Note: Earlier in the show there was a comedy bit where Dave tried to guess what kind of pie his Mom was baking for Thanksgiving. He was upset that it turned out to be made of nuts instead of apples or something, which explains the odd reference to pies halfway through.

David Letterman: Ladies and gentlemen, here she is again, Happy Thanksgiving to Natalie Portman. Natalie, come on out.

[The band plays "Little Child" by the Beatles. Natalie walks across the stage and greets Dave. Dave remains standing as she sits down.]

DL: How are you?

NP: I'm good. How are you?

DL: Good. I was looking at your picture there in the monitor. Look at that face, look at that face. Man, do you look nice. You look great.

NP: [smiling coyly] Thank you.

DL: You know, you look all growed up. You're only--how old are you?

NP: I'm fifteen now.

[Dave sits down]

DL: Fifteen. You're just a kid, for heaven's sakes.

NP: [hunching over and shivering] It is SO COLD in here!

[The audience cheers in agreement]

DL: C'mon, you're a baby. C'mon, toughen up.

NP: I think we need to, like, start a fire.

DL: Get a little spine!

[Natalie laughs]

DL: Happy Thanksgiving! Do you like the holidays? It's my favorite holiday.

NP: It's a very, very nice holiday. Good for you.

DL: Do you just go nuts? Do you just stick your head in a turkey and go crazy?

NP: Oh, yeah.

DL: Yeah? Do you like turkey?

NP: I'm a vegetarian.

DL: Vegetarian! Really! When did you decide to become a vegetarian, and why?

NP: [starts to answer, then looks at him impressed] Two-part questions!

DL: Oh, yeah. I'm no chimp. This ain't exactly 'Regis and Kathy Lee'! [Audience cheers wildly] We're getting down to the tough stuff, here. [Things quiet down] Okay, so you're a vegetarian...

NP: Okay, so when I was eight, I went to--my Dad's a doctor, and I went to one--

DL: What kind of a doctor is Dad? Internist?

NP: An infertility specialist.

DL: Oh, infertility, yeah, we talked about that before. Yeah.

NP: Yes. And so they were demonstrating laser surgery on, like, a store-bought chicken, just like a regular old Perdue, you know...

DL: This is a new way to prepare the chicken?

NP: [laughs] No, they were just showing how laser surgery is done. And I was like, that's just so mean, that's so unnecessary to to kill a chicken for that. And then I was like, well, I'm eating chicken and I don't have to, and meat in general, so...

DL: So it was a matter of conscience.

NP: Yeah. Ever since then...

DL: So you come home to Mom and you say, we had this little demonstration and I would rather not eat chicken, and what does Mom say?

NP: And she just thought it was like a phase, like everything else I've ever done. But then it just stuck, and she got a little nervous, cuz now she's got to, like, whip out the old vegetarian cookbooks.

DL: And you've maintained that to this day.

NP: Yes.

DL: So do you eat other--do you eat, like, hamburgers?

NP: No, no, no, never.

DL: Do you ever eat fish?

NP: No. I did until about sixth grade. Then we dissected a fish and that was the end of that.

DL: Wow. So, like, for example, if you and I were to go to dinner--not, not NOW, you know, not until you're like eighteen--

[Natalie and the audience both laugh]

DL: But if we were to go to dinner, what would you order? What would you eat?

NP: [pondering] You mean for Thanksgiving, or just in general?

DL: Eh, pick a meal, I don't care.

NP: I dunno, just, you know, regular old vegetables. Pasta.

DL: Oh, pasta. And, like, carrots? You like carrots?

[Natalie laughs]

NP: Yeah.

DL: Brussel sprouts?

NP: Yes.

DL: That kind of thing.

NP: My Mom makes good Thanksgiving food for me, for vegetarians--

DL: A little special meal for you?

NP: Yeah. I mean, you know, I have like the cranberry sauce, the mashed potatoes, green beans...

DL: Aw, it's good, isn't it?

NP: And stuffing. She makes vegetarian stuffing, because generally, you know, stuffing, they stuff it up the turkey's butt and like let the juices all flow in...

[She stops talking because Dave has turned to stare at the camera. The audience laughs. Dave looks offscreen at the crew.]

DL: Well...BUTT? Really, butt?

[Everyone laughs. Dave turns and calls across to Paul Shaffer]

DL: Paul--UP THE BUTT?! Is that right?

[Natalie and the audience crack up]

Paul Shaffer: Can you say that on TV?

DL: Forget whether you can say it, is that really what they do?

PS: I dunno. You didn't hear about that?

DL: I'm gonna have to talk to Mom about it. For God's sakes.

[When the audience quiets down Dave turns back to Natalie]

DL: Whadja think of Mom and her wacky walnut creme pie, or hickory nut pie, or something. That's goofy, innit?

NP: That's out there.

DL: Yeah, a lot of busted teeth at the house tonight. Uh...you know, how was your experience working with Woody Allen? What was that like?

NP: It was really great--

DL: What's the name of this movie? This is like a musical, right?

NP: Yeah. It's a musical, and it's called "Everyone Says I Love You", and I think it's opening--

DL: I saw part of it this afternoon. What I saw of it, it just looks unbelievably sweet.

NP: It's really, really funny. It was really exciting, cuz it was my first time when I got to work with people like close to my age. And we were in Paris--they sent us to Paris for three weeks...

DL: Had you ever been to Paris before?

NP: Yeah, I did "The Professional" there for, like, two months, but...

DL: See, you're nuts. You're fifteen, you've already worked on two films in Paris. I'm lucky if I get to Albany! [The audience laughs, and Dave pretends to laugh along. Then when they quiet down he suddenly turns off screen.] UP THE BUTT?! Seriously? [Everyone cracks up. Dave turns back to Natalie] Paris is great, though, isn't it? What was it like, little kids running around Paris? It must have been keen, huh?

NP: It was keen. [slightly mocking] It was swell. [She gives him a look and the audience laughs]

DL: How are things at school?

NP: They're good. Last time I was on this show, I got in some flak with my teachers...

DL: You mentioned that one of your teachers was creepy.

NP: [laughing] I did. I said he was a little weird, because he recommended for me to read "On the Road", which is basically...

DL: Jack Kerouac.

NP: Yeah. I mean, it's a good book, but it's all about sex and drugs and all that crazy stuff...[A few people in the audience applaud, and Natalie laughs] So, anyway, I said he was a little weird on the show, and the next day in school...that was fun. He was like, 'It's not like you said on national television or anything that I'm weird'.

DL: Now, you know, he could flunk you, if he wanted.

NP: He...he tried! He wasn't too happy with me for the rest of the year.

DL: Stone Temple Pilots are here.

NP: They are great.

DL: You wanna hang around?

NP: Yeah, definitely, I'd love to.

DL: Alright, cool. We'll be right back with Stone Temple Pilots, kids.

[Commercial break. When the show comes back on, Natalie is still sitting there, but she's now wearing a pair of mittens. Dave talks to her as he pops something [?] into his mouth]

DL: You cold? You got your mittens on. You had a handwarmer during the commercial.

NP: Check these out.

[She pulls back the end of one of the mittens to expose her fingers. They're "flip-top" mittens]

DL: Ooooh. Are you really that cold?

NP: It's real cold.

DL: You know, you wouldn't be cold if you ate meat. [Audience laughs] Something about the circulation. [Some members of the audience cheer loudly. Dave looks at the camera and rubs his fingers together.] Get a little something from the American Beef Council, you know what I'm saying? [Dave starts to read off of his blue cards] Stone Temple Pilots will be here. Oh, I really am excited about having these boys on the show.

NP: Are you?

DL: Tomorrow on the program, Teri Hatcher, she's TV's Lois or Clark, I never know which one...Brent Spiner, oh, he's in a big movie...Star Trek First Contract, Contact. [To Natalie] You like that Star Trek stuff?

NP: Haven't seen any of it.

DL: Spock, got them ears?

[Dave fiddles with his ears]

NP: Wait, what is it?

[She flips back her mittens and tries to make the Vulcan 'Live Long and Prosper' sign with the fingers]

DL: Yeah, sure.

NP: Multi-purpose gloves.

DL: And Luscious Jackson. That'll be the program tomorrow night. We'll be right back with Stone Temple Pilots.