Welcome to Eliza's Home on the Internet!

A mixture of everything!!

-Information about myself
-A CLEAN Australian Joke Section
-A Music Joke Section
This page is not much yet, I'm afraid to say... it will be soon I hope!


As you may have noticed, I haven't edited this page for a while (about two years, actually!!) SORRY!! Anyway, now I am studying Journalism at the University of Queensland and I am having a great time. I finally have my driver's licence. The freedom is pretty good, however I really don't like that driving bit.

I note that my visitor tally has gone up since I was last here, so I thank all of the people who have so kindly visited my page. Over the next couple of weeks I will be adding more and more stuff, and improving my page... Please come back!!

I have already made some changes to this page so please keep reading

Well, as you can probably tell, I am Australian and I love the X-Files. (I have even met Gillian Anderson, herself, when she came to Australia!) As we Australians are usually a tad behind in the TV and movie department... I am open to any reviews, comments or suggestions that you may have about my page. My E-Mail address should be somewhere on this page.

Here is a bit of information about myself:
*Full Name- Eliza Matthews
*Birthdate- 22.08.1980 (08.22.1980)
*Residence- Brisbane, Australia
*Education- I am a journalism student at the University of Queensland
*Hobbies- Listening and playing music (I play the 'cello, piano and percussion), Watching the X-Files, Debating and almost any sport.
I am the eldest of five children. My siblings names are: John, Annabelle and Georgina (who are twins but don't like to admit it. They often get away with it too because they are totally unidentical. ie. Annabelle has brownish blonde hair and blue eyes and Georgina has dark brown hair and green eyes... etc.) Last but not least, Robert. Who, as the baby of the family is just seven years old.

I support the Liberal Party of Australia. If you don't like that, bugger off!! I am not partial to Pauline Hanson's One Nation and their ignorant policies.


If you are a Whitlam's fan (ie. the Band... not the ex Australian Prime Minister) READ THIS:

I interviewed Tim Freedman for an article that I was writing for the Queensland Independent (newspaper). Anyway, he gave me heaps of info on the band, however I don't think I can say what I thought of him, for fear of defamation. Let's say that I don't think that he has the utmost respect for the media. (To say the least...)

Although there are not many clean Australian Jokes, I will add all that I find. Remember: Jokes do not have to be sick to be funny!!
*Joke One: What does an Aboriginie call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
*Joke Two: Just imagine, for a moment, if there were no hypothetical situations. (BAD call, I know!!)
*Joke Three: There were two words, painted in very large graffiti on the wall of Central Railway Station, Brisbane. They were, JESUS LIVES! Just below, in much smaller lettering, someone had put, "Does this mean that we don't get an Easter Holiday?"
*Joke Four: A fish goes into a bar. The barman askes, "what d'ya want? The fish croaks, "water!"
*Joke Five: What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Sister Matic.
*Joke Six: Why wouldn't the butterfly go to the dance? It was a moth ball.
*Joke Seven: How many blondes does it take to bake a chocolate cake? 100. One to make the mixture and 99 to peel the smarties.
*Joke Eight: There were three blondes walking through the forrest, when they all suddenly stopped and the first said, "Hey!! Look at that- they're FOX tracks!" The second said: "No, no, they're not FOX tracks- they're rabbit tracks." The third one said: "You're both wrong. They're BEAR tracks!!" And then a train ran over them.
*Joke Nine: What's hot, yellow and dangerous? Shark-infested custard.
*Joke Ten: Two women walked into the ladies' lounge and ordered a couple of beers. "Are ya gonna have another luv?" "Nah. It's only the way me coats buttoned."
*Joke Eleven: How do you get an Auzzie on to the roof? Tell him or her that drinks are on the house.
*Joke Twelve: Why do Auzzies put XXXX on a can of beer? Because they can't spell "beer".
*Joke Thirteen: How do you get an Auzzie bloke to do situps? Put the remote control between his toes!!
*Joke Fourteen: Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So that men can understand them.

*Joke One: What do you call a string quartet? A good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist and someone who hates violinists!!
*Joke Two: What is the difference between a 'cello and a bass? A bass burns longer than a 'cello!! (My sister hates that joke as she is a bass player!!)
*Joke Three: Did you hear about the bass player who played so out of tune that his whole section noticed?

X-Files facts:
Did you know...:
-That Gillian Anderson has to walk along a plank and stand on a box in some scenes with David D. because of their height difference!! (DD is 6'1" and GA is 5'3")
-That The X-Files has been awarded a prize for children's programming from a Parents Association in America?
-That Chris Carter was the editor of Surfing Magazine in Australia for 13 years.
-That Gillian and David are both VERY private people and don't really like being famous.
-in high school she was voted class clown and most likely to be arrested and to go bald
-she was arrested on graduation night for breaking and entering into the high school; she spent several hours in jail before her boyfriend got her out
-she went to high school in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and somewhere there is a mug shot of her
-she had a pierced nose when she was a teenager
-she's twenty-nine
-she is tiny, despite what she appears to be on screen (that's probably because she spens her time standing on a box!
-she has a beauty mark over her upper lip.
-on screen, her character has laughed once in three seasons and smiled maybe three times
-as a teenager, she cut her hair in a Mohawk and lived with a musician ten years older than her
-she graduated from DePaul University in Chicago before moving to New York and working in the theatre
-she spent a year of auditioning for parts in L.A. before winning the X-Files part.
-in September 1993, two months into producion she began dating Clyde Klotz, former X-Files art director
-she married Clyde on New Years' Day 1994 on a golf course.
-the following September, 10 days after giving birth by C-section, she returned for her second season on the series
-her contract is for at least 4 more years
-her baby girl's name is Piper
-she went through a period of not liking her appearance
-she has a girlish giggle
-the X-Files came in first as favorite TV show (with 20%) in the TV guide reader's poll; X-Files came in second (with 25%) behind ER for favorite drama; David Duchovny was voted favorite actor (with 29%); Gillian Anderson was voted favorite actress (with 27%); David Duchovny came in second (with 14%) behind George Clooney as sexiest actor
-In real life, the "Cancer Man" is totally against smoking and on the show, his "MORLEY'S" (cigarettes) are only herbal cigarettes.
-In the show only, Fox Mulder (played by David D.) is red-green colour blind.


I could have focused this talk on a number of things. I could have focused it on the individual who filled his petrol tank with bananas when he ran out of fuel in the middle of the desert. Or the time when I was in Grade Seven when my judo class got so sick and tired of waiting outside for our always late judo teacher that we picked the lock on the front door of the school and set the alarm off. I could have even focused it on the desperation and determination that B.G.G.S. students feel to send Mrs Hancock to Canada for our next major sporting event. But, I have focused it on a forever loyal and desperate member of my family. My mother.

Before I tell you this story, I must explain one thing. The old house that I used to live in had a driveway that was extremely steep, extremely gravelly and extremely long.

My mother is forgetful. She forgets and loses small but important things such as her car keys, her purse and my baby brother. One particular night, for some unknown reason, the level of chaos in our household had risen enormously. This meant that my mother was more forgetful and desperate than usual. In the space of an hour, Mum had lost her keys three times- each time the keys were found in the same place, on the kitchen table. Finally, Mum had everything organised. Just as she was walking out of the front door to go to a meeting, she remembered that it was garbage night so she had to attach the wheelie bin, which smelt like rotting fish, to the back of our station wagon. Because of our treacherous driveway, it was impossible to push the bin to the end of the driveway by hand.

Later that night, as Mum was driving along the freeway, she noticed that a few people in other cars were giving her really strange looks. Some people were even laughing and pointing. After ten minutes of torture, curiosity got the better of her and she decided to investigate. When she stopped the car and got out, Mum could not believe her eyes. There, still attached to the back of the car, was a full, smelly, and slightly battered wheelie bin. Now this was a really desperate time for her and she had an even more desperate remedy. Mum picked up the wheelie bin with great difficulty, and shoved it into the back of her car. That car has NEVER smelt the same since!!

EMAIL: Please email me for suggestions, nice things (ie. clean) to put on my page, or not nice things that I won't put on my page, possible links for my page etc.

Links to other sites on the Web

Valerie's Home Page
The official X-Files site

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© 1997 s367375@student.uq.edu.au

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