Archmage - Real Men, Roleplayers, Loonies & Munchkins

Favorite Single Color Deck:
Real Men play with a red deck.
Roleplayers play with a green deck.
Loonies play blue (but no creatures).
Munchkins play with a gold deck and 30 Resurrections.

Favorite Dual Color Deck:
Real Men play with red/blue.
Roleplayers play with green/white.
Loonies play blue/red (but no creatures except Kobolds).
Munchkins play with a gold deck and 30 Resurrections.

Favorite Creature:
Real Men prefer the Shivan Dragon.
Roleplayers prefer the Verduran Enchantress.
Loonies prefer Kobolds (but not Ornithopters).
Munchkins prefer Elder Dragons.

Favorite Way of Dealing Direct Damage:
Real Men prefer Disintegrate.
Roleplayers prefer the Prodigal Sorcerer.
Loonies prefer the Falling Star and Argorian Archaeologists.
Munchkins prefer a Forked Forked Forked Fireball.

Favorite Way of Healing:
Real Men don't bother.
Roleplayers prefer Stream of Life.
Loonies throw all their Ornithopters to Atog then sacrifice him with Life Chisel.
Munchkins have four Ivory Towers out by turn two.

Favorite way of Killing Creatures:
Real Men prefer Nivinyrral's Disk.
Roleplayers prefer Stasis/Winter Orb and Siren's Call.
Loonies prefer Lured Berserked Orcish Oriflammed Might Stoned Kobolds.
Munchkins play with a gold deck and 30 Resurrections.

Favorite use of CoP's:
Real Men don't use CoP's.
Roleplayers use CoP:Green.
Loonies use CoP:Artifact, Nova Pentacle, and Jade Statue, but run out of mana.
Munchkins get out CoP's after their Ivory Towers.

Favorite Artifact:
Real Men prefer the Juggernaut.
Roleplayers prefer the Amulet of Kroog.
Loonies prefer the Nova Pentacle when playing with Kobolds.
Munchkins prefer to interpret Sacrifice as their opponent's creatures.

Favorite Lord:
Real Men prefer Zombie Masters.
Roleplayers prefer Lords of Atlantis.
Loonies prefer Lords of London.
Munchkins prefer Lords of Lords.

Favorite Expansion:
Real Men prefer Unlimited.
Roleplayers prefer Arabian Nights.
Loonies prefer Jyhad.
Munchkins prefer Legends, especially the gold cards (and bought them, too).

Favorite Deck Size:
Real Men play with 60 cards.
Roleplayers play with 100 cards.
Loonies play with all their cards.
Munchkins play with a gold deck and 30 Resurrections.

Favorite Ante-affecting Card:
Real Men prefer Jeweled Bird.
Roleplayers prefer Bronze Tablet.
Loonies prefer Contract from Below.
Munchkins don't play for ante, because they may loose a card.

Favorite Way to Keep Track of Life Points:
Real Men use a 20-sided die.
Roleplayers use gem-colored stones, carried in a purse.
Loonies try to play the Lich as soon as possible.
Munchkins use a 100-side die.

Favorite Counters:
Real Men use poker chips.
Roleplayers use Pente beads.
Loonies use ten pound bricks.
Munchkins use the same counters for the same creature that has Takklemaggot and Infinite Authority on it.

Favorite Way to Obtain Individual Cards:
Real Men Pay $10 a card (It hurts but they can take the pain).
Roleplayers Win Legends with ante.
Loonies Cut out pictures of Ozzy Osburne and Alice Cooper and paste them onto Scathe Zombies.
Munchkins Preorders 20 boxes to guarantee 2 of everything.

Favorite Way to Buy Packs:
Real Men pre-order.
Roleplayers reserve their cards at their local store.
Loonies collect G/W/B boxes (but only if they have squiggles).
Munchkins wait outside Carta Mundi and want the God Box.

Favorite way to take damage:
Real Men grit their teeth and promise payback with interest.
Roleplayers clutch their chest and say "Tis but a flesh wound."
Loonies Stick a bandaid on their forehead and plug in a drip.
Munchkins don't take damage 'cos they went first and you lost on turn 1.

Favorite way to deal damage:
Real Men Green/White Warded Shivan Dragon with 10 mountains in play.
Roleplayers Scryb Sprites.
Loonies A control magiced Force of Nature but with Reverse Damage so they can use another bandaid.
Munchkins Anything that lacks imagination but is fatal.

How they respond to a Black Vise:
Real Men cast Disenchant or Shatter.
Roleplayers cast Ivory Tower.
Loonies cast Howling Mine or Library of Leng.
Munchkins cast Black Lotus, Mox Emerald, Channel, Fireball.

Favorite 1-mana creature:
Real Men like Kird Apes.
Roleplayers like Elves and Mesa Pegasi.
Loonies summon Will O' Wisps, then Berserk them, then attack.
Munchkins don't use 1-mana creatures.

Favorite high mana attacking creatures:
Real Men like Colossus of Sardia.
Roleplayers like Force of Nature.
Loonies like a Stone Giant with Firebreathing pumped up to hurl the Colossus of Sardia.
Munchkins Berserked Colossus of Sardia (if they haven't won on turn one that is).

Favorite Method of Generating Mana:
Real Men play multilands, with Sol Ring, a few moxes and maybe a Black Lotus.
Roleplayers play basic lands, legendary lands, Elves, and Mana Birds.
Loonies play jewelry-store decks (all moxes and Black Lotuses), but only for ante; If not playing for Ante, plays exclusively Cities of Brass in their Fireball deck.
Munchkins play jewelry-store decks, and run in horror if anyone suggests playing for ante.

Favorite Out-of-print Card:
Real Men miss Word of Command.
Roleplayers miss False Orders.
Loonies miss Ironclaw Orcs and the Chaos Orb.
Munchkins miss all the spoilers, especially Time Vault, the moxes, and Black Lotus.

Favorite Way of Eliminating Individual Creatures:
Real Men use Fireball/Disintegrate/Drain Life.
Roleplayers use Twiddle/Icy Manipulator and Nettling Imp/Siren's Call.
Loonies use Chaos Orb or Berserk and Nettling Imp or Jump and Earthbinds/Grapeshot Catapults.
Munchkins hit it with one part of their Forked Forked Forked Fireball.

Favorite Way of Eliminating Multiple Creatures:
Real Men split their Fireballs.
Roleplayers use Arboria/Stasis/Smoke and Siren's Call.
Loonies use multiple Jumps and Hurricane.
Munchkins split their Forked Forked Forked Fireballs.

Favorite 1/1 w/weird power creature:
Real Men like Tim.
Roleplayers like Nettling Imps.
Loonies *ARE* Nettling Imps.
Munchkins summon Ali from Cairo, then Oubliette him.

Favorite Infinite Loops:
Real Men like using Nether Shadows to feed their Lord of the Pit.
Roleplayers don't use 'em, since they're counter to the spirit of the game.
Loonies use a Life Chisel on their Nether Shadows to punch their life up to 200, then cast Channel and turn 180 of it into mana; they pour half into their White Mana Battery, and half into their Red Mana Battery; then they attack with their Lured, Holy Armored, Fire Breathing Craw Giant, tapping the batteries to pump the holy armor and fire breathing to maximum power; then they cast Fog.
Munchkins use all of them (bit of a letdown, isn't it?).

Favorite Other Magic-like game:
Real Men wish someone would get around to repackaging the old Lost Worlds game.
Roleplayers like "Once Upon A Time", although it doesn't quite qualify.
Loonies can't wait for Illuminati: New World Order; For now, they play Crazy Eights.
Munchkins (stop me if you've heard this one) play anything by TSR.

Favorite Decks:
Real Men use 2 Colors.
Roleplayers build themed decks.
Loonies play with all colors, and forgets to put in the enough lands.
Munchkins play with only fireballs.

Favorite Colors:
Real Men use Black.
Roleplayers switch depending on their charecter.
Loonies Check Their Moodring.
Munchkins don't use colors.

Favorite Creatures:
Real Men use Serra Angels.
Roleplayers use Leviathans and build the deck to get them out.
Loonies use ten Elder Dragon Legends (two of each kind).
Munchkins don't use creatures.

Favorite Dark Cards:
Real Men use Ashes to Ashes *without* COP:Black.
Roleplayers use Preacher and deliver a Sermon.
Loonies use Giant Growthed Rock Sleds (with flight) in their Goblin deck (with Tivadar's Crusade of course) (Could they get the goblins to band with the sled ?).
Munchkins add 4 fissures to their no creature, red blaster deck.

Favorite Ways of slowing down the game:
Real Men use Forcefield.
Roleplayers use Gravity Sphere and Moat.
Loonies cast a Meekstone and Unholy Strength all their Opponent's Creatures.
Munchkins use Lotus, Lotus, Channel, Fireball.

Favorite revised monster:
Real Men plays Force of Nature.
Roleplayers play a Vesuvan Doppleganger.
Loonies plays Orcish Balloon Brigade.
Munchkins plays with 40 Plague Rats.

Favorite (revised) way to damage opponent:
Real Men plays Disintegrate + Fork.
Roleplayers uses a Psychic Venom/Powersink combo.
Loonies play Orcish Artillery with Instill Energy.
Munchkins use Lotus, Lotus, Channel, Fireball.

Favorite Dark common:
Real Men like Venom.
Roleplayers like banded Pikemen.
Loonies use the Drowned (in all-blue decks).
Munchkins use Festival with Siren's Call.

Reactions upon playing a Munchkin:
Real Men grit their teeth and take it.
Roleplayers Howl, curse, and mutter "woe betide me!"
Loonies say nothing and come back at night, break into the Munchkin's locker and wallpaper the inside with his cards.
Munchkins Whimper and sob that it wasn't fair that he/she didn't get to go first.

Reactions upon playing Real Men:
Real Men arm wrestle for ante.
Roleplayers tell them black isn't them and they should do something with their hair.
Loonies light up a cigar and blow smoke in their face.
Munchkins make sure their parents are present.

Reactions upon playing Roleplayers:
Real Men end their turn with "OK, your go Hamlet."
Roleplayers insist the other goes first and spend the game trying to out-ham eachother.
Loonies write a running review and read it to them at the end.
Munchkins giggle when they draw a card and say "This is really going to piss you off."

Reactions upon playing Loonies:
Real Men strap them into their chairs.
Roleplayers pretend they're doing Punch and Judy.
Loonies swap decks and play for ante.
Munchkins change lockers and check the table for super glue.

On Ante:
Real Men don't care whether you play ante or not.
Roleplayers prefer not to play ante or allow you to ante two cards in place of the first card if you want to keep the first one.
Loonies only play ante with a deck consisting solely of Moxen, Loti, and Ornithopters.
Munchkins run for cover whenever you mention the A word.

And on Tournament appearance:
Real Men don't shave the day before and wear ponchos.
Roleplayers wear Save the Whales teeshirts.
Loonies wear Fat Willy surf shirts with a strapon codpiece.
Munchkins wear i) heavy metal teeshirts or ii) nylon shirts.

on Tournament behaviour:
Real Men speak through their teeth menacingly.
Roleplayers cut decks with a flourish and frequently hold their hands to their brow.
Loonies sing B52s numbers, drool (and take amphetamines if they're old enough).
Munchkins eat crisps noisily and slurp Coke.

Favorite Horde Deck:
Real Men prefer Goblins.
Roleplayers prefer Thallids.
Loonies prefer Orcs [guilty as charged].
Munchkins don't use creatures.

Favorite FE Land:
Real Men prefer Dwarven Hold.
Roleplayers prefer Svelyunite Temple.
Loonies prefer Rainbow Vale.
Munchkins think all the FE lands suck.

Favorite FE Sorcery or Instant:
Real Men prefer Goblin Grenades.
Roleplayers prefer Ication Towns.
Loonies prefer Goblin Grenades, but don't play with Goblins.
Munchkins use Hymn to Tourach, but still think FE sucks.

Favorite FE Creature:
Real Men prefer Ebon Praetor.
Roleplayers prefer Elvish Farmer.
Loonies prefer Orgg [twice convivted].
Munchkins think FE sucks.

Favorite Way to Ask for a Game:
Real Men "My deck can whomp your deck any day!."
Roleplayers "Shall we enter into the arena, fellow wizard?" .
Loonies "Wanna have sex? How 'bout a game of Magic?."
Munchkins "You call that a deck? It doesn't even have a Black Lotus!."

Reaction to a Win:
Real Men "Ha Ha! I told you so!."
Roleplayers "Twas a good game."
Loonies "Was it as it as good for you as it was for me?."
Munchkins "Next!."

Reaction to a Loss:
Real Men "I just had a bad shuffle; Look the card I needed was three cards down."
Roleplayers "Twas a good game."
Loonies "Next time, I get to be on top."
Munchkins react with utter disbelief.

From: Jim M "I can quit, I know I can, any day now..."

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