,我起來,你都知道;你在遠處就明白我的意念。
我行路,我躺臥,你都細察;我的一切行為,你都熟悉。
耶和華啊!我的舌頭還沒有發言,你已經完全知道了。
你在我前後圍繞著我,你的手按在我身上。
這樣的知識奇妙,是我不能理解的;高超,是我不能達到的。
我到哪裡去躲避你的靈?我往哪裡去逃避你的面呢?
如果我升到天上,你在那裡;如果我在陰間下榻,你也在那裡。
如果我展開清晨的翅膀,飛到海的極處居住,
就是在那裡,你的手仍必引導我,你的右手也必扶持我。

 

四月二日 :I
終於發洩了出來,這陣子真的辛苦.....「啞子食黃蓮,有苦自己知.....很累......多謝陪伴....




四月一日 :(
憂心、掛心、灰心..........
堅持、持守、守望..........

 

三月三十一日 :I
did three papers today.....so far so good la.....it seems that what i thought is the truth....very close to what i have thought on 24/3...oh......i hope that i guess wrong...not many days left.....add oil la....everybody...

 

三月三十日 :(
finally, finished the organic chem...really hard....still have many things to revise....i have to promise myself that I WON'T BE DEFEATED BY ANYTHING...i have to be strong and tough enough to go through these things....

 

三月二十九日 :(

不再拖延...............
心情仍是這樣......有些事是需要我解決的;有些事我怎樣努力也解決不到....
拿了小提琴出來,拉了幾首歌....味道出不了來............Canon in D, o的雙音好核突;我最愛的Berceus Slave (F.Neruda) 和 sonataIII (F.Handel) 冇曬skill~ La Cinquantaine(G.Marie)?一首在高級餐廳聽到的歌,我卻拉到像平日大排擋聽到的噪音......
是我要求太高或是我沒有信心?

 

三月二十四日 :)

好靚,真係好靚...好耐好耐都未見過咁靚o既天,加上今日心情又靚.....一句講曬....好正!!
我好驚事實就好似我諗o既一樣,如果係,咁就死啦.....佢係....咁咪死?!但係而家好似有好多證據都 prove 左你係......,點算?我希望係我自己諗多左.......
我熱愛音樂 ,好想用音樂影響別人;我更熱愛生命;更想用生命影響生命..........

 

三月二十三日 :)

feel better today.....quite happy as there is someone commended me for my singing voice.....THERE IS A SAYING THAT 'the sound of singing fills the ear' i hope that my voice can 'evolve' to this stage but really far away from this target......no one has commended me for a thousand of years la...hahaha^^....
just wanna say.....ADD OIL..every ALers.....striving for excellence and your GOD (if you believe in HIM)....never give up ar....... i will always support and pray for you guys....

 

三月二十一日 :(

how to control my temper?
愛人

看著你來 隨背影掩蓋 我沒法不愛
我是行李 你是遊客
笑著來 要笑著離開
背後有床 不需有愛
睡醒不怕另有將來
如早知道夏季不再來
斜陽垂下了薔薇仍是會開

只怪我一心愛人 忘掉隨手撫摸得到的傷痕
壞了千萬盞燈 燒光每段眼神
只發現和你衣不稱身
對不起我不過為愛人
從未曾天真得相信永生
曾共你一起 即使毫無好處
起碼能回味那邊臉被吻
(難共你一起 即使毫無希冀 起碼能期待這邊臉被吻)

近在眼前 時間剛剛好 去讓你知道
見面愉快 告別難過
我仍然會笑著祈禱
有沒有誰心中有數 怎麼雙眼尚有濕度
明天將會更好的信徒 如害怕煩惱為何期望太高

 

三月二十日 :(

昨天自己一邊行一邊飲,好苦,由心湧上來的苦是從來都未試過的.....心酸..
i have gone to jessica and peter's wedding...thought a lot.......touch??

 

三月十九日 :(

縱使有直車、有更快的路,我卻選擇協和街,原因?就和我愛到海旁、到摩士公園一樣...
有時候希望愈大,失望愈大,可能有時候我比較簡單
身體仍殘留著你的氣味
壽司好平,10元5件,住在旺角真好
團契講朋輩影響,以下是今日的經文(箴言),講朋友的.....好正(有唔同version)
17:17 朋 友 乃 時 常 親 愛 . 弟 兄 為 患 難 而 生 。
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
A friend is loving at all times, and becomes a brother in times of trouble.

18:24 濫 交 朋 友 的 、 自 取 敗 壞 . 但 有 一 朋 友 、 比 弟 兄 更 親 密 。
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
There are friends who may be a man's destruction, but there is a lover who keeps nearer than a brother.
19:4 財 物 使 朋 友 增 多 . 但 窮 人 朋 友 遠 離 。
Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour.
Wealth makes a great number of friends; but the poor man is parted from his friend.
27:6 朋 友 加 的 傷 痕 出 於 忠 誠 . 仇 敵 連 連 親 嘴 、 卻 是 多 餘 。
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
The wounds of a friend are given in good faith, but the kisses of a hater are false.

27:9 膏 油 與 香 料 、 使 人 心 喜 悅 . 朋 友 誠 實 的 勸 教 、 也 是 如 此 甘 美 。
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.
Oil and perfume make glad the heart, and the wise suggestion of a friend is sweet to the soul.
27:17 鐵 磨 鐵 、 磨 出 刃 來 . 朋 友 相 感 、 〔 原 文 作 磨 朋 友 的 臉 〕 也 是 如 此 。
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Iron makes iron sharp; so a man makes sharp his friend.

 

三月十七日 Sentimental

新地中,我獨愛士多啤利味,無論我有多久冇食,我愛它的程度怎樣也不會變.....但為什麼我不常吃?「少食多滋味,多食壞肚皮」...有時候我也想得到溫暖,所以唔會專登去食,但唔代表我唔再鍾意食....士多啤利新地的確影響我情緒......我唔可以當士多啤利新地係正餐,但係我唔會因為正餐而唔食士多啤利新地...我唔知道我未來會唔會鍾意食其他味,但係呢個moment,其他味 are not my cup of coffee........明白嗎,士多啤利新地?
i absolutely covet for what you have~ you know, when you are down, you will always have some one to comfort you; i can only be unhappy when i am alone, i always have to be the supportor and hide my unhappiness....... you are good at non-academic activities, an all-round person, you have confidence, you have a peaceful family, it seems that you do not need to pass through ups and downs or i should say those difficulties are not very serious....you have so many things which i wish to have, however, i haven't....i know i know i know i shouldn't think like this but it is really difficult for me to focus on what i have and do not focus on what i do not have......perhaps, i have to change my mind! (可能都係"你睇我好,我睇你好"<--自我安慰~)
終於識到一個人係'一朵小白花幼稚園'畢業.......
再見了,我最愛的Giordano.....
我想哭,你可不可以暫時別要睡?

 

三月十五日 Sentimental

妳的臉上仍然是掛著一臉可愛的笑容,甜美的聲線;我沒梳頭的樣子,一副頹廢的身軀...真的很驚訝會在街上碰到妳.....
我知道你一定很辛苦,在心中藏了很久,哭出來是會舒服一點的,我們會支持你的,加油~單戀真的令人辛苦,不過愛不是佔有,而是想對方開心,對不對?
共鳴對我來說都是唔好的,因為通常都是與朋友傾訴的時候而產生的,而且多是一些唔開心的事,共鳴只會令我想起以往唔開心的事,也許有些東西我要經歷完才懂得安慰人.......有時候真的要收埋自己的情感,特別是當我在安慰別人...........
又多一個人知道了,究竟幾時才完?
好緊張,有一點想嘔~ 明天第一科....
如發洩是生理需要,為何眼淚會缺少?

 

三月十四日 :I
Please listen to the background music before you close the browser....i love this song very much....when i am listening to this song, something from my heart has come out, can you feel it? obviously, i have not study much as i woke up lately, and have 3 times oral practise...just finished alkene today~ unfortunately, behind schedule...i really have to put more effort on my studies....thanks YOU to 'rescue' me...i have gone blank when he asked me why i dun practise oral~ i have asked tung a question today which he found difficult.... i just wanna ask why there are too many...... aii.......thought for an half hour or you may say waste an half hour......dun think about it la....perhaps, william is william~
PS
i dun wanna let others worry about me, as a result, i always smile and even say i am okay....i am happy and okay sometime...however, i do have my temper......so sorry that i do not comfort you~

 

三月十三日 :)

today, i would like to share with you guys in english as i wanna use a new word...in the past i was a egotistic person.. egoism really affected me a lot, for example, not practising oral...however, from now on, i will not like this, i have to be a humble person since i admitted that i am not okay in some aspects~ i have practisd oral for three times..and i am now can speak fluent...thx for the guys who practised with me
i am quite sorry to occupy you yesterday and you have to do something to compensate...(just by my estimation)

 

三月十二日 :I

家-->2A-->學校-->80-->教會-->東鐵-->尖沙咀-->海旁-->尾班天星小輪-->皇后碼頭-->東涌線-->奧運-->家
早上聽了EASON<<幸福>>, 幸福可以是坐摩天輪,幸福可以是擁有一大班朋友,幸福可以是有一個好好的家,但幸福唔係話你想有就有........
她她她她和他他他他他,為什麼要在我生命中出現?
佢愛用beer發洩,無節制地.........我,好似佢,幸好我的自制仲存在......
昨天的日記攪到好多人擔心,唔好意思~不過,我冇事...係到寫的東西,可能好灰,但反映了我心�堛榻eeling...
每次去尖沙咀,我都會去海旁,今天個天好清,我,又係咁,諗左好多野,唔多開心,好想喊(又是那樣哭不出來),好累....
有些事,習慣了,便變得麻木....
我可從那找到我的信心?
有些人能夠主動得到別人的關心、有些人想得到別人的關心也沒有.....
可否不去想其他東西,專心考AL?

 

三月十一日 :(

對我黎講,係學校溫書最大的唔好處係會令我冇信心,見到同學雄心壯志回校,見到佢地專心溫書,我都會被比下去.....我好驚我AL唔得,每當我對一樣野無信心,我就會做得好差....oral,見大家都好勁....好fluent, 好有confident,我知道係因為佢地擺左好多心機、時間去練習,我自負,咁多科之中我認為自己eng最勁,所以無放咁多時間落去,我妒忌人地有好大的進步(我知我唔應該咁,自己都冇放時間係英文度....),今次mock真的令我冇曬信心,我唔expect usage 會低過50%,更唔expect 有paper 會fail~ 有時真係接受唔到自己睇住o的成績退步又唔下苦頭個種心態........好矛盾~

 

三月十日 :(

released UE, CL&C and Chem today~~got a fail in many papers... not much mood! they were badly done! how come! aii....but nevermind la... i promise i will try my best!! thanks Ivan for teaching me CL&C...you really have to put more effort and get an A ar~~~add oil~ talked with two guys at night~ don't be over pressurized la, understand?

Here are the marks of my mock:
UE
listening 53/92
writing 53/100
reading and language system 50/114
oral 44/80
PS 30/100 (the highest weighting in UE)
expected HKALE result: 46.2675/100 E (calculated according to the weighting)

CL&C
實用文 59/100
閱讀理解 36.5/60
文化問題 29/100 (the highest weighting in CL&C)
聆聽 43/100
assume:
說話能力 50%
課外閱讀 50%
expected HKALE result: 47.125/100 E(calculated according to the weighting)

Phy
had not distribed to us yet, but perhaps a F in HKALE........

Chem nothing to say~
paper I 32.5/100
shorted-questions 23/60
Questions on practical chemistry 2.5/20
Essays 7/20
paper II 38.5/100
topic 1-11 28/60
topic 12-14 10.5/40

assume TAS 50%
overall HKALE result: 38.4/100 F

MS
57/100 D

CA
54.5/100
assume
TAS 60%
expected HKALE result: 56.15/100 D

sigh.......a bad bad result AS:DDEE AL:FF!! no degree course~

 

三月九日 :I

most of my classmates were dispirited and depraved since today is the first day of receiving the exam papers..sigh~ how come mr tsang still have not finished marking the papers?aii....nevermind as i do not care this subject!!for ms and ca, i do think that i did badly in both subjects...many many careless mistakes..i am sure i can score a higher mark! lunch, i have hurt my hand when i play with my friend, a scar on my right hand~ how naughty i am.... having received these poor results, i have just studied for a while and still have no oral practise...contradicting with my studies and my emotion...for dinner, i have cleared all the dishes cooked by my mum as i want to let her feel happier.....however, i am full and perhaps i do not need to have my breakfast tomorrow~haha~~i am looking forward for my chinese and chem!

 

三月八日 :(

totally lost my confidence..i got a bad result in english~ everyone has improved except me....i know that i have not put much effort in these two years but i do not expect this result!!!!!!!!! no mood to study but i have to force myself to do so...so harsh~my chem &soc ar!!!!!!7 questions left!!!!! i doubted myself if i have enough qualification to sit HKALE...i even reluctant to practise oral..chinese? perhaps i will get a fail in 'cultural questions'...quite unhappy today~ really wanna get rid of the control of my emotion.. come on...not much time left and i have to let go all the other things which are irrelevant to my studies... please help me, ok? can everyone in my family be mature just for two months? do not make so many arguements which influent my studies,ok? do not think too much, William..... some of the events are not under your control! do not think of the one you cannot love, ok? come on baby~ add oil la...William Tang~~~~~

PS
recently, i always have the same feeling with some events which are happened around me~ it is very easy for me to experience their situation..may be i have passed through so many ups and downs...aii..life is harsh for me! sometimes, i really wanna cry to release pressure, however, as all of you know me, i can't do so....may be i have thought too much, it's time for me to sleep now...hope i will not wake up again in the midnight....

 

三月七日 :I

due to insomnolence, i do not have much power today!! but still, i have to study... can't finished chem & soc..aii...add oil la...i was frightened by my friend's confident and fluent presentation~ i do need to learn from his concentration, confidence, optimism....in my mind, although he is always defeated by unfortunate events, he can still withstand, at least in front of me~i must learn from him!

 

三月六日 無奈中

Today's worship is very good~I am now in the situation which is the same as Joyce's past situation~ She has pointed out the weakness of me! I do hope that I can pass through this moments~
PS
請妳不要含情脈脈對著我唱歌,好嗎?點解可以咁aggresive,我真係有點唔明....我其實非常之尷尬...也請妳不要啤住我,好嗎?我真的有點不知所措....你煩住我唔緊要,但係唔好因我而煩住其他團友!!

 

三月五日 thoughtful

諗左好多野,分享左好多野,多謝你陪我,好享受一齊打鞦韆...

PS
天上有幾粒星星,你看見,好開心;我看見,好孤單...........
能有好的家庭好幸福 、能有好的睡眠好幸福 、能喊得出來更幸福 .....

 

三月四日 :(

唔開心,不過我又用我o既笑容去掩飾,或許咁樣,我才可以讓人同自己開心一點......

 

三月三日 Sentimental

明白了~~我明白點解我與她玩得咁近你會妒忌;明白點解我成日係你面前提起佢你會唔開心,我雖知道人有佔有慾,但我估唔到會係咁強,直至..................................................我才明白...........

 

三月二日 Sentimental

心情?與天氣一樣→時好時壞。不同的是天氣壞→好多人知道;心情壞→沒有人知道。
又是那樣→哭不出來

相愛很難

最好 有生一日都愛下去
但誰人 能將戀愛當做終生興趣
生活 其實旨在找到個伴侶
面對現實 熱戀很快變長流細水
可惜我 不智或僥倖
對火花天生敏感
不過 兩隻手拉得太緊
愛到過了界那對愛人
同時亦最易變成一對敵人

也許相愛很難
就難在其實雙方各有各寄望 怎麼辦
要單戀都難
受太大的禮會內疚 卻也無力歸還
也許不愛不難
但如未成佛升仙也會怕 愛情前途黯淡
愛不愛都難
未快樂先有責任 給予對方面露歡顏


得到浪漫 又要有空間
得到定局 卻怕去到終站
然後付出多得到少不介意豁達
又擔心 有人看不過眼
無論熱戀中失戀中
都永遠記住第一戒
別要張開雙眼

三月一日 Sentimental

愛與痛的邊緣

徘徊徬徨路前 回望這一段
你吻過我的臉 曾是百千遍
沒去想終有一天 夜雨中找不到打算
讓我孤單這邊 一點鐘等到三點

那怕與你相見 仍是我心願
我也有我感覺 難道要遮掩
若已經不想跟我相戀 又卻怎麼口口聲聲的欺騙
讓我一等再等 在等一天共你拾回溫暖

情像雨點 似斷難斷
越是去想 更是凌亂
我已經不想跟你痴纏 我有我的尊嚴
不想再受損
無奈我心 要辨難辨
道別再等 也未如願
永遠在愛與痛的邊緣
應該怎麼決定挑選

 

二月二十八日 :I

愛上了一些我不該愛的東西,厭棄了一些我不該厭棄的東西,為什麼?今天的歌與我的思緒連在一起,難道在經歷一樣的難處?

PS
暖昧
眉目裡似哭不似哭  還祈求甚麼說不出
陪著你輕呼著煙圈 到唇邊 講不出滿足
你的溫柔怎可以捕捉  越來越近 
卻從不接觸   

茶沒有喝光早變酸 從來未熱戀已相戀
陪著你天天在兜圈  那纏繞 
怎麼可算短 你的衣裳今天我在穿  
未留住你 卻仍然溫暖  

徘徊在似苦又甜之間 望不穿這暖昧的眼  
愛或情借來填一晚  終須都歸還 無謂多貪
猶疑在似即若離之間  望不穿這暖昧的眼  
似是濃卻仍然很淡
天早灰藍 想告別 偏未晚

 

二月二十七日 :)

我又回復返以前咁,對人唔滿意o既野總會收入心中,對方都唔會知道....對人歡笑背人愁....但他永遠也不知道~~

 

二月二十六日 :)

敢於做夢~~today, mr siu's sharing is so good...i have thought a lot....and also it solved some of my fears~ insist on my dream--be a social worker..

 

二月二十五日 :)

gone to PONGPONG's home and played monopoly....quite enjoy and relax....talk in phone with a friend...add oil la you....開了記念冊,很難表達我現在的感受!我們真的是一起經歷過的,有血有淚。

 

二月二十二日 :I

做應該做的事,諗應該諗的事。我一定要脫離「灰」的局面,係一定要!

PS
我的自負的的確確、確確實實、實實際際地影響了我整個人,謙虛一點吧!

 

二月十八日 :I

今天我又做錯了事,把沒經大腦的說話說了出來,傷害了朋友,對不起......心情好了一點,但都有少少野...

 

二月十七日 thoughtful

反省後的結果:

我說:「我好似一隻沒有刺的箭豬,為了接觸其他人和幫助其他人而拔除了自己的刺。我自己卻失去了保護,任由別人傷害......心情?起伏不定,但我可以怎樣?不再愛我的家人嗎?變得冷漠點?我做不到......點算?」

他說:「有人傷害你的同時,不是亦有人關心你嗎?在你拔除刺的時候,不是亦有人替你插返D刺嗎?support you la~有些事情根本是現在的我們不能處理的,勉強去做,豈不是辛苦自己,折磨自己?家人當然要愛,相信他們亦知你愛他們的,但你對他們的愛不能修補他們之間的愛吧,大人的事就由他們自己處理吧!現在,做你可以做的!比心機考埋個試!加油呀!要做社工,就要先控制到自己的情緒!」

他就是我的天使,說真的,令我當頭棒喝,我對家人的負出是好希望得到回報-->家庭溫暖;我寧願窮,都唔想個家咁樣;當一個和諧的小時要$100,我寧願將我的利是錢買23個和諧的小時……不過我這樣想,我這樣做都是不能修補他們之間的愛。那我為什麼還鑽牛角尖?那些事我是控制不到的,為什麼不學習放手?放手不是易事,但都要嘗試……

深夜,與另一個天使傾訴,更加了解我自己,我活在別人的期望�堙A別人想我怎樣,我便怎樣,別人認為一個基督徒是怎樣,我便怎樣。別人對我的期望低了,我便相對差了,就是這個原因我明白自己為什麼行為言語都變差了。另外,我以為我唔重視別人對我的評價,但其實是相反,我好想得到別人的認同,所以我做咁多好事。我認為父母只會愛乖孩子,並將這概念投射到天父上,認為天父只會愛乖孩子,所以我強迫自己要做好,導致我對自己和別人的期望過高。本來我也不覺得父母(天父)只會愛乖孩子,但經過別人的提醒,加上自己在這二十天內的所作所為和反省,我更加了解自己,我害怕我做錯事別人會不再喜歡我;我害怕我做錯事會破壞我和朋友的關係-->做了好多修補工作,但其實說一聲sorry便可;我害怕我做錯事天父會不愛我-->沒有面目敬拜天父,但其實只要悔改,天父絕對不會不愛我的。我甚至覺得自己好重要,沒有我就像甚麼都辦不到的,我要做的是要謙虛。

PS
其實係呢個時候我好想得到別人的支持,就讓我自私一點吧,可否看到這個message的人比個e-mail支持我?說什麼也可以(一兩句也不介意的):hochaiwilliam@yahoo.com.hk

 

二月十六日 :(

失眠、安眠藥、令人擔心......
痛苦、冇胃口、冇mood溫書....
civil war、壓力大、能放低嗎?

 

二月十五日 Depressed

今天天色與我的心情一樣-----灰......失眠、胃痛、百感交集......我可以怎樣?無奈......

今天溫中化時看到的:「人的快樂有一大半建築在人與人的關係上面。只要人與人的關係調處得好,生活沒有不快樂的。許多人感覺生活苦惱,原因大半在沒有把人與人的關係調處適宜。」is this my fault? if no, why i have hurt deeply?

 

二月十二日 Depressed

CIVIL WAR!

 

二月十一日 :(

still tidying up my stuff...feel not really good....I was thinking deeply while i was packing my stuff...I wonder why these things are happening on me! absolutely get lost...complaining, blaming, grumbling.......

PS
姓名:驚弓郎
年齡:十九
原居地:俗情村
嗜好:睡覺、靜思
性格:膽小懦弱、輕言放棄、欠缺信心
經歷:因渴慕天城的安逸和福樂而向天城進發。
結局:在往碧華官途中遇見獅子而大驚;雖然曾受傳道指點,明白了神的愛,卻對神、對自己都缺乏信心 ,認為天路太危險,便放棄了天城的福氣;結果要入地獄、遭永刑。

 

二月十日 :(

totally lost my skills of guitar, violin, harmonica and even vocal...how come! my music.....again....family......wanna get rid of it.....i do not want to handle it.....they are all immature.....

 

二月六日 :(

I have not gone to the church today for some personal reasons....still like that...i cannot change and even worse...sorry for the guys who are supporting me...at night, i have had dinner with my relatives....again, my father.....heavy hidden burden... can anyone in my family be more mature? i do not wanna have these things happened while i am having my examination.....

 

二月五日 :D

昨天是我們一班中七的 last day,一早入聖堂彌撒,睇返o的相,憶起好多係伍華的回憶,到左梆梆分享時,我的眼淚開始流出,唱校歌時更一發不可收拾,喪哭了。我諗左好多野,但唔識去表達,只有哭才能表達。我是一個不會哭的人,但在那一刻我真的忍不住.......跟住同左好多人影相。兩年來發生了很多事,有開心,有唔開心,這些東西一一都記在我的心坎中.... 我愛7B、所有任教7B的老師....多謝你們^^ WE ARE IN ONE CELL+同氣連枝....

二月二日 :I

I got a poor result in MS. Out of my expectation as I thought I must pass for this subject...I do care about the result since it really reflected how many marks I will got in AL...poor result for the chemistry either.....did nothing today instead I had blanked out myself for a few hours. Quite relax when I have done nothing.... Being self-centered, I have become a demanding person. However, I wanna give rather than receive but I cannot do so recently. Come on, add oil la...William.. Help the people who are suffering from difficulties....listen to them as you are a good listener.....

 

一月三十日 :I

今日係我校的家長日,雖然這次成績不是有太大的參考性,但是我的成績不是太好,總會覺得有少少唔開心..... 我好想買一本書,我兩次經過突破同埋今日學校的書展都有得賣,但係我唔敢買,亦都唔敢閱讀,個書名叫做《假如爸媽不再相愛》,我好好好好驚我的爸媽會......唔想再講,唔想再諗...好羨慕我的朋友們有好的家庭,好的家庭關係...心情突然有一點沉重.....唔想處理/處理唔到/唔到我去處理呢件事......

PS 一個會幫細佬吹頭的呀哥,一個會幫細佬gel頭的呀哥,兩個呀哥都好好,兩個細佬都好幸福。

 

一月廿七日 :)

last 5 days....received the result of TAS yesterday....it is very bad..aii...nevermind la..self-counselled for a moment...i am having uniform test in these two weeks..very hard ar...i still have a long way to go to reach my target...add oil ar...william...today's chem organic chem was badly done..aii...add oil......positive thinking>negative thinking

 

一月廿十日 :)

last 10 days....had my TAS-database...poor am i...i do think i cannot get higher than 70%........nevermind la....positive thinking is helping me......have a 'coffee+milk tea' and a cup noodles in the class room.....very nice!^^ i met chi hung at night and talked a lot.....add oil la....bless you...

 

一月十九日 :)

only 11 days left...after 11 days, my secondary school live will end! seize and treasure the day.... miss you guys...all the 7Bers...thanks for the guys who supported when I was down...remember what we have promised each other (the goal of AL!) and try our best to achieve it...add oil all the 7Bers and my F5&F7 friends....^^

today, we have 'boiled' cup noodles in the classroom...enjoyed it very much...haha^^..woo..today's dinner is very delicious, 11 fishes, a BIG bowl of porridge .....DeLIcIous!!!

 

一月十四日 :I

felt better in these days since i have donated blood to the red cross...i know that i will be happier after i have donated and so, i did so....wanna say sorry to everyone of you...recently, i cannot give out even i cannot care others as i really feel mentally exhausted..sor..

 

一月十一日 :(

unhappy in these days..i cannot get rid of those things..very harsh....cannot cry...what should i do? i cannot concentrate on my studies...!!i felt unhappy because of the following things..
1.relationship
2.my belief
3.family
4.studies

一月九日 :I

quite happy today as i have received blessing from others..also,gifts from others..i do not need to attend tutorial class instead, i went to play football with my brothers.. unfortunately, something happened at night which made me feel down....I wonder...a simple thing can break our relationship? you should be mature la..!!

Special thanks to: percy,chiu, grass,tung,pongpong,qingbin,ar lam,sunny,chi yeung,kitkit,ivan,iris,chi hung and the one who said happy birthday to me....