STROODIE: Uh... thanks for coming you guys. That incident in the hotel.. had me kinda shook up.
 
JUSTIN: Ah almost fuhgot mah hunee hea! (Holding up the retriever-looking-thing by the tail, still inexplicably soggy.)
 
I must have had a very strange look on my face (granted, I was numbly unaware of it) because Joey shut up about Twinkies for two minutes to lean over and whisper cryptically:
 
JOEY: (whispering) He's been this way ever since.. well.. you know. The accident.
 
STROODIE: Ah yes. The accident. I.. uh.. see.
 
LANCE: I wuv my Chompers. (Throws an undividing glower directly at JC. JC Pretends not to notice.)
 
STROODIE: accident. ah, yes. WELL! Allrighty then! So.. how has you guys' touring been? Fun, I presume?
 
JC: Yes. Very Fun. We are scheduled to depart from Greenville-Spartanburg International Airport at 6:45 tomorrow morning for Las Vegas in the beautiful state of Nevada. There we are going to feed thousands of starving homeless city children before attending a glorious charity ball. By nine-o-clock pacific standard time, we will have decreased world hunger by .02%. After this notably greedless event, we will be----dad blast it!
 
STROODIE: HA! So THERE'S the cue-card-dude! Hey cue-card-dude! How's it goin?
 
Cue-Card-Dude looks distressed as he fishes for the correct card.
 
JC: ...we are going to feed thousands of starving homeless city children before attending a glorious charity... HOLY SMACK, man, we've already frippin' done that one!!
 
CUE-CARD-DUDE: I quit.
 
I notice that while I have been wrapped up in the drama presented previously, I have neglected Justin, Joey, Chris and Lance in attention. I turn to see Lance under a table snoring loudly and Justin, Chris, and Joey involved in a heated game of contact-rock-paper-scissors. Justin tackles Chris (retriever flailing), which sends them sliding out the coffee house door. Joey, pointing in the direction of the door, is choking with laughter and looks as if he might lose any one or more internal organs with another convulsion. Chris returns haughtily straightening his dreds and brushing cement dust off his shirt.
 
CHRIS: I have been VI-O-LATED!
 
This does it for Joey. I avert my eyes as one of his lungs goes bouncing out the door, outside of which I had noticed Justin prostrated face down in the sidewalk. The furry canine mass peeks out from under his left knee.
 
STROODIE: Uh, You know what guys?
 
No one seems to notice my comment, so I slip out the door quickly so as to avoid a commotion. Hopping over the barely-breathing Justin-form on the stoop, I clear the coffee house windows and run. As fast as my legs would carry me. Far, far away. Onstage.. five guys with microphone. Offstage... I'll leave this conclusion to you.