If the motion of the earth were circular, it would be violent and contrary to nature, and could not be eternal, since nothing violent is eternal. It follows, therefore, that the earth is not moved with a circular notion. –Thomas Aquinas
The theory of a relativistic universe is the hostile work of agents of fascism. It is the revolting propaganda of a moribund, counter-revolutionary ideology. –Astronomical Journal of the Soviet Union, (1940), which proudly continued politicizing science until the USSR’s collapse
I believe that mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn't wear fur coats those little animals would never have been born. So is it better not to have been born or to have lived for a year or two to have been turned into a fur coat? I don't know. - Barbie Benton, displaying her deep thinking skills during that battle of the philosophical heavy-hitters, the Q&A portion of a beauty pageant
I think 'immoral' is probably the wrong word to use...I prefer the word 'unethical. - Ivan Boesky, American take-over king, convicted of securities fraud, discussing the fine points of insider trading
Sex without class consciousness cannot give satisfaction, even if it is repeated until infinity. –Aldo Brandirali, extremely class-conscious and hopefully satisfied Secretary of the Italian Marxist-Leninist Party, 1973
I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to
face that. - Christie Brinkley, bravely facing the world, sideways rear side and
all
The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others. - Gerry Brown, runner-up for the Nobel in economics and noted master of the obvious
All the ills from which America suffers can be traced back to the teaching of evolution. It would be better to destroy every other book ever written, and save just the first three verses of Genesis. –William Jennings Bryan, embittered loser of the Scopes trial
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush, opinionated yet unbiased US president
I am tired of all this thing called science…We have spent millions in that sort of thing for the least few years, and it is time it should be stopped. –Senator Simon Cameron of Pennsylvania, one of the fine people the American voters have historically entrusted with the care of their national legacy, demanding that funding for the Smithsonian be cut off, 1861
If critics have problems with my personal life, it's their problem. Anybody with half a brain would realize that it's the charts that count. - Mariah Carey, who, at press time, was conspicuously absent from the charts-after posting copious details of her personal life online
If you see me as just the princess then you misunderstand who I am and what I have been through. - Mariah Carey, misunderstood pop princess
Has there ever been danger of war between Germany and ourselves, members of the same Teutonic race? Never has it been imagined. –Andrew Carnegie, (1913), (obviously) unimaginative American financier
Let no one say that because we have these parts, that the female body is shaped this way and that way, the one to receive, the other to give sees, sexual intercourse is allowed by God, to whom we seek to attain, he would not have pronounced the eunuch blessed. –Julius Cassianus, (c. 200), noted opponent of the continuation of the human race
For the second time in our history, a British Prime Minister has returned from Germany bringing peace with honor. I believe it is peace for our time. Go home and get a nice quiet sleep. –Neville Chamberlain, (1938), who, if not much of a diplomat, at least gave the world the game of Snooker
Animals, which move, have limbs and muscles; the earth has no limbs and muscles, hence it does not move. –Scipio Chiaramonti, (1633) Professor of Philosophy and Mathematics at the University of Pisa, and logic-class dropout
I have a brother who's a drug addict. I'm very proud of him. - Bill Clinton, non-inhaling one-time leader of the free world
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President. - Hillary Clinton, somewhat misguided ex-First Lady
You ain’t goin’ nowhere. Son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck. –Jim Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, (1954) to Elvis Presley; whether or not Mr. Denny had ever visited Graceland was unclear as of press time
(By 1982) sex will have become much less a theme for either poetry or analysis. Much of the romanticism and all of the hypochondria on the subject will be over. –Irwin Edman, 1932
Far too noisy, my dear Mozart. Far too many notes. –Ferdinand of Austria, on “The Marriage of Figaro”, 1786
Woman’s participation in the political life would involve the domestic calamity of a deserted home and the loss of the womanly qualities for which refined men adore women and marry them. Doctors tell us, too, that thousands of children would be harmed or killed before birth by the injurious effects of untimely political excitement on their mothers. –Henry T. Flinck, (1901), quite possibly himself the calamitous product of a deeply politically over-excited mother
A person buying ordinary products in the supermarket is in touch with his deepest emotions. –John Kenneth Galbraith, deeply emotional economist and sometimes grocery shopper
That birds can be taught to talk better than other animals is explained by the fact that their birds are Nordic in structure… - Professor Hermann Gauch, (1933), perhaps history’s most venerated Nazi ornithologist
I do not consider Hitler to be as bad as he is depicted. He is showing an ability that is amazing seems to be gaining his victories without much bloodshed. –Mohandas K. Gandhi, (1940), diaper-wearing pacifist nutcase offering some of the erudite political analysis for which is he is so noted
I never predict anything, and I never will. - Paul
Gascoigne, an unpredictable sort of fellow
We rule by love and not by the bayonet. –Joseph Göebbels, Adolf Hitler’s Minister for Enlightenment, offering some enlightenment on the Nazi platform in 1936
How could this be a problem in a country where we have Intel and Microsoft? - Al Gore, super-dull tree-hugging twit, uncredited inventor of the Internet, and general pest
We need not hesitate to admit that the sun is richly stored with inhabitants. –William Herschel, a statement, which, though generally discredited, has yet to be disproved beyond all doubt
If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one. –Dr. W.C. Heuper, National Cancer Institute, 1954, illustrating that cigarette research truly has come a long way, baby
I don’t need bodyguards. –Jimmy Hoffa (Mr. Hoffa was unavailable for comment and his current whereabouts are somewhat vague)
We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? - Lee Iacocca, who, if nothing else, provides the enviro-twits with a target for their hostility
Bees are generated from decomposed veal. –St. Isidore of Seville, (c. AD 7th century), early advocate of the hotly contested theory of spontaneous generation
If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them do it. - (referring to a video game), Paul Jacobs
Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win. –British soccer star Vinny Jones providing his unique outlook on sports
Democracy will be dead by 1950. -John Langdon-Davies, 1936
If we are to try and understand life as it will be in 1960, we must begin by realizing that food, clothing, and shelter will cost as little as air. –John Langdon-Davies, (1936), who apparently never noticed the fact that air is free to begin with
Men might as well project a voyage to the moon as attempt to employ steam navigation against the stormy North Atlantic Ocean. –Dr. Dionysius Lardner, 1838 (however, steam navigation on the moon has yet to be successfully implemented)
Nuclear powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within ten years. –Alex Lewyt, quoted in the New York Times, 1955
Gliders…(will be) the freight trains of the air…We can visualize a locomotive train leaving LaGuardia Field towing a train of six gliders in the very near future. By having the load thus divided it would be practical to unhitch the glider that must come down in Philadelphia as the train flies over that place, similarly unhitching the loaded gliders for Washington, for Richmond, for Charleston, for Jacksonville, as each city is passed – and finally the air locomotive lands itself in Miami. During that process it has not had to make any intermediate landings, so that it has not had to slow down. –Grover Loening, 1944
The French people are incapable of regicide. –Louis XVI of France, (c. 1789), who, having been stripped of his titles prior to his execution in 1793, was not technically a victim of regicide
I think the world is going to blow up in seven years. The public is entitled to a good time during those seven years. –Henry Luce, explaining his decision to begin publishing Sports Illustrated, and every man who has ever bought a copy of the Swimsuit Edition is eternally grateful to Mr. Luce
Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion. – Madonna, self-important, quasi-talented, but certainly opinionated, “musician”
Life is not a matter of place, things, or comfort; rather it concerns the basic human rights of family, country, justice, and human dignity. –Imelda Marcos, making a statement which likely drew ire from Filipinos who lack place, things, comfort, and human rights due to her husband’s policies
People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage? - the well-shod Imelda Marcos, neglecting to mention that most Filipinos are surrounded by garbage due in great part to her own need for beauty
It is bad luck to be superstitious. -Andrew Mathis
Knowing of your congregation’s deep involvement in the major social and constitutional issues of our country is a great inspiration to me. –Walter Mondale, speaking to Jim Jones, perhaps after sampling a test baste of Jim’s special recipe Kool-aid
We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. - Parish Magazine
“Safari’s in Vietnam…for the Tourist who Rally Wants to Get Away from it All” –from Newsweek’s “Leisure in the 1960’s” article, 1959
When a woman becomes a scholar, there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs. -Freidrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, who, when he died syphilis in 1900, had something wrong with his own sexual organs
When the president does it, that means it is not illegal. –Richard Milhous Nixon, words which a young Mr. Clinton apparently took to heart
My dynamite will sooner lead to peace than a thousand world conventions. As soon as men will find that in one instant whole armies can be utterly destroyed, they will surely abide by a golden peace. Alfred Nobel, who, in his 63 years on this earth (1833-1896) can’t have paid much attention to human nature
If God had wanted a Panama Canal, he would have put one there. –Phillip II of Spain, (1552), who lack of prowess for ocean-going endeavors is perhaps best illustrated by the 1558 defeat of his Armada at the hands of the English
Damp baths are to be eschewed except by the rich, whose diet is more refined and includes hot and dry things like god wines, strong spices, hares, partridges, and pheasants. And this in summer only, for in winter I would advise them to abstain from ordinary baths entirely. -Francis Raspard, (1551), extremely foul smelling early advice columnist
And now the sequence of events in no particular order. -Dan Rather
One half of children born die before their eight year. This is nature’s law; why try to contradict it? –Jean Jacques Rosseaum great lover of many-kind and advocate of the general warm-fuzziness of nature
The deliverance of the saints must take place some time before 1914. –Charles Taze Russell, founder of the Jehovah’s Wittnesses, “Studies in the Scripture”, 1910 edition
The deliverance of the saints must take place some time after 1914. –Charles Taze Russell, founder of the Jehovah’s Wittnesses, “Studies in the Scripture”, 1923 edition
Certainly, tracking through the Amazon, avoiding crocodiles and snakes, pales into insignificance compared with going to Liverpool by train. - John Blashford-Snell, intrepid British explorer and train rider
You’d better learn secretarial work or else get married. –Emmeline Snively, (1944), to Marilyn Monroe, who did eventually get married, but is best remembered for other things
An orgy of vulgar noise. –Louis Spohr, of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, 1808
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. - George Stephanopolous, unintentionally revealing a major underlying truth of all politics
I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted. - Lawrence Summers
I would not call it an accident. I would call it a malfunction. –Dr. Edward Teller, clarifying matters regarding recent events on Three Mile Island
We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally. –the accomplished Nguyen Co Thatch
Hysteria has now disappeared from Wall Street. The Times of London, November 29, 1929
Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything. - Ivana Trump
It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister. -Abigail Van Buren, whose twin sister (Ann Landers) we have found, after exhaustive research, was indeed born in Iowa
This so-called war is nothing but about
twenty-five people and propaganda. –Arthur Vandenberg, Senator from Michigan,
1939 (Mr. Vandenberg’s thoughts on the morning of December 8th,
1941 are curiously not recorded)
Sincerity is the quality that comes across on television. –The Washington Star, of Nixon, 1955
The lioness giveth birth to the cubs which remain three days without life. the cometh the lion, breatheth upon them, and bringeth them to life. –William of Normandy, (c. 1200), a man who, though he is better known for conquering England, made some singular contributions to zoology
If your eyes are set wide apart, you should be a vegetarian, because you inherit the digestive characteristics of bovine or equine ancestry. –Dr. Linard Williams, Medical Officer to the Insurance Institute of London, 1932
A nuclear war could alleviate some of the factors leading to today’s ecological disturbances that are due to current high-population concentrations and heavy industrial pollution. –anonymous official in the US Office of Civil Defense, 1982
God himself could not sink this ship. –anonymous deckhand on the Titanic, 1912
I’m sorry, Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language. –Editor of the San Francisco Examiner, to Rudyard Kipling, 1889
Seafood brought in by customers will not
be entertained. - Sign in a Langkawi, Malaysia Restaurant