Bill’s Mishaps


Ever noticed how in many of Bill’s earlier films he always seemed to end up being the one with all the bad luck? Well, one of the writers for Empire magazine picked up on this too. Here’s an article all about Bill’s characters mishaps……(once again, thanks to Empire!)

The Terminator (1984)
Role: Blue, spiky haired punk.
Predicament: Just arrived from the future, a naked Arnie demands the clothes from a trio of punks led by Paxton.
Dies?: No. But is thrown against a railing while his pal has his heart ripped out.

Aliens (1986)
Role: Spineless marine Hudson.
Predicament: Besieged on a distant planet by hordes of acid-blooded xenomorphs.
Dies?: Spectacularly. Dragged through floor by one of the aliens.

Near Dark (1987)
Role: Redneck, spur-sporting nomadic vampire Severen.
Predicament: Having been runover by a petrol tanker driven by Adrian Pasdar, Paxton, his face a bloody mess, drags his way up onto the hood, ripping bits out of the engine.
Dies?: Blown to smithereens when the tanker crashes and explodes.

Predator 2 (1990)
Role: Golf crazy cop Jerry “Lone Ranger” Lambert.
Predicament: Recently transferred to LA’s Metro division – nickname “the warzone” – under the command of Danny Glover, he’s assigned to investigate a series of brutal murders…
Dies?: Yep. Bloodily. Strung up by the Predator after a chase on the LA subway. Also has his balls crushed by Maria Conchita Alonso.

One False Move (1991)
Role: Sheriff Dale “Hurricane” Dixon.
Predicament: Local hero Dixon faces a pair of psychopathic robbers.
Dies?: Yes-siree. Gets stabbed in the gut and shot in the climatic gunfight and slowly bleeds to death as the son-he-never-knew-he-had inquires “Are you dead, mister?” (I’m not too sure about this one, whether he really dies because it fades to black, so there’s no certainty that he dies. At least I like to tell myself that because I like that character… ~ Lauren)

Trespass (1992)
Role: Redneck Arkansas fireman Vince.
Predicament: Besieged with his fireman buddy in an East St. Louis warehouse by Ice-T and his gang of automatic weapon-toting drug dealers.
Dies?: No, but is beaten up by a wino, shot at and, finally, smoked out.

Monolith (1993)
Role: LA cop Tucker.
Predicament: Caught in middle of X-Files-style conspiracy with bad guy government agent John Hurt covering up existence of alien craft.
Dies?: No, but is shot at, attacked and possessed by alien beings.

Tombstone (1994)
Role: Wyatt Earp’s younger brother Morgan.
Predicament: All is not well in Tombstone, with tensions running high between the Clanton gang and the Earp’s.
Dies?: Yeah! Shot in the back while playing pool, and bleeds to death.

True Lies (1994)
Role: Simon the used-car salesman.
Predicament: Pretending to be a super-spy, Simon is about to do the dirty with Jamie Lee Curtis when Arn-uld and his SAS-style team bursts in.
Dies?: No. But is shot at, and pisses his pants when Arnold dangles him over a dam. “I’m nothing” he whines. “I’m navel lint.”

Apollo 13 (1995)
Role: Astronaut Fred Haise.
Predicament: On the way to the moon, an oxygen tank explosion cripples the Apollo 13 leaving the crew of three stranded in space.
Dies?:Almost. Because he’s the one crew member to contract a urinary infection. Oh, he manages to toss his lunch, too.

Twister (1996)
Role: Twister-chasing scientist Bill.
Predicament: Throwing caution to the , er, wind, Paxton and his team of twister-chasers chase after five twisters and has houses, tractors, trucks and cows thrown at him.
Dies?: No, but he bloody well should have done.

The Last Supper (1996)
Role: Redneck trucker and ex-marine Zachary Cody.
Predicament: Invited for dinner by a bunch of college intellectuals, he is attacked for his racist comments.
Dies?: Is the Pope a Catholic? Knifed in the back, mate…


Mark Salisbury

Copyright Empire magazine.


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