Read What Others Have Shared
(January 1999)
There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone
January 13, 1999
From: Shannon
E-mail :Radcris@aol.com
I have been in full time Christian ministry for almost 10 years now. I am a Bible school graduate, and have studied in seminary. You'd think if anyone knew how to deal with emotions spiritually, it would be me.
However, over the last 3 years I've gone through some deep valleys. I began to feel gloomy, and when I prayed, it was as if God was silent. That was, and is, the hardest part...wondering why God didn't comfort me.
I was living in a foreign country, in an area with acknowledged spiritual warfare...ancestor worship, etc. I was reluctant to attribute my depression to demons, though.
As time went on, instead of getting better, I got worse. I didn't want to live. I shut myself up at home in the afternoons, with the lights off. I wanted to be alone. People could see I was "tired"..and my closest co-workers didn't know how to deal with me.
I got some Christian counseling (took a month off work), and was some better. However, the depression came back. Finally, I saw a Christian psychologist. He recommended a psychiatrist, who quickly put me on zoloft. It made all the difference in the world. I felt like "myself" again.
I started medicine in June of '97, so that was about a year and a half ago. I stopped taking it in October of '98, and I have some bad days sometimes, but I'm okay so far.
What have I learned? Well, I don't like taking medicine, but I think perhaps God has provided it. He WAS there during my depression, and the medicine was one way He helped me. If I have to take it again, believe me, I will. It's good stewardship.
Secondly...where was God? He was there. He permits illnesses sometimes. The problem with comparing depression to diseases like cancer and diabetes is that cancer and diabetes don't make you feel "dark" and "abandoned" by God. PART OF THE SYMPTOMS OF CLINICAL DEPRESSION is a feeling of abandonment. It's not that God is gone it's just that the changes in your body, and in your emotions don't permit you to feel Him. Keep trusting anyway.
I would probably compare taking depression medicine more to taking hormones for menopause. It regulates you body AND your moods.
Thanks for letting me share.
I hope this helps someone else, too.
God bless you!
Love in Christ,
Shannon
p.s. Thanks a million, "hopeinsight" for your web page. It's a real blessing, and I plan to pass it on to a friend.