HOW TO SPOT A REAL CLASSIC BOY RACER! Boy-Racers ! Well, you have to laugh at some of them. The Car Or rather a mobile disco, more often that not the discerning boy racer's pulling power is a clapped out Vauxhall Nova/Corsa, with a baked-bean tin exhaust. Of course it is regulation that the bass bin fills the entire boot so the general public can hear dem phat beats from 1/4 mile away. How to spot a boy- racer 1, Spotlights 2, Alloys 3, Lowered suspension 4, Massively oversized sun-visor thingy on the windscreen with something like "Turbo Systems" written on it 5, Decals advertising the patently obvious. For example, on many Nova 1.3 SR's you might see a huge sticker on the side with "Nova SR" displayed in letters a foot tall. Just in case we didn't realise. 6, Racing steering wheel, of a three-spoked nature. Bucket seats 7, Roll cage. Yeah, right! 8, Booster-cushion for the vertically challenged members of the club. Actually I made that one up, because half of them can't see over the dashboard! 9, The mandatory "mates" who sit and stare out the back windows when you end up behind one. These are obviously the apprentices, who haven't saved up enough pocket money from their job stacking shelves in the local supermarket to buy their own car. How to wind them up There's two certainties in life; Death and Taxes. Well there's a third too, and it's a boy racer not being able to resist trying to take on a bike! If you attract their attention and want to have fun, check out my wind up guide! Wind Up How to play Score Blast Off Just roast away from the traffic lights. Not satisfying in the least but guaranteed to get them riled. 1 Delayed Reaction If they boot it, stay even with the front bumper or even drop back, and then cane it. Guaranteed to make eyes pop out of heads. 2 Going Nowhere Rev up at the lights as they creep forward. As they blast off into the distance, slowly engage 1st gear and proceed with caution. 3 Stoppie Okay so it's not a wind up, but if there's a candidate waiting at lights and you're just about to pull up alongside, pull a stoppie. Usually earns a wave! 4 Hoik a Minger! If you're in a good mood, pop a wheelie as you pull away. All in the course of extending car/bike relations of course. 5 ! Other culprits Every biker knows to avoid Volvos at all costs. Here are a few more types of drivers to avoid wherever possible: BMW's. The typical executives car. I'm sorry, I didn't realise you owned the road. The Flat Cap Brigade - doddery old men with bonnets. A lobotomised goldfish would probably have a faster reaction time. Anyone driving Nissan Micra. They should have sparklers on the roof, because they drive them like f**king dodgems. Sunday Drivers. Usually recognised by the two white-haired old ladies in the back. The ones with those "microphone-head" style perms and blue rinses. More interested in the lovely scenery than what's going on around them. Jeeps / 4x4's. Even worse than BMW drivers. The worst possible combination is mum taking her snotty kids to school. |