Plastic Jesus
I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy him pink and pleasant, glows in the dark, he's
phosphorescent,
Take Him with you when you go afar.
You can buy a Sweet Madonna, dressed in rhinestone, sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell,
Going ninety I'm not wary, cause I've got my virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to hell.
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
Through my trials and tribulations, and my travels through the
nations,
With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far.
There is nothin that is cuter than a smilin Jolly Buddha,
Ridin on the dashboard of my car,
I don't have no idol cuter, comes in plastic, bronze and pewter,
Take him with me when I go afar.
Jolly Buddha, fat and squattin, on a pad of aspirin cotton,
He's with me wherever I may roam,
When it's late and I start to hurry, I know he ain't gonna worry,
He looks a me and all he says is, "Oooommmmmmm."
I don't care if it bumps or jostles, long's I got my twelve apostles,
Bolted to the dashboard of my car,
Don't I have a pious mess there, such a crowd of holiness there,
Strung across the dashboard of my car.
I don't care if it's dark or scary, long's I got Magnetic Mary,
Clingin to the dashboard of my car,
I feel I'm protected amply, got the whole damn Holy Family,
Just as good as wishing on a star.
There is nothing that is gaucher than eatin food that isn't kosher,
Right in front of my smilin Moses' face,
I'm afraid that he'll awaken when I'm eatin ham or bacon,
And throw them Ten Commandments in my face.
Riding on the thoroughfare now, with His nose up in the air now,
Riding on the dashboard of my mind,
Trouble coming He don't see, He just keeps His eye on me,
And any other thing that lies behind.
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
I'm afraid he'll have to go, his magnets ruin my radio,
And if I have a wreck, He'll leave a scar.
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright,
Slightly stained by smoke from my cigar.
If I weave around a little, and the cops all think I'm lit,
They'll never find my bottle though they ask,
Plastic Jesus shelters me, for His head comes off you see,
He's hollow so I use Him for a flask.
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
All the sunshine on his back, makes him peel & chip & crack,
But a little duck tape keeps Him up to par.
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him pink & pleasant, glows in the dark, He's
phosphorescent,
Take Him with you when you go afar.
source: Bob Longmire
rec.music.folk
---
Harry Mueller wrote:
> I need some help. Back in the 60's we used to
> sing a song called "Plastic Jesus".
I have the definitive version of this song, I believe. It has 6
12-line verses: are you ready?
(excuse typos)
Well I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car;
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
With my plastic J I'll go far.
Plastic Jesus Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
With my plastic J I'll go far.
I don't care if it's dark and scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Riding on the dashboard of my car;
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn Holy Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
No I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic J
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to to
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.
Riding down a thoroughfare
With his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see
He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind.
Plastic J Plastic J
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sunshine on his back
Makes him peel chip and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par.
When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow the horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning.
Plastic J Plastic J
Riding etc.
His halo fits just right
And I use it for a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter, near and far.
When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say "damn'
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic J doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
Plastic J plastic J
Riding, etc.
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke from my cigar.
If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me
For his head comes off you see,
He's hollow and I use him for a flask
Plastic J, plastic J.
Riding etc.
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.
Words are courtesy of The Folksinger's Wordbook (Oak Publications) (
geocities.com/hollywood/academy/3225) (
geocities.com/hollywood/academy) (
geocities.com/hollywood)