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Welcome to the Not-so-Grand-anymore Opening of Retardedsheep.com!!!
A Note From Juck:
Yes we are back on Geocities like the loser we is. We are still www.Retardedsheep.com though! Oh yeah and at least we get to have some fancy geocities benefits like the counter. Sorry about the delay of updating, but I refused for a long time to update the page unless we had a real server, but the Sheep got sick of it and took initiative. I guess I'll live. Anyway be looking out for the new format coming soon!!
This page is specifically NOT dedicated to:
Steve IIguana for NOT providing us with a server anymore! (Well i'm just kidding, really. Steve was great to us and we didn't want to burden him anymore. Thanks Steve!)
Thoughts By The Sheep, Himself
I want to give you with something that has inspired me for many years now. I believe that this is that first piece that Juck and I collaborated on. Also, this is an example of what can be found in the literature section. So, with no further ado, i present you with something that, like unopened Fig Newton packages everywhere, is relevant to each and every one of us:
The Rehalked Poem:
On this rock I bashed my knee,
Then it floated out to sea.
So then I sat down and broke my arm,
And that floated out on a big pharm.
As I sat down,
I started to drown.
My toes were falling off;
Not only that,
but I was really fat,
And I started to eat from a trough.
Then a blizzard started to brew,
And it grew and grew and grew.
With that, I lost my internal organs,
I started to faint,
And filed a complaint,
And was referred to P.E. coach Morgan.
Then I started to write this verse,
Be sure not to read it in reverse:"Be glad you still own your gizzard,
As for mine was blown away in a blizzard."Know the moral well:
It doesn't pay to misspell.
For what fools are they,
Who spell "stick" without a "K"-By The Retarded Sheep and Juck
This has been brought to you today:
By the letters: Q and Ph
The variable: Elmonkey
The name: Lumprada
and The company: Duck Tape Brand Duct Tape.
Notes On The Page
New!!! Check out the staff page!!!
You'll notice we have gone through some serious design changes as well as added many new sections. We have also added some new staff members!
Let us know what you think of the new design and ask any question in the Q and A section!
Check up on the latest news of the strange in "In the News"!
Learn a screwed up history lesson in "Sam's History"!
Check out the weird art in our art gallery and the newest "Art of the Fortnight"!
Check out the latest music lesson from our resident musician Sean in the Music section!
Get your fortnightly dose of Hebrew from Alon the Monkey!
Also, check out staff and fan written stories, jokes and poems in the Literature section!
So knock yourself out and have fun.
Coming Next Fortnight!!! (Or soon thereafter)
-Guestbook!
-Regular Music Section!
-Better Index Design!
-Message Board!
-A Better Logo!
-A Literature Section!
-Advertisement Banners!!!!!!
-More Lists Like This!
A Reminder or Two (Actually Seven)
Try not to glue your finger up your nose.
Be glad you still own your gizzard,
Mine was blown away in a blizzard.
The Retarded Sheep is not responsible for your uncanny resemblance to Henry Fonda.
Do not repeat yourself.
Do not repeat yourself.
In case of fire, click here:
Pages by the Retarded Sheep
(In some coming fortnight these will all be under the Literature section)
Guides to: Are you: Read about: Doing Stuff! A Blonde? Rehalkism Stupid Games! An Idiot? Shit-mul Being Dysfunctional! Drunk? The Great Sheep Conspiracy Not Farming! Politically Correct? Pissing Off
![The Retarded Sheep's [sarcastic] Award of Competence](pictures/caward2.gif)
Goes toThe Registered Voters of the United States:
For:
You know what you did.
Color of the Fortnight
Almost But Not Quite White
This is not white. On the hexa-something scale white is #FFFFFF, but this is #FFFFFE, making it "Almost But Not Quite White".
[Juck says: This is useful when your transparency mask is pure white and you need white in your image. Alright nevermind. Leave me alone, dammit!!]
Word of the Fortnight
Subliminable
(sub-LIM-in-a-ble), v.1. Subliminal. 2. Subliminal as mispronounced by George Bush.
Example: I never put no subliminable messages in my adversitisement. That's redicululious!
Fact(s) of the Fortnight
Another Saying Explained
During the Manhattan Project in the early '40s, the time it took for the imploding shell of uranium to reach the center of the sphere was measured in "shakes of a lamb's tail". One shake = 1x10^-8 sec. It took about three shakes of a lambs tail to get the uranium to a critical mass and initiate spontaneous fission.
Long Lost Triplets of the Fortnight
Venus and Serena Williams and Predator
Check out the hair and faces. And I don't know who is scarier.
© 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000 Retarded Sheep Entertainment
AND NOW AN IRRITATING WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!