| Title: After All Author: RPcrazy Category: DRR, Reyes POV. Romance Rating: PG for most, then R, ends up NC-17 (sexual references and language) Summary: Monica Reyes had first realized she loved her partner John Doggett when working on his son’s murder case back in New York. Now all she had to do was wait for him to catch up. How long would it take for him to let go of the painful past and to express his true feelings for her? This is how John came to realize his love for his partner seen through Monica’s eyes. After Luke It just happened. It wasn’t the first time I met him, circumstances were all too grim and he was aloof, his mind filled with despair and uncertainty over his son’s disappearance. I still remember him there on the chair in New York Police Headquarters after I had been called in to help the investigation, head in hands hiding his anguish. When introduced to me he looked up slowly revealing his swollen face and worry lines that made him older than he looks today nine years later. I felt deeply for him then, seeing a man so emotional he would not hide his feelings from a newcomer, not even from his colleagues. It was not love but there was a connection there I only came to understand later as we spent more time together. During the three days before we found the outcome we never left each other’s sides except to go home at night. He and his wife had recently separated which had added to the pain of this tragedy, making it a part of his life that no one should have to remember. John was staying in a hotel until he could find more permanent accommodation. For two of those nights I tried to call him. He never did tell me where he had been. I assumed it had been with his wife but on the third night when he wanted me to stay I knew that even if he had stayed with Barbara the other nights he needed more than her company. He needed me. As I watched him sleep from the couch on that last night before finding his son I thought back to the previous three days and remembered how he had approached the case. I had been the one holding his emotions in check but he had been the driving force, leaving nothing unanswered or untouched. My admiration grew for this man with strength of character, tenacity, courage and rationality even while going through pain only a grieved parent could know. His restless body on the bed needed comforting that I could give. My arms around him and my body warmth near him could give him the extra hours of sleep he needed to continue. I truly considered it numerous times through my wakeful night. There was one moment in the early hours of the next morning when my body was out of the chair and heading towards him. The only occurrence that stopped me was a very vivid image that pervaded my mind so abruptly it was almost painful. I slumped to the floor holding my head and waking John. “Monica?” His mention of my name in that husky morning voice of his was enough to let the image free and once again my head was clear. “Are you okay?” “I’m good.” My smile gave away my renewed composure but not my concern as to what had just happened. “It was nothing. How did you sleep?” “It didn’t look like nothing to me. Talk to me.” He patted the bed for me to sit. Thoughts rushed through my head as to whether I should bother him with my concerns when it was he who needed the emotional attention. This was the first time I had noticed his eyes and how blue they were. His face had softened for the first time since we had met three days ago. It was short lived but let me experience a glimmer of the man he could be without the current burdens. “I have a gift.” I decided to reveal a little of myself to further explain my vision. “You do? “I have had it since early childhood. I see things.” He was quiet, just watching me with those piercing eyes of his. I could tell he was unconvinced but I continued. “I get images in my mind sometimes real, other times abstract. I just have to decipher what they mean.” “And you saw something just now?” His voice was low and whispered. His face told all as to his disbelief. “What was it?” “Yes John, I saw a small charred body lying in a field.” His eyes widen and his mouth drops open, then he goes to talk but no words come out. It was almost like, that for a moment, he believed me. I was to remember that expression years later on another case in connection with his son. The phone rang from the other room breaking the moment. I watched him as his face formed a small scowl of barely visible frustration and lifting the covers went to answer the intrusion. It was at that moment I had felt a connection between us as though we were destined to be. Meant to be friends, colleagues or lovers I did not know but my instincts told me that this man would be more than just a work associate. It was after Luke’s tiny body was found face down dead in a field and the night we spent together in bed that I knew it for sure. He was so racked with grief that every word uttered was monosyllabic as I lay with him on the soft surface. The ‘whys’, the ‘hows’ and ‘Lukes’ were greeted with comforting whispers and strokes of my hand through his hair, over his jaw and to his lips where I lightly lay a finger. My fingers felt over much of his body that night but nothing sexual, just one friend comforting another with physical closeness. My heart ached for him after that and I gave him sympathy and solace where I could, he giving me reason for hope with his tenacity to find his son’s killer. Our relationship never got past the non-sexual touching phase and when he told me he was enrolled in FBI Academy my first thought was to go too. I was in love with him by then and always would be but he was not ready to go further than we had. His burden was too heavy to lift it up and be free to love me in return. Just as I had comforted him before and after his son’s death I knew innately that the time apart was what he needed, a clean break from memories in New York. If I followed him then I was also a reminder of those times so I stayed, my heart heavy but still secure in the fact that one day he would be ready for me and I would be there to accept it. ………….. After Empedocles It was good to see John again in person rather than the emails, phone calls and the odd visit every couple of months. It was I who kept in contact more than he but there had been times when he would need my expertise to help solve cases. It was good to hear his voice on the phone but it was even better in real life. Apart from the odd comment every so often I hadn’t spoken to John about Brad. He knew about my involvement with Brad Follmer, he was one of a handful of trusted souls, but not the extent of ‘liaising’ behind closed doors. One day I would tell him about the rise and fall of the Follmer/Reyes relationship but our newly formed joint venture was still in its infancy and I didn’t want it in any way tainted. When John had called me all the way from DC wanting me to come up to look into a possible alien abduction case I was as sceptical as he. We had shared jokes about the possible sanity of people who professed abduction by aliens but although there was no hard evidence I still kept an open mind. I loved John for his no nonsense ‘meat and potatoes’ approach to investigative work but I always knew he had more trouble accepting my stance. I understood that one day he would acknowledge me for me; it was only a matter of time. Since my first time in DC helping John on his quest, Mulder had reappeared. John had filled me in on the details of him dying and then not really being dead. It was all so surreal. It amused me hearing John relate the details of a story that not long ago he would have disregarded as a hoax. Was my John Doggett the sceptic slowly becoming a believer? The Jeb Dukes case was an upsetting one for John, dredging up his unhappy past with the death of his son. When I first saw the vision of the charred body in the New Orleans office I immediately thought of John and what we had been through. He had also told me in confidence that he had seen the same vision as I had, of his son’s charred body in that field. He had confessed this one night we had spent together. It was the night before I was to go back home to New Orleans. There had been an awkward moment when I was about to leave. I knew at that time that neither of us had wanted to part but the inevitable needed to happen. He pulled me into an unoccupied room and looked uncomfortable before telling me. His anguish at not understanding why he was having those images and that he couldn’t use them to help him find Luke was eating away at him. I had agreed to stay with him until morning just holding each other and talking. That time came again years later after the Jeb Dukes case had been more or less closed. It was the night before John was to return to DC. He had been staying at a hotel but I invited him to spend his last night with me at my place. ………………… It happened again. He started off sleeping on the couch but we ended up in my bed just talking and feeling. For him it would have been a more than friendship thing but falling short of sexual. I was some stability in his life, the person who would calm him down and steer him away from anything that would bring back the pain. How I wished it were more. Every time I had seen him since that first time it was becoming harder to let go. “What did you think of Mulder?” Were his first words and I snuggled into his warm shoulder, his fingers trailing down my arm as he spoke. “He looked pretty good for a man who had spent three months underground.” I smiled on his shoulder. “Do you believe that? Monica, I have seen some things in my life but never something that bizarre.” His arm wrapped round me tighter and my hand rested on his chest. “More bizarre than someone infested with evil?” After I said that, he was silent for a while and I let him think. “Do you really believe that the man who may have killed my son had an evil bug in him?” The room was dark and quiet and his voice was hushed. “It’s the only thing that made sense in this case.” I shifted my face on him just savoring his closeness because the next day he’d be gone again. “Made sense? Tell me how that makes any sense to you.” I could tell he’d been thinking about the case and trying to come to terms with something he didn’t understand. “Why is anyone evil? Are they born with the predisposition or is it learnt and that society teaches them to be evil?” He remained still just listening. “There may be this third way, that there is an evil that jumps from one person to the next. A seemingly good person changes overnight.” “Sometimes I wonder why I’m in this job Monica.” “You do?” I rested on one elbow and looked into his face in the dark. I saw the glint in his eyes and suddenly wished I could see them every night. “Someone like you should be on the X-Files, not me.” I found myself looking away towards the window and decided to tell him my true feelings about the topic. “That would be my dream job. You John, have the position I’ve always wanted.” “No kidding.” “To solve the cases you deal with would be so challenging. You must have a real sense of achievement after each case.” He must have seen my smile in the dim room. “Half the time I’m in the dark.” I felt him chuckle before I heard him. “You know what?” “What?” “Dana is going on maternity leave soon. I could put in a good word for you.” The thought had occurred to me but it was better coming from his lips. “I might like that.” Resting again on his chest I closed my eyes to dream about what it would be like to work as permanent partners with this man. “It would mean we couldn’t do this though.” That would be a drawback but just being with him on a daily basis would be reward enough. I sighed on his chest and thought about how it would feel relocating to DC and being near John again after so many years. ……………. After Daemonicus It had only been a few weeks since the whole ordeal of Scully’s baby’s birth, the super soldiers and joining The X-Files permanently when we were called out to West Virginia to look into a case that seemed to be ritualistic. I had arrived on the scene before my partner and felt creeped out at the odd feeling in the room that suggested the presence of evil. John came in a little later and surveyed the scene labelling it as satanic ritual. Even though he looked at me strangely I knew how I felt, there was something more there than just what appeared on the surface. John as usual had to explain it the only way most people would see it but I knew he probably felt it too. In Luke’s case he had reluctantly admitted he had seen the charred body visions too. I was certain he had more perception than he gave himself credit for or he just didn’t want to admit it. This hadn’t been the first time we’d been at loggerheads over the reasoning behind a case. I was used to John coming at things from a different angle but this case demonstrated our obvious differences. He seemed frustrated somehow and seemed to disagree with or have a comment for everything I said. Since becoming co workers I felt that John had stepped back a bit from our relationship. He had more or less said back on the New Orleans case that if we were ever partners then we would have to chill a bit and not look so chummy. I understood the reasoning that we were there to do a job and any sort of relationship past friendship and partnership could distract us from our mission. Sometimes when I lay there in my hotel room bed at night wishing things were different I ended up just thanking my lucky stars I was close to John once more after so long. I loved living in DC and loved my job. One thing did concern me however and that was John’s relationship with Dana. I knew it was silly of me and I had never been the jealous type before but it was something about the way John behaved around her that had me wondering. During our ‘Daemonicus’ case he seemed more ill at ease especially after talking with Josef Kobold. What had he said to make John almost paranoid? The only way I could explain it was that perhaps he had an attraction for Dana that wasn’t reciprocated. She was an attractive, single, intelligent woman who worked closely with him for a number of months. He was most likely concerned how she would cope as a single mother and maybe even imagined him being there to help look after the baby. Naturally a bond would have formed there but Mulder was back from the dead and even though he was in hiding he and Dana would always be soul mates. John probably felt a little displaced when Mulder had recovered. A few times I wondered if the situation was different and that Mulder was truly dead would John seek Dana’s affections? Would she eventually learn to love him in return? After thinking that way I would usually shake my head and say, ‘Monica, it’s only hypothetical.’ When the case was over and Kobold had fled to who knows where I decided that I would need to work on the relationship between John and me. I wanted us to go forward but it had seemed to be going in reverse. I would be the one to let him forget about Dana and focus his attention back on me. Tomorrow I would ask him for his assistance at looking for an apartment in DC. We needed to spend more together out of work time. …………………. As soon as I saw it I knew it was right for me. The studio apartment was in Bennett Avenue, a quiet side street away from the main traffic areas. We walked into a large open living area that I imagined filled with the furniture I had collected in New York and New Orleans and still had in storage waiting for the day I would find a home. To one side was a partitioned off kitchen and to the other were a bathroom and a single bedroom. The view afforded by the window at one end was of the building behind us. Any apartment with any better view would have been out of my price range. John had been a great help on the day and certainly knew my tastes by then. After signing the papers and paying the deposit I suggested we go out to dinner to celebrate. He happily agreed and we ended up walking a few blocks away to a small Italian restaurant. His mood had been so much better since our Daemonicus case and I wondered if it was something that had happened then that had made him think and change his tune. The old John was returning and I was thankful for that. I would just have to urge it along a little more. “It’s perfect, thank you.” I mentioned to John as the waiter had left us after taking our orders. “I was just there for the ride. It was the real estate agent who pointed it out to you.” John was looking good in his jeans and rust colored polo shirt with cream zip up golf jacket. I hadn’t seen him quite so handsome and relaxed since coming to DC on his request. Sometimes I wondered why he hadn’t met a woman by then and remarried. On the other hand he was married to his work, which wouldn’t leave much room for a social life. I had always hoped he would want me. “I couldn’t have found it without you John.” There was a moment that I just looked into his eyes and wondered what he was thinking, More importantly I wondered what he was thinking about me. He broke the silence with something unexpected, “Tell me about Brad.” Was that what was on his mind, my relationship with Brad? “What do you want to know? I’ve already confessed to you that we had an affair behind closed doors.” “So no one knew? Not even his secretary?” It really did matter to him that I had dated the Assistant Director for a couple of years. “Maybe his secretary did but she never let on. You don’t know how hard it is to keep quiet during sex.” I smiled at his reaction and certainly phrased the statement that way for his benefit. Surely he didn’t think the association was plutonic. I decided to continue to let it really sink in, “You don’t know how sexy it is having a taboo relationship, to keep it all hidden from the world.” As I said this it dawned on me again that if I was to go further with this man than friendship and partnership then it also might need to be kept quiet. It got me wondering if John would ever agree to that, to a covert romance. He was different from Brad. Brad was a cheater anyway; I had found that out in New York. John was an honest person who followed procedure appropriately except when that due process was deemed unfair and inconsistent. That didn’t mean I wasn’t honest. To me the world of rules and rightness could be bent a little if they didn’t hurt others and added some spice to our lives. If we had been caught then I would have admitted guilt and accepted the consequences. If John told me tomorrow that he loved me, then we would talk about where we would take it. On the other hand why suddenly announce to the world that two FBI partners were romantically involved and then it not work out. There was room there for some experimentation on the side. I knew I could convince John of this. The thought was quite exciting but still only fantasy. There was a moment stuck in our own thoughts just before our drinks came. He had a sip of his beer and then asked what I knew was on his mind, “Did you love him?” “I cared for him. The sex was hot. I suppose I loved him.” That didn’t sound too convincing but I was truly unsure as to my feelings. Also the way it all ended had tainted my memories of him. “Then why did you leave him and go to the New Orleans office?” The question was an inevitable one but also one that I could not answer without putting Brad’s position and life in jeopardy and probably my own. It had all been weighed up in my mind over and over and I would do the same again if put in a similar situation. Could he tell it from my face? “Monica, you don’t have to tell me.” I was a little relieved that he said it first because I didn’t want to lie to him. One day I would tell him but maybe in bed after he was delirious after sex, further down the track. I was about to ask him about Dana and how he felt about her. After all I had been forthcoming about Brad but something told me that it might just spoil the mood that had returned between us. One day I would need to know. I had a fair idea that he had been attracted to her and when Mulder came back he was disconsolate but I wanted to hear it from him. I cared for him deeply and so wished we could have been together sooner. That’s the way life goes. The rest of the meal was pleasant and relaxed with light conversation about our lives. We needed this time just catching up. John’s mood had certainly lightened and I took advantage of this. We parted company that night both knowing that all felt right with us again. Whatever had held John back he had got over it and was free to move our partnership back to where it had been and further. During 4-D It was a Saturday and the first I’d had totally to myself since I’d started on the X-Files. Moving into my new apartment needed the whole day so I had just told Skinner not to call. The movers came at eight and had gone by ten. John arrived about ten minutes later as though he had been waiting for them to leave so he could talk to me alone. I was already in a good mood but seeing him so relaxed and in casual clothes looking so good lightened my being even more. Him being in my new apartment having helped me find it reminded me about how good it was so good to see him again after all the time apart. It was even better seeing him outside work hours; there hadn’t been a lot of time for it with the hours he kept. Time had tempered him somewhat also. He wasn’t nearly as anxious as I had remembered; there again I hadn’t really seen him often in a casual atmosphere such as this. He looked younger and healthier than I had remembered too. On occasions there had been the temptations to touch him, even to wrap my arms around him and bring back the ease and closeness we’d had in New York and that night in New Orleans. The right moment had not occurred but I knew it would happen one day; it was only a matter of time. “Well hello. You just missed the movers.” My smile was wide and involuntary and I couldn’t help but stare into his clear blue eyes. They held a spark I had not seen before and I hoped would see more often over the time we would be together. I wanted it to never end. “You don’t say. I brought you a house-warming gift.” His carefree attitude was lifting my spirits more and I took the white paper bag with curiosity. Some knick-knacks for decoration were not his approach and mine neither but before I opened the back I smelt it. “Hot dogs?” “Polish sausage; the best in the city. I bought them a couple of blocks over in M street, you can walk there.” Still with the smile cemented on my face I made conversation even though hot-dogs were not really my style. One day I would invite him over for a real meal. As he took a bite and looked the happiest I’d ever seen him I couldn’t help but move up and touch him. It was a simple gesture wiping off the mustard at the corner of his mouth with my thumb but his expression changed. At that moment I knew this had been unexpected for him. Also at that moment I felt totally at ease having done it and inwardly smiled. The move for him was surprising because we hadn’t touched like that since the night in New Orleans. There had been tension since arriving in DC and the tension was slowly dissipating. It was my hope that this simple gesture would initiate his thoughts back to what we had. By the look on his face it was working. His expression told it all to me and I decided to leave him to think while I got us some plates from the kitchen. “For crying out loud, who eats Polish Sausage with plates.” I heard him say but kept on my mission. There were two reasons. One was that there needed to be a diversion from what had happened between us and secondly this was my new apartment, to drop anything on the floor so early just didn’t sit right. Little did I know that my world would suddenly be put into turmoil. The phone call from Skinner saying John had been shot and then going back to the living room seeing him gone just struck a disparate chord right from the start. All seemed surreal. When I got to the hospital and saw him lying there when not long ago I had seen him healthy and happy just didn’t ring true. I know what I saw and experienced. How could this have been happening? Tears came to my eyes and my heart was heavy hearing that he may never be able to walk again, never be able to breathe without a ventilator. That was not my John. He could never survive being locked inside an unresponsive body. I just couldn’t focus on reality at that time. This didn’t make sense and I was determined to find out why. In the meantime this John had asked to talk to, and be with me alone, so I would be there for him no matter what. I only wanted to be by his side, by the bedside of the man I loved. …………….. After we had been talking and making some sense of the nonsense he dropped a bombshell. We had discussed a possible alternate reality where he had crossed over and my Doggett had been forced out. John had been surprisingly accepting of my theories and knew he had also experienced inconsistencies. I had seen him in my apartment moments before I got a message saying he had been just shot fourteen miles away and he had seen me dead from a lethal cut to the throat. Both John and myself knew we didn’t see things and that we had been forced into our own X-File. It was an extremely emotional time when we’d had the conversation about if I pulled the plug then my Doggett would come back. For John to say that, for him to really believe all this nonsense must have meant he knew he wasn’t hallucinating and that in an illogical way it made sense. My first thoughts were to decline when he asked me to pull the plug on him but I changed my mind. Apart from all we had been through it was after two events that I extremely apprehensively reversed my decision. When the sick murderer Lukesh and myself had had the confrontation in the Police department, he had confirmed my theories that there was indeed an alternate reality. When later he had been in my apartment with his knife to my throat I knew it for sure. There was 99.9 surety that what I was hearing was the way things were. The decision was a painful, excruciating one but I really believed my John would come back from the possible limbo he was in or I wouldn’t have done it no matter how John pleaded. If it were all reality then I would have spent a lifetime with him, looking after him, loving him and making him comfortable. I didn’t know how or when, that I would just have to deal with as it arose. I loved John so much I just knew that on the very slight chance I was wrong, if it didn’t work then I would live with the circumstances. Life without my man would be no life at all. Waiting until late at night when the sparse night duty staff was rostered on I calmly walked to John’s room without being noticed. Even if I was seen they knew me by then as John’s partner and comforter, accepting my presence at any hour. All the way to his room I was convinced it would work but when I saw him there it brought tears to my eyes. Seeing him almost a shell of his former self made it easier to do. Taking his warm hand one last time I calmly looked over to him and knew this was what he also deemed to be right. With the other hand I slowly switched off the machine and waited. I was surprisingly calm, putting all doubt out of my mind, almost willing it to be true. Not knowing what would transpire next I was surprised that when I opened my eyes the scene had changed back to my kitchen. “Monica, forget the plates will you.” The sight of him walking towards me filled me with a flood of relief and love. It would have shown all over my face. Only later did I realize how strange it would have been for John. One moment I had been getting plates the next I was in tears and hugging him. “What’s wrong?” he accepted my hug not knowing I was welcoming him back to the right reality. “I’m good, good,” I sobbed over his shoulder. …………….. After 4-D “Monica, you’re freaking me out here. Tell me what all this is about.” He still held me but I could tell he wanted to pull apart and to look into my eyes for answers. I wanted to hold him longer, to feel that it was really him. I wanted to confirm his warmth, to drink in his scent and to fall into his embrace. When the tears had cleared a little I slowly let go and then really looked at him, checking that it was the John I knew and loved. The situation would need to be conveyed to him. After all, everyone in this reality thought he had been shot, or had they? By being back in my kitchen at the moment I assumed was just before Skinner’s phone call, would that mean that I had been thrown back in time? If so, then the events of the other Doggett coming over into this reality just didn’t occur, and that this Doggett hadn’t been thrown into some sort of limbo after all. Perhaps because of the changed events the Doggett and Reyes in the other reality were all right and unharmed. At best conceivably there was no longer that time-line in existence. Would Scully, Skinner and Follmer remember the recent events of the past day when it may not really have occurred? Why then would I remember if they didn’t? It was too much to grasp all the temporal mechanics of the situation when what was the most important part was standing right in front of me. How much to explain to him was a dilemma. If I had indeed been thrown back to just after John had come to my apartment and no one knew what had transpired then all I needed to do was make up something about being so happy about moving into the apartment at last and perhaps something about thanking him for helping me and being there for me. “Monica, talk to me. What brought all this on?” He still had his hands on my arms as he spoke, looking concerned. With every passing moment I became more and more sure that I should remain silent about what had occurred in the past day. For starters he would think I was crazy and just wouldn’t believe it, he would need some proof. There would only be my word for it. There was probably no way it could all be validated. For the others involved in the scenes and at the hospital, it wouldn’t have occurred for them so they wouldn’t be able to back up my statements. Lukesh was dead, or maybe he wasn’t seeing I jumped back in time. I could always check out apartment 4-D but I didn’t know where it was and there would probably no one in this reality who knew where it was either. In the meantime I should stay quiet. “Monica?” Also to tell John that I pulled the plug on the other Doggett because I was sure my Doggett would come back might just freak him out further and to what avail? I just couldn’t admit it to him and anyway, did he need to know? That line of reasoning brought me back to why I remembered all the events if they didn’t happen? To me it did happen, the events were in my memory, I had experienced them. Perhaps it was because I experienced them first hand and had worked out the theory behind it all. Possibly it was because I was the one thrown back in time by my actions. What if these memories of mine faded in time? If I told this Doggett then it was a good chance that he would be the only one in this universe who would know what had happened. He would probably be compelled to look into it further possibly putting him in the same or similar danger of the other reality. That I could not go through again. Only in a few moments was my mind made up. As hard as it would be not just to pour my soul out to him, to someone, I would remain quiet. “This is all just too much John. Sorry to be so emotional.” “Talk to me.” “It’s nothing really.” Even though all I wanted to do was hold him and to spill my heart out to him, I refrained. “Moving to DC, being on the X-Files with you, finding and moving into this apartment, it all just caught up with me I guess.” He could probably tell there was more on my mind; I could see it in his eyes. “You sure?” His hands lightly caressed my arms. It felt so good that I wanted it to continue. “I’m sure,” I said my eyes diverting slightly from his. The subject needed to be changed and quickly. “Want to help me unpack?” “How about you have a lie down and I will unpack some things for you.” There was concern in his face so I decided to accept his offer. “Help me make up the bed?” It probably hadn’t occurred to him that the movers had just left therefore the bed was probably bare. “Alright,” he said a little tentatively but I turned, still a little teary, and indicated for him to follow. …………………. “Satin, that’s a little extravagant,” John declared as he tucked in the lower sheet into the mattress. “I like the texture and it’s cool getting into bed on hot nights.” I picked up the pillowcases and started covering them. “Yes, I can see you in satin.” He threw the top sheet over the bed. He was almost back to his carefree self, the John who had walked through the door with his house-warming gift. After all he hadn't been through the heart-wrenching ordeal I had. “You can?” I smiled wondering just what image he had and whether I was clothed or unclothed. “Help me with this?” I gave him one end of the woollen blanket and together we threw it over the sheets. As I went to turn down the bed I tripped on one of my shoelaces and before I knew it I was losing my balance. Instead of just falling on the bed I tried to grab onto something to steady myself and it happened to be John’s arm. Before we knew it I was on the bed and he was on top of me face to face. For a brief moment we shared a look and I just knew he cared for me as much as I cared for him but something was holding him back. Was it our working relationship? I had to know. “Sorry Mon.” He went to get up but I pulled him back and he lay next to me on his side waiting for me to talk. “I’ve been thinking.” My hand trailed down his arm then manoeuvred it around my back. Moving closer I held him and he accepted our closeness knowing I needed to confide in him. “I thought so. Care to tell me? Is it about me?” His face was expectant but a little concerned. “John, you know I care for you deeply. You are much more than a friend to me.” I’d wanted to tell him for a while but there hadn’t been the right time. Since moving the DC he had been rather cool to me and I’d often wondered if he had fallen for someone else or just didn’t feel the same way about me any more. “I can hear a ‘but’ coming along.” I just looked at him gazing back at me. There was apprehension there that I wanted to quell. Oh how I had wanted to be this close to him on many occasions but he had given me one of those exasperated looks or just kept walking when I had called. Did he know how much that hurt me? I had to accept him as he was but sometimes I wished he would get rid of the baggage and just say he loved me back. This was the moment to tell him but I wanted it to last longer, to really talk to him rather than just discuss our cases. His hand still rested on my back so that was a good sign. My hand trailed lightly up and down his spine under his jacket. “Can I ask you a question?” I asked, amused at his puzzled reaction. “What Monica?” He looked into my eyes more deeply. “If I was ever on life support with minimal chance for recovery and I asked you to pull the plug, would you?” “What brought all this on?” His head moved back a little as if to get a better view of my face. He sported one of his curious looks. “Just curious, I’ve just been thinking.” I thought at least this way if on the off chance Brad and the others also remembered the other Doggett, it would prepare him for at least listening to my reasoning why. “No, no way would I pull the plug,” I suppose I knew what his response would be and how adamant. Even if our roles were reversed I could not see him fully believing and therefore I would be the one lying there paralysed possibly for life. “As long as you had a slim chance at recovery I could never do that to you. Monica why?” “I told you I was just curious, must have been a dream I had.” I wanted to tell him, just to be honest but there were some things best left unsaid for everyone’s protection. “It’s more than that,” he simply said with his whispery voice. The detective and good friend came out in him. “I want to know why you said this Monica, why have you been thinking this way?” It would either turn him away or bring him closer but it needed to be said for my sake. He was here with me after ending the possibly eternity in limbo, whatever limbo was. I couldn’t bear to live without him, without him knowing how I felt about him. I waited what seemed slow motion minutes checking I had his full attention. My hand stood still on his back and I looked squarely into his eyes. He had no recourse but to wait. “John, I love you.” There was silence that lasted an eternity as I read his face. There was surprise mixed with knowing. Perhaps he didn’t expect me to say it so soon but he knew, he had understood for a long time. “Monica, I…,” he hesitated not knowing how to respond. I brought my hand from his back and rested a finger on his lips. “You don’t have to say it back, I understand.” The next minutes we stayed there just thinking. John probably had a million and one things on his mind; I had but one and that was the man before me. “I...I have to go.” He moved his hand away from me slowly. Taking it away swiftly could have been rejection but this relaxed tempo was letting me go gently. No more words were spoken as I just watched him leave the room. Lying on my back sighing and staring at the ceiling, I heard the front door close. Even though I felt a little disappointed at his reaction I hadn’t expected him to vocalize his feelings for me either. He still wasn’t ready. I had planted a seed that would in time grow. It would require nurturing but I would be there to provide patient sustenance. I closed my eyes still remembering the ordeal of the past day but this time, instead of despairing over the other Doggett, I was comfortable in the fact I had my Doggett back. …………….. After John Doe When John had been missing for well over a week it brought back all the emotions I had experienced through the Lukesh ordeal. I thought my memories would fade but all those experiences were too real to me. It was like riding in a time machine. I was the only one who had ridden back so I was the only one who had remembered. I had quietly looked into the Lukesh case since no one else held the same memories as I. There was nothing, no record of him or his mother anywhere in DC, which left me wondering if it all had been one big dream. It had also got me thinking whether I had crossed into another reality, the one where all had gone on peacefully, and where Lukesh had never existed. One day I would confess all this to John but first he needed to be found. My stomach was in knots just thinking of the possibilities. If he was still alive then how badly was he hurt for him not to call? John was the most important part of my life; to lose him would be a hurt that would be impossible to bear. I had almost lost him once; my determinism to find him was my driving force. This was my partner, my good friend and the man I loved. When I first found him in Mexico in that shed all bruised and vulnerable my heart only had moments to go out for him. We were put in an ordeal that could either end our lives or land us in a distasteful Mexican prison indefinitely. I knew that A.D. Skinner was trying to organise a rescue party, but without the sanctions of Kersh and the FBI it would be difficult. I had left him to find John on my own after we found out where he could possibly be. We got out of the ordeal by the skin of our teeth, Skinner and the troops arriving just as the Mexican police were onto us. It was a huge relief finding him but it pained me to see him this way, all battered, abused, and all those lost memories. What had he gone through in the past two weeks that had caused him this suffering? Whatever it was I would be there for him, to see it through to the other end. “John, I’m sorry about Luke, about you having to relive that.” He leant back on the police car after the whole ordeal not looking happy but showing some relief mixed with a whole lot of satisfaction that he had pulled through this and won. “I’ll take the bad as long as I can remember the good.” When he said this I wondered if he had remembered the time not long before that I’d admitted my love for him. Understandably he had been a little uncomfortable with me for the next few days but I went along as though nothing had changed and he soon began to ease up. Did he remember as we waited until the all clear to make our next move? “John, we need to take you to a hospital, get you checked out.” I had to let him know the obvious. “I’m not spending one moment longer here than I need to.” He looked up to me with determined eyes. “Then at least let me take you back. I have some fresh clothes in my car.” He silently nodded. Skinner soon came out giving the all clear that we could leave and that all would be taken care of the Mexico end. He also let me take John back on the proviso that he checked into the hospital to look into his injuries and memory loss. He washed up and changed clothes at the hotel he had been staying. After squaring with reception we headed back home. Most of the way John was silent or he slept. Perhaps he was reliving the past weeks or even trying to remember what had gone on in his past. I was eager to find out and to support him but he would let me know when he was ready. Looking into his still swollen and cut face I admired him more so than ever. His strength of character, his determinism, his willingness to survive were all admirable traits that I knew he had but through this ordeal they all came to the fore together. I wanted to hold him, to let him cry on my shoulder and to open up to me. What memories did he hold? I knew he had eventually remembered me but what about my professed love for him? Back in DC I checked John into the Washington Memorial. The doctors told me to come back in a couple of hours. I wanted to stay but John rested a hand on my arm and with that look of his assured me he would be all right without me for the time being. Reluctantly I went home, showered and changed, had a small snack and then went back to find him sitting up in bed reading a magazine. “What’s that?” He looked up to see me walking over to his bed. “Just something one of the nurses thought I would like.” He was smiling for the first time since Mexico and that was a good sign. “Since when did you like reading motor bike magazines?” I quipped. He just grinned again and placed the magazine on the bedside table. I went to pull up a chair but he patted the bed. He must have remembered more about our relationship to do that. I wondered how much. For a few moments he just looked at me and I wondered what he was thinking. “Thank you,” he said simply, taking my hand and feeling over my knuckles with his thumb. The wonderful sensation brought me back to reality. We were once again together after weeks apart and I knew he was grateful that I had pursued him. Eventually he would have remembered who he was and tried to escape Mexico himself but the dangers would have been great and he may not have made it. “John, you’re my partner. You would do the same for me.” He just nodded not making it clear how much he remembered. “So what’s the diagnosis?” “They couldn’t make out how I had lost my memories and were puzzled by my lobotomy scars.” He pulled back his hair and showed me the cuts that were healing. “I am physically all right but they said I needed bed rest. They want me to stay overnight for observation and I can go home in the morning.” “So have all your memories returned?” I had to ask. “Pretty much.” What was I to say next? The sound at the door made me turn. “Agent Reyes?” It was a nurse. “Yes?” “Assistant Director Skinner is on the phone. You can take it out here.” “Thank you, I’ll be right there.” I turned back to John who was again smiling at me. “I’ll be right back, don’t go away.” The grin on his made me smile in return and I went to give him a comforting kiss on the forehead. As I leant in, his mouth moved to mine and we brushed lips. We gave each other a small kiss and then I broke apart. I must have had a surprised look on my face because John looked a little puzzled. Had he remembered more than had actually happened between us or was this another way of saying thank you? I would hopefully find out when I looked after him until he was ready to return to work. ……………….. Before Audrey Pauley As partners we had solved a few cases together by this time and Assistant Director Skinner was pleased. One Friday afternoon he had called us into his office to praise us personally. It wasn’t often in my experience that I’d be praised as such; my success had usually been expected. It got me wondering if there was some extra motive for the commendation. I suppose he had been referring to the fact that The X-Files had been closed down in the past and it could be in the future. With successes such as these our positions would remain secure. He had suggested we have a relaxing weekend and promised not to disturb us with a call. I sensed he knew that our attachment was more than just coworkers; perhaps he was trying to tell us to get some lives outside our jobs. We went out for a beer at a local hotel and talked for ages about our cases, about Luke, his ex-wife and anything that I could tease out of him. When he asked about my life I steered the conversation back to him. I wanted to hear him talk. The sound of his mesmeric voice on my eardrums and being able to just look into his eyes as he spoke relaxed me more than the single beer I nursed all evening. It gave me a chance to just feel his presence, to experience him near me without the constant energy he put into his work. Throughout the couple of hours we talked I felt that renewed love for him surfacing. Part of me was attracted to the physical features of this lean, athletic man but I was more in love with his inner self. I could see into his soul and knew more about him than any woman would, maybe even his ex-wife. He presented that rough, no nonsense, by the book exterior to the world but deep down he was sensitive, loving, vulnerable and needed his own kind of fostering. I could give that to him and more if he would only let me. That night I had wanted him to really kiss me. Not just the fleeting kiss after the Mexico ordeal, that was not the right timing, but a deep, emotional, binding embrace that would give permission to hold him close again, to feel his hard body near mine and to share in his karma. The setting wasn’t the important part, just the sharing of love that we both had for each other. I wanted the kind of kiss that would lead further and into the bedroom; perhaps not that same night. I really wasn’t one to rush into relationships when I wanted them to last. My feelings for John were all encompassing, they were raw, deep, nurturing but still patient considering his painful past. It was dark out as I pulled the car up outside his place afterwards. His truck was in the shop for repairs so I had picked him up in the morning for work. My stomach knotted as I took off my seatbelt and said the only obvious opening line. “Thanks for the beer.” The tranquil face looking at me from the passenger seat reminded me of the time just before our alternate universe ordeal a short time ago and I briefly had the flash of an image of a hospital room with someone lying in bed. The picture disturbed me only for a moment because I saw a body with no face; I heard the faint bleep of machinery. I tried not to show this concern to John and put it out of my mind as just a ghost of the past. I smiled across to him, trying to show without words what a pleasure it was to be in his company. This smile of mine came from the heart and the look I received in return was very promising. His expression I didn’t often see in our line of work but when I did it lightened my heart. “Thanks for the lift.” He made no immediate move to get out of the car. “So you have any big plans for the weekend?” It was another plain question to prolong the moment. “Oh huge, microwave pizza, satellite TV.” My comforting heart immediately went out for him. He didn’t really want to give away that he was lonely but I saw a big house for one and a weekend with little company. He had his friends but my further friendship and company was what he really needed. I could not help but smile wider to compensate for my thoughts of wanting him. “Wow, thanks for making my life sound so exciting.” There was an awkward silence when I knew what was going through his mind. My sixth sense told me he was looking past skin deep and to what it would be like to be even closer to me. I had seen that expression before with Brad. At that moment I knew he wanted to go further but was still holding back. I broke the silence by continuing my thoughts, “Maybe we both need pets. They say people with pets live longer.” “I was thinking I might get a cat.” He said that rather quickly. Had he really considered the option? If so it was certainly out of the blue and to me not quite the right decision. “There’s dog people and there’s cat people. You are a dog person John.” The look on his face was priceless. “How do you figure?” I laughed a little nervously thinking about what I was finally going to say from the heart but answered immediately. “Well you’re faithful, you’re dependable, you’re without guile, you’re very comfortable to be around.” The returned look was confusing. The mixed signals he was giving me showed a tug-of-war going on inside his mind. This was one war I wanted to win. “So why a cat?” “Low maintenance. They don’t expect much from you so you can’t disappoint them.” My heartstrings went out to him at that statement. How could he ever think he would disappoint anyone let alone me? He was hard working and endeavored for positive results at all times. “I don’t see you disappointing anyone John.” It was one of those moments that screamed for a mutual kiss. This was the perfect opportunity for him to reach in and just do it. I could feel his soft lips on mine, experience the sensation if his fingers raking through my hair and drawing me deeper into his magic. I wanted it so badly that my body ached for him but I wanted him to be the one to demonstrate his intentions. Even in hindsight I was glad I was not the one to initiate the contact. He was just not ready to take the next step just then. “See you Monday?” That was all he could think of to say? If it had been, ‘Wanna come inside?’ then our lives from then on would have gone a different course. Maybe they did, but in another reality. “Yeah, see ya.” Another opportunity was lost but I felt a little assured that he knew then that I had a desire for him that went past just coworkers, further than the holding of bodies in times of stress and the brief kiss given on one vulnerable afternoon. As I pulled away from outside his house, a little frustrated, I reassured myself that he would come around eventually. I knew he could love me as much as I loved him. In the meantime I would just wait. “John, John, John!” Just then that puzzling vision came back to mind, the one in a hospital bed and I knew it wasn’t John. The face in the bed became all too clear just as there was a loud bang from the side and my world fell all around me. ………………. After Audrey Pauley It was after my near death experience and when I had been discharged from the hospital that John hit the bombshell and told me that he loved me. Dana had already filled me in on what had happened while I was in limbo. John had been a mess worrying about me, and his possible loss of a partner and good friend. She had also told me how he somehow knew I hadn’t gone and how he had persevered to prove the doctors and her wrong. It had all been something to do with a patient aid called Audrey who had been killed by the doctor attending to me. I just had to find out more. When John asked me to his place before taking me home I accepted even though I missed being at my apartment. The previous three days since I had regained consciousness were tedious. I felt fine but the medical staff insisted that they do tests. Other times it was suggested I rest. In between the medical visits I had the police calling in and asking me questions about my experiences with Dr. Preijers. Dana told me they had already talked to her and John on numerous occasions. It seemed as though they wanted to look into the deal with the organ donations and the possible scandal that could occur if any of the questionable dealings became public knowledge. John visited me often throughout those days but seemed more concerned with my well being than anything deeper. Every time he walked through the door whether it was announced or spontaneous my spirits rose. He was the love of my life and I hoped he felt the same way too. Just holding my hand or touching my face or feeling my hair indicated to me that he cared for me more than he could say with words. The fact that he couldn’t articulate the lines I wanted to hear was understandable but I knew he did love me and he would indicate his feelings eventually. When he asked me back to his place for a meal I wondered whether it would be microwaved. Looking at the plate in front of me and knowing that it was made by him caused me to look up and smile. “Steak?” “Better than that hospital food they give you.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him I wasn’t very hungry so I ate it anyway. During the meal he spoke about the latest case, nothing about his feelings for me. I wondered what he was saving for dessert. There was more in his intentions than just feeding me. I could tell all during dinner that there was something bothering him. If he didn’t bring it up soon then I would ask him. We took our fruit salad and ice cream to the living room. It was the right setting for him to talk or I would bring it up. When we had finished eating he moved up closer and took my hand in his. “What was it like?” “Being in Audrey’s hospital? Do you really believe that?” I didn’t need to ask the question, I could see it in his eyes. He had seen a lot since starting on the X-Files. Although he didn’t believe everything told to him he did have some understanding of events he knew to have occurred. The fact that Audrey knew what she did and had explained that she visited me in her hospital was puzzling to him but he believed it to a degree. “If you say it’s so then I believe it.” “It was puzzling. Not for one moment did I think I was dead but the investigator in me just had to find a way out.” He squeezed my hand a little tighter and the look on his face told me he was grateful that I was alive. “How did it all end?” His hand went to my face and his fingers brushed my hair back. When his thumb grazed my cheek and his face softened I could tell what was happening between us. “I had to jump into nothing. I trusted Audrey so I knew it was the right thing to do.” There was a moment we just looked at each other before he moved even closer. He had kissed me after the Mexico ordeal but it was brief and unexpected. I could tell this one would be long and meaningful. Without any more words we moved towards each other. My hand lay gently on his arm as his hand moved to my back. I had imagined kissing him so many times but it did not prepare me enough for the real thing. His lips were soft and warm and his embrace derived a comfort I had not anticipated. The kiss was light at first, both of us experimenting with our pleasure. The way his hand moved on my back and his breathing on my cheek added to the elevated bliss of the event. I found myself sighing into his mouth as he pulled me even closer. We both parted our lips to probe more intensely and I felt the blood rush to my neck from the sheer satisfaction. This was my type of heaven. John moved me backwards to lie on the couch and he lingered above me. He lightly lay on top cocooning me in his own secure world and continued the enjoyment. The light from the single lamp reflected from his smiling face as he broke the kiss for an instant. “I do love you Monica.” Audrey had told me that John had said he loved me but until I heard it from his own lips I couldn’t believe he had finally admitted it. We kissed deeply after that and I felt him grow between us. “I have never forgotten you saying you love me too.” He didn’t give me a chance to talk but who needed words when we could express our shared love through a mutually exceptional embrace. “Make love to me Monica.” It was those words that made me come to my senses. As much as both our bodies wanted to go further, we were on fire together; it was just not the right time. How could I tell him without putting a dampener on what had just occurred between us? “Just hold me for now John?” The look he gave me was a mixture of disappointment and understanding. I didn’t need to tell him that I had recently been released from hospital and sleeping together so soon would be a little rushed. What I really wanted to do was go home and sleep in my own bed. He was let down but in time he would understand why I had decided against sleeping together just yet. Seeing his disappointment as I turned to go into my apartment after asking him to drive me home was heart breaking but I knew I had made the right decision. When we finally made love it would be special and profound and a decision not made on a whim or after a life-threatening event. He would understand that and forgive me for not accepting his offer. We had waited this long. Our shared love was still unfolding. We would take the next step when the right timing showed itself and that would be soon. ………….. During Release It broke my heart to go through all the pain again of remembering Luke’s death. Seeing John’s torment made me relive what had happened all those years ago. I wanted it all to just go away but seeing him so determined to find anything, any evidence that would put Regali away, made me want to help him more. As the day wore on it was all too clear that unless there was a miracle, the hard evidence was just not forthcoming; the event had occurred just too far in the past. Also Regali was acting all too confidently as though he had covered up any confirmation of guilt that pointed to him. John was clasping at straws when it came to what he thought was evidence. One person saying so didn’t make it true. Rudolph Hayes’ talent was amazing but none of what he was saying would hold up in a court of law. Throughout the day I found myself saying that often to bring John back down to earth. His pained expression each time hurt me to the core but I didn’t want him thinking that hearsay would be admissible in court and him remaining disappointed and frustrated. After we had first confronted Regali in the bar I suggested I make dinner for us both. I didn’t want to leave him by himself for the night and hoped he would ask me to stay. If he didn’t ask then I would have suggested it. After dinner we sat watching television but not really watching, just thinking. “I don’t get it,” he spoke out. “Get what John?” “How he knows half the things he does.” I rested my hand on his and slightly turned to meet his gaze. “I suppose that he’s coming at things from a different angle. There’s nothing to cloud his judgement.” I immediately knew he meant Rudolph Hayes the FBI recruit. John and myself were becoming more in tune with each other with every passing day. “He said the photos of the unexplained deaths speak to him?” “Do you get that? Explain to me how that would work.” “Well I don’t really know but maybe after looking at all the evidence he sits quietly with no distractions and all the facts just falls into place for him. He has a talent for piecing together the jigsaw.” I could see him thinking and agreeing with me. He also was becoming very tired and he needed all the sleep he could get to be able to survive this trying time. ‘Come on, I’ll take you up to bed.” He looked at me with wide eyes and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Standing I reached out a hand to him which he took. His hand felt good in mine, a natural fit. I walked him up the stairs and into his bedroom. There he took me in his arms and gave me a hug, one that said thank you for being there for him. “Do you want me to go?” I said into his shoulder, taking in his scent. “Monica, I …” he hesitated and I interrupted knowing that he thought I wanted to sleep with him. I did but this was not the right time. It would be taking advantage of his vulnerability and that was not what I wanted from the first time. It had to be special, something natural and logical. The event I’d played over and over in my mind since the early days. “It’s all right. I’ll make my way home.” I broke free from his grasp and headed to the door a little disappointed but this was not about me and my feelings. “Monica, I didn’t mean…” He caught up to me and with his hand on my arm stopping me from leaving. I spun around and saw the puppy dog look he had in his eyes. “I know. I just want to be here for you John. I don’t think you should be alone tonight.” He didn’t say a word, wanting me to tell him my intentions. “I’ll stay in the other room.” He gave a slow nod that told me he really wanted me to sleep with him too. All I wanted to do then was to throw him on the bed and give him what I had played over in my mind so often. It wouldn’t have been right though. We both would feel awkward in the morning. That’s not how I wanted our first time to feel. John moved over to his dresser and got out one of his T-shirts. “Here, you’ll need something to wear.” I smiled at the thought of wearing something of his. The feel of the material on my bare skin knowing it had been next to his made it hard for me have to repress my emotions as he stared at me. “Thank you John. Now go get some sleep. I’ll be here if you want me.” He kept looking at me as I left his room. I turned to give him one last caring smile. …………………. I could have slept like a baby but I kept thinking of John in his bed and wishing that circumstances were different and I was lying next to him. Looking over at the clock it showed three in the morning. Curiosity got the better of me. I wouldn’t be able to sleep well enough unless I checked on my partner. The air was a little chilly as I made my way to his room. The door was half open so I slipped inside without too much noise and tiptoed to his bedside. The bed sheets were ruffled showing he’d probably had a restless sleep. In the dim light I could make out his face. What should have been calm and line free instead looked worried. Sitting gently on the bed he stirred but didn’t wake. With a single finger I brushed over his forehead, over the lines trying to smooth them and take away some of his discomfort. A low rumble came from his throat as I traced between his eyebrows and down his nose. He was a good-looking man even in his sleep. I couldn’t help but admire his features as I brushed fingers over his jaw and chin. As his mouth opened I ran a single finger over each lip. That was when he woke. He immediately smiled on seeing me, which gladdened my heart. “Why are you here?” His voice was rough and quiet. “I just wanted to see how you were sleeping.” It was hard not to just broadly smile and give away my real feelings towards this man. With a smile on his face he lifted the covers to urge me underneath. It was so warm and inviting to be between his sheets and next to his body. “Come here.” He placed a hand around my back to draw me closer. All he was wearing were boxers and all I wore were my bikini panties and his T-shirt. Our bodies were so close as we hugged each other deeply. My hand went to his warm back and immediately began feeling over the flexing muscles. This was half an attempt to comfort him but also it was the first time I had felt this part of him. “Oh John.” The words just slipped from my mouth as I was becoming aroused from being so close to him. I had imagined being in his arms in bed but this was so much better in real life. His chest rose and fell on mine as we just held each other and hands explored gently for the first time. Soon his hands were underneath the T-shirt and on my bare back. When they began their slow journey over each pore my heart started racing and my hot breath grazed his skin. No words were needed as he lifted the clothing off my body. I lay facing him, leaning on one elbow as he surveyed my bare upper torso and I knew he liked what he saw. Taking one of his hands I placed it on one breast permitting him to feel me. As his hands massaged one, then the other my head fell back, the hair tickling the bare skin. He would have felt my heart thumping wildly and knew the level of my pleasure at his touch. When his hand left my breasts and ran over my abdomen I glanced back at him. He was looking and smiling where his hand was travelling. “I had no idea...,” he whispered. I knew perfectly well what he meant and was flattered at his admission to admiring my body. His fingers fell short of my panties and I knew it would have not been natural to go further just yet. They traced over my hipbone and around to the small of my back. Pulling me nearer until our faces were close, he looked at my lips and I knew his intentions. He rolled to lean over me and gazed into my eyes before moving down for the kiss. For minutes we just touched lips. We wanted this to go slowly. We had waited this long, the experience must be one that would be savored. His lips brushed mine and gave me small kisses that I returned. I took his lead; he seemed to know what he was doing. When his tongue ran over my lower lip my mouth opened and he was on me. My body was his during that kiss. It was the most pleasurable I had ever experienced. The room was dark, the night quiet, all I could hear was our elevated breathing and our pleasuring each other with our bodies close. A contented rumble came from my throat as John deepened the kiss pressing my head into the pillow. His tongue roamed my mouth and found mine. His tongue was as sweet and tender as his lips. Slowly he rolled me over to be on top, never once breaking the kiss. I lay on top of him and rested my elbows near his shoulders. It was my turn to lead and he let me have my way with his mouth and body. I was aching to go further but deep down knew this wasn’t quite right, not then. I ran kisses over his forehead and down his nose, back to his parted lips. His hands made their way over my back and down to my butt. As his fingers put pressure on my skin I knew he wanted to go further. When his fingers went under the rim of my bikini underwear it brought me out of dreamland. “John…” That was all I needed to say for him to stop. Just gazing into his eyes told him my thoughts. “When this is all over, I promise.” He looked a little disappointed at first but then his face softened and I knew he understood and respected my decision. In my heart I knew it was only a short matter of time before we went the whole way and made love for the very first time. It would be a wonderful and memorable occasion full of love and unforgettable enjoyment. I smiled as I lay there knowing I had succeeded in taking John’s mind off this trying time even just for a short while. We lay together in each other’s comforting arms until morning light. After Release The hug of John’s after he had released Luke’s ashes into the sea, was deep and full of thanks for me being there for him. He had asked me to drive him to the seaside where he was to meet his ex-wife Barbara. I wasn’t sure if it was my place to be there at such a personal family time but he insisted saying I had been with him from the start and I had deserved a place by his side. He had wrapped his arms around me and squeezed as though he hadn’t seen me for so long and really missed me. Perhaps the intensity of the hug was making up for lost time, apologizing for keeping all the hurt inside for so long and in so doing shutting me out. Even though he had experienced release with the solving of Luke’s murder and the death of the killer there were still scars to heal that would take time. When he finally broke the hug he had looked into my eyes for such a long time, maybe looking at me through different eyes now that his life would be heading in a new direction. “John?” I wanted him to say what the next step was. “Thank you for everything.” Just giving him a small smile I cued him to continue. “I don’t know why you’re still hanging around me. I don’t deserve you Monica.” “Don’t say that John. I’ve already told you I like your company. I’ve told you with words and now my body.” I wanted him to remember the previous night lying near naked together in his bed. There was the hint of a smile through the sadness he still felt after finally releasing his son’s ashes. I opened the car passenger door for him and made my way to the driver’s side. On the way back to Falls Church it was quiet as he was clearly churning over all the events that led up to the knowledge of his son’s killer. Before long we were in the same position as a month back, sitting outside his house wanting him to make a move on me. Even though I had waited to sleep with him for so long I still had to wait for his move. “Wanna come in? I think I might have microwave pizza in the freezer.” He smiled, the first real one for the day. “Anything good on satellite TV?” I returned the smile wondering if he also remembered the conversation that night in the car just before my accident. “You can look up the TV guide while I put my chef’s hat on.” It was good to see him smiling again. I knew it would be a while for the scars to heal but the thought of more of those smiles was a pleasant one. Putting the car into reverse I backed up and pulled into John’s driveway to park. Once the car was locked we headed to his front door and I could not help but wonder where all this would lead. My love for John had lasted years and I knew he loved me too. He told me a number of weeks ago after I had recovered from my accident. After the previous night sleeping in his arms I knew that he meant every word. ……………….. “I can’t believe what Brad did.” I took a bite of pizza and then went for my red wine glass. Some rerun of a classic movie played out on the television but my mind was elsewhere. “What happens to him now?” John also took a sip of his wine before he spoke. “At worst he should go to prison for what he did even though he shot a killer who didn’t deserve mercy.” John finished off the last bite of his pizza. “And at best?” “Your guess is as good as mine but he will certainly be dismissed from the FBI for taking bribes. He’ll have to answer to that.” He gets up and takes the finished dishes to the kitchen. I nursed my wine glass until he returned. “So John, were you really going to kill Regali?” I had to ask. If it was true then Brad did John and me a huge favor. “I was going to stop him from walking away no matter what. I wanted him to come clean and really admit his guilt instead of hypothetically.” “He would never do that so there would not be any hard evidence. He wanted to torment you more John. So would you have killed him if Brad wasn’t there?” “I thought about it but I couldn’t have gone through with it, not when he was unarmed. I might have shot him in the leg to stop him getting away again.” I was a little relieved to hear him say that. I couldn’t see John being angry enough just to kill someone in cold blood. He sat quietly for a while just staring at the television, other thoughts going through his mind. I let him ponder. His face went pensive for a moment and I knew he was thinking about Luke and how he had died. After a few moments his face changed and he looked up at me. “I’m a little stiff.” He moved his shoulders and used his fingers to knead his neck. “It must have been the way I slept last night.” “Come here, let me do that. Turn around.” I moved up to kneel behind him and began massaging his shoulders. He was smiling; I could just feel the vibrations in his body. Was he really stiff or was this just a pick-up line? “Ooh, that feels good. You’ve done this before.” ‘Flattery will get you everywhere.” I worked on his shoulders and down his arms as he cooed appreciation. “It’s been a while but I was told I give good massages.” “I can see why.” A low rumble came from his throat as I worked my way over his shoulder blades through his T-shirt. “Come on, let’s do this right.” He turned to me with a smile on his face and I knew exactly what he was thinking. “Do you have any oil?” “I’m sure I have something in the bathroom upstairs.” That was said a little too quickly letting me know he was all for a body massage. “So is anything else stiff?” Just as I said it I realized the double meaning and shut my mouth quickly as he turned to me with a lop-sided smile. “It could be. I’ll let you find it.” That was a true come on if I had ever heard one. “John Doggett! I offered you a massage not a hand job.” If he was cheeky I could be too. “Then massage it is.” He got off the couch and held his hand out for mine. For the second time in two nights I was following him up the stairs to his bedroom. This time I knew that if he wanted to make love then we were both truly ready. ………………….. “How do you want me?” He stood there, arms outstretched and I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to be swept away by him. I played with the massage oil bottle in my hand. “You’ll need to let me get to those stiff muscles so you’ll need to expose some bare skin.” I waited to see what he did next. He lifted his T-shirt over his head and I watched him as he slowly undressed right down to his briefs. As he flipped off his shoes and then peeled off his socks I sat on the bed just watching his lean, firm body. I had seen him this undressed in the past but never before knowing that I was ready as I ever would be to have first time sex with him. “Back first?” he questioned before kneeling on the bed and then lying on his chest. I took off my socks and shoes as he got comfortable on the bed and then straddled him, lightly sitting on his thighs. With some oil in one palm I rubbed by hands together and then started at his shoulders. As I kneaded and pummelled his stiff muscles I looked over his well-toned body. He was giving me permission to feel it and it felt good to the touch. I moved down his back using my thumbs on a path along his spine. He let out a sigh as I used flat hands on his ribs. With more oil I moved down to his legs where I manipulated his calves with pinches alternating with long strokes. “That feel better?” I asked. “Hmmmm,.” was all he could say. After I did his feet it was time to roll over. As he turned it was a chance for me to remove some of my restrictive clothing. It was just a natural act to take off my jeans and top leaving me in my underwear. His eyes didn’t leave my body and I smiled inside as I once again straddled him. My hands, oiled again, rubbed over his chest in slow circles. The way I was sitting over him I could feel him getting more aroused with each movement of my hands and my body above his. I pretended not to notice but deliberately moved my hips a little more, enjoying making him hot for me. His eyes closed as I sat more heavily on his hips feeling his desire between my legs. “Monica.” His voice was breathy and I knew why. “What John?” I oiled his neck and shoulders then down his arms. To get to his abdomen I slid down his legs revealing his apparent strong need for me. “I think you’d better stop.” His words were barely recognizable. “But I haven’t got rid of all those knots yet.” The smile sneaked over my face as I moved my hands down to his legs just brushing over the hard mound in his briefs. “Really Monica!” He got to a sitting position with difficulty and put a hand in a lazy stop position. “Why?” He looked at me with a flushed face. “Because if we go on I’m not going to be able to stop myself like I can now.” He went to get off the bed but I sat down on his legs so he couldn’t move. “Who said that you should stop?” Slowly I lifted my arms and unclasped my bra then let it fall to the floor. “I promised you John. I promised that after this whole Regali ordeal that I would make love to you.” “Monica,” he said huskily as I went to carefully pull off his briefs releasing his manhood. He then knew that I planned to go further. I got off the bed for a moment to wriggle out of my underwear as his eyes watched and knew what was going to happen. Both totally bare I got back on the bed and put more oil on my palms. With a sideways smile I held him in my hands, sliding up his shaft and it enlarged even more in my hand as I did so. Patches of mottled pink skin showed on his neck and upper chest also indicating the extent of his arousal. “You don’t have to do this.” He said it but not convincingly. “I want this if you do John.” I let go of his erection and moved up his body to look into his eyes. I could feel him at my entrance as we kissed. It was as good as the previous night but this time there would be the added reward of sexual union. His hands went to my butt and moved my hips so that his erection felt over where it would soon enter. I wanted him to take control the very first time to show that he was ready for a sexual relationship with me. “John, I want you,” I whispered into his mouth. With one swift movement he rolled me onto my back and I spread my legs for him. “You really want this?” He kept kissing my mouth as he spoke. “I told you I wouldn’t be able to stop.” To tell him ‘yes’ I reached down and wrapped my fingers around his want for me and positioned him at my entrance. With a grunt he slowly pushed into me filling and stretching me with his love. What I had wanted for so long was coming true. He pushed in deeply before pulling a little out then pushing again. It was all like a fairytale for both of us and too good to be true. My hips lifted to meet his and to prove this was really happening. A flush of warmth ran down my chest and I arched back moaning and soaking in the pleasure he was giving me from above and below. “That’s good John.” The words hardly escaped my throat “Only good?” Even though my eyes were partly closed I could feel his smile. My mouth opened into a grin and he leant down and kissed it. It was warm and loving and felt oh so sexy as we continued our active union. He broke the kiss to peer into my eyes. We were looking at each other as lovers for the first time. My love for him at that moment was overwhelming and I would never forget the affection and lust painted over his features. My hands roved over his still oiled chest and abdomen as we both moved our hips in a pace that was slowly becoming faster and more urgent. I basked in the feel of his hands kneading my breasts and grazing the nipples. A moment later his hands were under my back and lifting me to a sitting position into his lap. We kissed again and held each other as close as possible as we bounced and bucked on the bed. “I love you Monica.” His breath was temperate on my lips. The words and the physical love he was expressing started the feeling in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t reply. It took minutes to overwhelm me. As the ultimate bliss overpowered my body John gave me small kisses over my neck and ran sizzling fingers up and down my back. After his release he just held me, moving ever so slightly rubbing his cheek against mine. It was as though he didn’t want the moment to end. Neither did I. “John, I love you too.” I ran my fingers through his hair as I spoke and looked over his face. There was the biggest smile I had seen for a long time and I knew that this moment was also unforgettable for him. We lay together on the bed gazing and smiling at each other. He moved a hand lightly along my glistening thigh and I ran a finger over his face. “That was awesome.” He spoke softly with that raspy voice of his. “Yes, it was.” I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. “So what do we do now?” “It’s still not late. We could have a shower and watch a movie on TV.” “No, I meant at work. That’s partly why I have been holding back. You know it will be frowned on.” His hand moved to my back and pulled me in closer, reassuring me that he had no regrets about what we had just done. “What we have is more important than work. Let’s just wait and see. Time has a way of providing answers.” “Can I stay the night?” His whisper was magic. How could a girl refuse? ……………… After Sunshine Days John was a different person during our Brady Bunch case. He was relaxed and easy going, the most relaxed I had seen him for a while and I knew why. It had been a few weeks since the start of our romantic involvement. John had finally admitted he loved me and we took the next logical step in the relationship and slept together. I will never forget our first time and that was the way I wanted it. The dreams in the past of making love to him paled compared to the actual event. He will never stop thinking about it either. The way he looked at me and held me afterwards was romantic and unforgettable. No one at the Bureau knew of our ties although we suspected Skinner had an inkling. He had been through the same with Dana and Mulder so if he knew, he was probably turning a blind eye, as it wasn’t interfering with our work. If Dana knew then she was keeping it quiet. She must have seen a change in us. The transformation in John was marked but people could think that it was probably due to finally putting to rest the bad memories of Luke’s case. John and myself had seen each other almost every day since the first time at his house. We didn’t always sleep together at night but we continued to enjoy each other’s company in many ways. Our sexual relationship was just getting better as we found out what we both enjoyed and did a little experimenting. For both of us it had been a while without sexual attachment. This side of our liaison just enhanced our emotional love for each other. I had a smile on my face as Dana, John and myself looked on at Oliver Martin also known as Anthony Fogelman and Doctor Reitz in the hospital room. “So close Dana, sorry you don’t get your proof.” John commiserated. “Me too.” She paused just thinking. “Maybe I’ve had it these past nine years. If not proof of the paranormal then of more important things.” Dana took the news gracefully and I marvelled at her sense of logic. It was true that love, family and security were far more important than anything else. Dana walked off leaving both of us standing there. “Here’s hoping the TV stays off and he learns to love the real world.” I smiled as John said that. It was proof that his life had turned around and he was once again enjoying the real world. I took the bold step of holding his hand in public but anyone noticing would see it as friendship. “I think you are getting the hang of this job.” Smiling, we both looked back at the heart warming scene in the hospital room and knew this case was over. “So, you have any plans for the evening?” It was more often I who made the moves so it was good to see him taking the initiative. “Only with you.” Was that twinkle in my eye working? “How about I bring something over to your place, I’m for an easy night.” He looked at my expression to see if I agreed. “A relaxing night hey John?” That twinkle turned into a spark as I imagined what John and myself could do to unwind. “So you provide the food, I’ll provide the entertainment.” “Fine by me.” This was the John I had been waiting for all these years. It was as though the shackles that had bound him had loosened and he was learning how to live as a free man. “So I’ll see you at my place in a couple of hours?” As I spoke he led me to the hospital entrance lightly touching the small of my back. He was eager to find out what I had in mind. I was looking forward to a relaxing night in the company and arms of my man. ……………….. The robe I wore was a violet satin kimono style with a tie around the waist. To surprise John I decided to wear nothing underneath. He would find out soon enough when he untethered my slippery waistband. I tied my hair up in a gentle knot to keep it from getting too wet.. John was due to arrive any time and I would be ready to lure him into the bathroom where I had my form of relaxation all set up. Food could be eaten later. It had been a few days since we both could relax together so I was looking forward to chatting about anything that came to mind that wasn’t work related. The aromatherapy candle was burning in the living room and there was soft music playing where we would just get the hint of it from the bathroom. The two hour leeway had allowed me time to give the apartment a quick tidy up and pay special attention to the bedroom where I knew we would end up. I added freshly laundered bed linen to the bed and even changed the bedside light globe to a lower wattage for that added atmosphere of a couple wanting to be intimate. Everything was just right when the doorbell rang. Looking through the peephole to check it really was John, I took in an almost nervous breath before I opened the door. Last minute reservations had me wondering if this is what John had wanted. Maybe by relaxing he meant a night with take out in front of the television. He’d had years of that, why want more when he had a new and better type of entertainment. His eyes were like saucers when he saw me. He almost dropped the packets of food he was carrying. “I think you look all too relaxed already Monica.” His mouth remained open leaving me flattered at his response to choice of clothing for him. “There can never be too much relaxing John.” I coyly smiled, taking the bags from him and beckoning him to follow me to the kitchen. “Smells good, Chinese?” “Hope you like it.” He was right on my trail. I could almost feel his heat behind me as I lay our dinner on the kitchen bench. I knew what he was thinking and I felt a tingling sensation run through my body just imagining what we could do together alone, with no interruptions. With his hands moving around my waist he captured my body next to the bench and nuzzled my neck. “Talking about smelling good…” We didn’t need to say any more, just experience. Those hands of his that had felt over my skin in the last few days felt wonderful through the silky fabric. My head lolled back giving him permission for his hands to roam free. “Oh,” I sighed. He had only been in the door a few minutes and already he was driving me wild with desire. As he planted small kisses from one side of my neck to the other his hands explored over my breasts, holding them and squeezing through the smooth material. “Hmmm, you taste and feel good too.” That voice of his could melt an iceberg. “Jo-ohn,” I stammered. He rested his body close to mine and I moved my ass into his groin wanting him to go further. This was all going differently to my bathroom plans but that could be kept for later. This felt right and natural and that’s how I wanted our relationship to stay. He moved his hands slowly down my thighs and then up and under my kimono wrap. My breathing increased and my face flushed with aroused hormones just anticipating his reaction to what he would find. A small ‘ohh’ came from deep within his throat and his fingers travelled up my inner thighs to find it all bare. “I think dinner can wait,” was his obvious remark. All my preparations to lure him into my arms had worked a little too well. I hadn’t imagined we’d be having sex even before we reached the bathroom or the bed. As I turned in his arms he lifted me up and carried me to the kitchen table. The look of lust he gave me turned me on even further. He sat me on the edge and let me watch as he undid his belt. The thought of him taking control like this filled me with urgent want for him. “This is all your doing,” he growled as he pulled his jeans and briefs down a little to release what had been a restriction in his pants. Leaving them just resting on his hips he paid attention to me. His hands moved from my knees, slowly making their way to underneath my satiny wrap. His fingers, once underneath, trailed the inside of my thighs then pulled my knees wide apart to be able to move closer. We still had on all our clothing but it was so exciting the thought of sex being so urgent that we remained clothed. As he found the hot spot and pushed in he bit his lower lip and sighed. He thrust in deeply causing the table to rock and me to call out his name in ecstasy. His mouth met mine and we kissed heatedly as he got his tempo up. I let him lead but I accepted his every whim. Even though we were on fire for each other we tried to pace it to last longer, enjoying the feel of being united so closely, so sensually and highly arousing. When John began his home run he put a hand under me and lay me back on an angle on the table. He moved to be on top and I could feel him getting better entry. Concentrating, I let all my inhibitions go and allowed him to take over my realm. I was floating in his arms as we both reached the heights just moments apart. My fingers played underneath the rim of his jeans as I rode out the surge of love for the man in and on my body. “Oh Monica.” His eyes were closed as he slowly came down to earth. I ached for him to kiss me to finish off the deal but I waited for him, letting him take command to the very end. When he saw my expectant mouth open he bent down and touched my lips with his. We stayed that way tasting and feeling for minutes, making up the personal time we had not had time for in the previous few days. When there was a lull he looked at my contented grin and also smiled. “I repeat, this was all your doing.” “You made me do it’ is not an excuse John. You should know that in our line of work.” I displayed my sassy grin. “In our line of work partners don’t usually fuck each other either.” He emitted a small chuckle. “You want to stop this? Having a pang of conscience John?” The wry smile never once left my face. “You kidding me? I’d be daft to give up the woman I love.” There was silence for moments as we gazed towards each other and thinking how lucky we were to finally become one. “So let’s eat.” John began. “I’m famished.” John helped me up off the table and began adjusting my clothing before attending to his own. I loved the way he took over even after the recent events. “I don’t want you to ever greet me at the door wearing anything like this again,” he chuckled as his arms enveloped me once more and gave me one long kiss. “So what you’re saying John, is next time I should come to the door naked.” “Oooh, now there’s a thought. On that note I can’t wait to see what you have planned for me later.” “After dinner I have some special dessert for you.” “Something tells me it will be a surprise.” All I had to do was nod and smile. …………… Even though it was take-out, dinner was delicious. By now John knew what I liked, we were certainly made for each other. We decided to eat in the living room because the thought of eating on the kitchen table just made us laugh. “So, what’s that dessert you were talking about?” We had just watched a movie and the end credits were rolling. John lay on the couch with me in his lap, resting my head on his chest. He was so warm and comfortable I didn’t feel like moving. The wonderful way he was playing with my hair and face made me almost sleepy. “Is it anything we can eat in the bedroom?” My smile was hidden from him. That was certainly a way to tell me he was ready for some more fun. “I thought you wanted an easy night?” I reminded him as I turned and lightly rested on top of him. Pulling myself up to meet him face to face I kissed his lips, just one kiss but with all the promise of more to come. “How energetic can it be eating dessert?” He had caught me there but I knew he was probably thinking on the same lines. His hands felt gently over my butt through the satin fabric of my kimono wrap, a sure sign that eating was only part of what was on his mind. “If you want relaxation and dessert, I have the perfect solution.” I looked over his face for signs that he understood. One of the reasons I wore this outfit was to get John into the bathroom. Instead we ended up having sex in the kitchen. Even if it didn’t finish up with sex a long hot steamy bath together would be something we would both enjoy immensely. “Oh? What do you have in mind Monica Reyes?” My smile was enigmatic; I wanted to surprise him. After giving him another kiss, which he reciprocated with just as much passion, I peeled myself off his enticing body. Taking his hand I led him to the bedroom. “Wait here, I’ll be back soon.” As I left, John sat on the edge of the bed. When I returned moments later with a fluffy white towel he was laying on the bed on top of the covers. His eyebrows rose as he saw what I was holding. “What’s this for?” The idea of misleading him was so arousing. “Just strip off and put it on, I’ll be back for you soon.” He’d probably think I was going to give him a massage and I was going to get the oils. The thought of touching his body that way was tempting but what I really had planned was more inviting. “Promise me you’ll wait for me here?” “Okay.” He started undoing his belt as I left the room. Immediately I went to the bathroom and turned on the bath faucets and then lit the candles that had been placed there earlier. After adding some bubble bath mixture to the hot water I left the room, closing the door behind me in case he could hear the running water. Quickly I went to the kitchen and retrieved the fruit salad I had made earlier together with the bowl of whipped cream. With a few heaped spoonfuls of fruit into a bowl I topped it with cream and sunk in a dessertspoon. I hoped John wouldn’t get tired of waiting. “Monica?” He called from the bedroom. “I’ll be there soon, just think fun thoughts.” Hurriedly getting out two wine goblets I poured my favorite white that I’d opened the previous evening and only had one glass. It took two trips to the bathroom to transport everything there. I turned on the CD player and let the quiet music filter through the room, turned off the faucets and switched off the light before heading back to the bedroom. John was lying on the bed again with one hand under his head and a big smile on his face. Before he saw me I just stood there looking. He was just a perfect man in every way. I hadn’t seen him in just a towel before. It certainly showed how toned his body was. The smile topped off the whole sexy picture. “So what’s up?” He looked up quickly as though I’d startled him. “Just wondering why you took so long.” He looked at my empty hands. “Monica, what are you doing?” Laughing I moved over to him on the bed and straddled him, my hands either side of his head. “Tell me what you were thinking.” I started by kissing his nose, then his cheek. “Nothing.” “There was something John Doggett. You don’t have a smile on your face like that for nothing.” I continued kissing the other cheek and worked my way to his mouth where I gave light kisses so he could still talk. “You really wanna know? I was imagining you getting your handcuffs.” He kissed me this time before I could answer, then encircled his arms around me rolling me over onto my side, taking control. “My handcuffs?” I got the words out before he gave me a deep kiss and ran his hand down my back to the hem of my garment and sneaked underneath. If he kept feeling over my bare skin and kissing me that way any longer then we would be at it on the bed and once again the bath would be begging to be used. I broke away before reaching the point of no return. “Handcuffs can be another day. I might be a whiz with massages but I’m even better with bondage.” Getting off the bed I took his hand. “Oh?” All I did was smile and led him to the bathroom. I didn’t need to see his face. His imagination could take over from then on. It looked as though it already had. ……………….. The bathroom was just perfect, the music, the lighting, the steam, the temperature and the company. It dawned on him what I had been doing all that time as he looked around the room and then at me. “So this is what you meant by entertainment?” He saw the wine and the dessert bowl and turned to peer into my face with a mock frown. “You’re a tease Agent Reyes.” His hands went to my shoulders and I knew what he had in mind. “Not yet!” My hands stopped his. “You first.” My fingers felt underneath the rim of the towel around his waist and tugged at the end until the whole thing fell to the floor. His butt was the first part I touched. “Okay but don’t run off on me and leave me by myself.” “I promise I’ll stay.” With that he turned and I gazed at his body as he slid into the hot water a little at a time. “Well, you coming in?” He took a wine glass from the small table beside the bath and had a sip. “This is really nice stuff.” “It’s my favorite.” As he sipped some more I began to slowly undo the tie that held my wrap together. He looked across to me; his eyes like an owl’s as the material fell open revealing just a hint of my naked body underneath. Lifting my hands to my neck I let the slippery material slowly uncover my shoulders. Just then George Michael’s song ‘I Want Your Sex’ filtered through the room and we both smiled knowing that this would be no ordinary bath. Letting the fabric fall to the ground I walked over to the tub letting his eyes wander all over my body. “Gorgeous.” As I put a leg over the rim I let him take a look at what would be his in only a matter of time. “Monica.” His voice was breathless. He moved his legs to the side to allow me room to sit opposite. My head lolled back enjoying the bubbles and water lapping at my skin and his eyes meandering where they pleased. When the music changed to Darren Hayes’ and Olivia Newton John’s song ‘Lifting Me Up’ my eyes opened. John took the opportunity to speak. “There’s only one bowl. Aren’t you having any?” “I’m going to feed you.” Kneeling between his legs, casually bent at the knees, I gave him his wine glass back. We both took a few sips before I replaced mine on the small table and swapped it for the fruit bowl. Half filling the spoon with a few pieces of fruit and a dollop of cream, it made its way to John’s open mouth. “Mmmm, tasty. How did you know I loved this type of dessert and freshly made too?” He took another spoonful as I spoke. “I saw all those cans in your pantry. Decided that some fresh fruit salad would be ideal.” A little cream was left at the corner of his mouth, which instantly reminded me of the time I had first moved into the apartment, and he came with polish sausage. That time I had wiped the mustard off with a thumb. Putting the spoon back I moved closer and as I licked it off the rim of his lip I had an idea. “Just some stray cream,” I smiled. Again I half filled the spoon and placed the bowl back. I let him take the sweet mixture in his mouth but this time leant in for a kiss. As we shared the fruit with our kiss he ran slippery hot hands over my back and butt. My head felt the throbbing that the heat of the situation provided but the feel of this man wet and waiting for me made me endure. When my knees began aching as well I decided to change position. “I like this song.” The CD player played the U2 song ‘The Ground Beneath Her Feet’ and I turned to lay my back on John. My eyes slipped closed just after he reached for the soap and lathered his hands. As the song progressed slowly so did my need to be touched all over. John knew just what to do and covered my breasts with the foam. He lingered there running circles around my nipples and slipping his whole hands over the soft tissue and gently squeezing and washing. Soaping further he ran fingers across my abdomen then down further through my curls. I hooked my legs around his calves to signal him to continue. “Oh John.” He had felt me like this a few times in the last few weeks but in the hot soapy water in a room filled with heat, steam and one of my favorite songs made it hard to believe I was in the real world. As his fingers worked their enchantment under the hot foamy water I sank more into his chest and into the music. In no time I was feeling the pressure building up in my loins. The sweet sensation slowly filled my body more intensely than I’d ever felt it before. As I throbbed on John’s fingers he kissed the top of my head. He must have felt proud he could make me come like that. The feeling and the surroundings made me sleepy with contentment but John’s needs were all too evident. …………….. My legs were still a little numb when I began to move. Almost slipping in the bath John caught me, laughing as he did so. “You will go and get me all worked up so that I just have to touch you.” “John, you’re blaming me again.” I tried to move once more and this time knelt between his knees as best I could in the small bath without splashing too much of the water outside the tub. “You’re the one who came to the door dressed like you did and then wanted to lure me in here.” I reached for the soap as he spoke. “You knew?” Lathering my hands I returned the soap and began slow movements over his chest. I savored every moment my fingers lingered on his skin. “It all makes sense in hindsight.” “So you didn’t know.” My hands went down his arms then back up to his neck. As I did so it gave me the chance to look over his body and then into his face. “I knew something was up when you came to the door dressed that way. It didn’t take long for me to figure out why a woman would be dressed in just a wrap.” There was a small spark of self-satisfaction that I had the urge to wipe of his face. Would I dare ask him that question that had been on my mind ever since seeing how the two of them interacted? “What if it had been Dana at the door, how would you have explained yourself?” “I was just getting ready for a bath.” It was my turn to look self-satisfied as I continued to lather then run my hands along his legs and up again under the water. Finding what was clearly a sign of his continued arousal I began to feel over it with light fingers at first. “Monica.” His eyes rolled back as his head became a little too heavy for his body. This was perfect timing to ask the question. “John,” My fingers encircled his want for me and I squeezed eliciting a groan that I knew was a reflex action. “Tell me about Dana.” “What?” The CD had finished playing and all we could hear were the sounds of our talking and the water splashing around us. “Were you in love with her?” Either the question hadn’t registered or he thought it was one big joke. He grinned from ear to ear. “What?” I wanted to know the reason. Without opening his eyes he spoke, “Monica, what a fucking stupid question to ask me now.” He sat up a little but with difficulty seeing his predicament. “Who fucking cares what I thought about Agent Scully, I’m here with you now and I have always wanted you, maybe I have always loved you.” Not in a lifetime had I predicted his response but it was enough for me to feel satisfied that in no way could Dana come between us. “Now keep doing that will ya?” My inner glow returned as I watched and felt him respond to my manual consideration of his body. “Come here.” He outstretched his arms to me and sliding a little I managed to sit astride him in the water. Using my hand I helped guide him inside me. For the second time that evening we were united and I knew that this would be just as good or even better than the first. I also discerned, as we began to gyrate in the water, that there would be a bit of mopping up to do later. That didn’t bother us as we made love there in my bathtub. That wasn’t the last time we made love that night. I would remember the occasion for years to come, that night of raw passion that we spent in each other’s arms, our bodies eternally locked. The Brady Bunch case was a change of direction for us, it was like a doorway that had opened to a whole new world where only love mattered, our love for each other. …………….. After The Truth Mulder was back and even though he was charged with murder I was happy for Dana. I felt compassion for her that she showed concern that Mulder would be found guilty and what could possibly happen to him after that. On the other hand it gave her a little piece of mind that Mulder was close and that once again they could talk and just be together. I had seen the anguish in her features every time his name had come up over the past months. She had missed him badly. John and myself had managed to keep our relationship clandestine, not wanting to jeopardize our jobs, but with the turn of events after we both had testified at Mulder’s trial, the secrecy seemed moot. The state of our office when we returned with Gibson was a devastation but was not too surprising thinking back on it later. They would have wanted to get their hands on any evidence that would be damning if it was leaked to the public. Mulder had been hiding something, I knew that much. He had not murdered Knowle Rohrer seeing super soldiers could not be killed and Dana’s finding proved that the body she examined was indeed someone else. The jury knew this and yet they still announced a guilty verdict. They wanted Mulder out of the way. What did he know that was so important? After we left Mulder and Dana driving off the opposite direction in the desert we decided we needed to get back to DC as soon as possible. John had promised to look after Gibson and by the way the super soldier in Kersh’s office had looked at him he was in certain danger. We just hoped we weren’t too late. My heart calmed a little when I saw him there as Maggie Scully opened her door to us. I smiled at him and gave Dana’s mom a hug, one that would show that there were explanations about her daughter that she would find upsetting. John went to check on Gibson. I loved the way he was so protective of him. When he made the promise of making sure nothing would happen to him I knew he meant it with all his heart. He had lost a son, no way would he lose another child. After explaining to Maggie everything that had happened she assured us that she would be all right and we could leave with Gibson. I promised to look in on her and we both agreed to passing on any information we found out about Dana and Mulder. All the way back to John’s house we were silent. I wondered if Gibson was reading my mind. John had asked me to live with him just this past week and I had moved much of my possessions to his house. If all worked as well as it had in the past seven days then I would give notice that I would be leaving my apartment and living with him permanently. No way did we know that our lives would be turned upside down with Mulder’s return and a teenage boy to look after. “You’re having second thoughts.” Gibson stated as John swung a left into his driveway. “No, Gibson.” I knew exactly what he meant. “We want to protect you. It’s just that with all that’s going on and all the uncertainty with our lives and jobs it needs some getting used to.” “Monica’s right, I meant it when I said I’d protect you.” He went to open the garage door and came back to the car to drive it in. “None of us can predict what will happen tomorrow.” There was silence again as we all entered John’s house. When John looked out the curtains to see if we had been followed I saw a magazine of mine lying on the coffee table and wondered if Gibson had seen it. “You don’t need to hide it.” Gibson stated. “Hide what?” John turned from the window to ask. I knew what he meant. “You two.” John looked at me puzzled only for a moment before understanding hit. “We love each other Gibson.” I explained calmly. “I’m living with John now.” “You can have the second bedroom,” John added, not wanting to say outright that we were sleeping together in what was now our bed. “Are you getting married?” The look on John’s face gave away his feeling about the surprise question so innocently expressed. On both our behalves I decided to explain. “That’s something John and myself haven’t discussed yet.” My eyes met John’s and hoped he saw in them the need to discuss this later. When the phone rang we all stood like statues wondering who could possibly be calling and if we answered would that put us in any danger. “You have to know.” Gibson again spoke simply and I knew what he meant and picked up. “Monica Reyes.” I breathed a relieved sigh as I heard a familiar voice on the other end. “Yes, sir?” John watched on with curiosity but I knew that Gibson was following what was being said. “Tomorrow then.” I concluded and then hung up the phone. “Well?” John quizzed. “That was Skinner.” I responded. “So he’s all right.” “You think he’s a super soldier.” I tried to calm myself and not be annoyed with Gibson reading my every thought no matter how fleeting. He would need to be taught that one’s thoughts were private, not for public hearing. “John, he told me that for now we are safe. They really just wanted Mulder for what he knows. They are satisfied that we are not a threat to them for now.” “That’s good to know.” John physically showed his relief. “He wants to see us tomorrow morning in his office for reassignment.” “So what’s this about Skinner possibly being one of them?” He looked at Gibson then myself. “It was just a fleeting thought I had but I can’t see it being.” I commented then explained. “How anyone becomes a super soldier your guess is as good as mine but I just can’t see it being an overnight transformation.” “So what you’re saying is that when Skinner went into Kersh’s office it was probably just to find out what he knew, what we all knew?” “She’s tired.” Gibson interrupted. “Monica?” “He’s right John. It’s been a rough few days. I suggest we all have something to eat and then make it a night. We can talk more after our morning meeting with Skinner.” “Okay,” John agreed. “I’ll make up the bed for you Gibson.” “And I’ll fix us some food.” I handed the television remote to Gibson and smiled. ………… John slipped under the covers to join me. Gibson had just gone to bed so we had to be quiet so as not to disturb him. My bed partner smelt so good after his shower and touching his skin as we lay close brought a flood of desire for him. “You reading my mind John?” I quietly quipped. “We’d have to be silent.” He whispered back, touching my hair with his mouth. “Silent sex, that reminds me…,” “Of Brad.” “There you go reading my mind again. Are you and Gibson related and you were just getting around to telling me?” I felt him laugh in my hair as he held me more snugly. “So how do you think Brad’s coping?” John hadn’t spoken much about the former Assistant Director since his trial for the murder of Victor Regali. “I think he’s counting his lucky stars that he didn’t get a prison term.” My fingers felt down his arm. “It’s almost like a sentence being exiled for the next ten years to a small town in Arizona.” John’s voice vibrated through my hair. “He did do you and the city a big favor.” “I know, and that is essentially why he is a relatively free man.” John’s hand absently rubbed my abdomen through the soft fabric of my nightshirt. I loved it when he did that and found myself becoming more aroused. “Do you think we should tell Skinner?” “Let’s wait for our meeting with him to see if it’s appropriate.” I probably iterated what John had been thinking. His hand moved down over my thigh and underneath my night attire. It took up refuge in the same spot but now on my bare skin. “What were you thinking when Gibson asked about marriage?” I knew he would probably bring this up in bed. “I can see us married John but let’s talk…,” “After our morning meeting.” He finished the sentence. “I do love you Monica.” I shifted in his embrace to face him. “And I love you too John Doggett.” We both beamed at each other and our shared emotions. “Monica, will you marry me if all goes well tomorrow?” His expression changed to indicate that he was serious. I gave him a brief kiss on the lips before responding. “Yes John, I will marry you.” There were almost tears of joy in his eyes at the response to his ultimate question. “And Gibson, Monica, I made him a promise.” “I know, and if he wishes I will be a mom to him.” He kissed me then like there was no tomorrow. My desire for him was at critical as he began removing my clothes before we made hot, passionate and quiet love the night before there would probably be a big change of direction in our lives in more ways than one. The End |