| Bert's Lifestory |
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| Bert was born into a happy childhood in a stereotypical surburban family |
| In High School he experimented with drugs and alcohol |
| He later ran into some problems with stalking that ended up on Jerry |
| Under a restraining order he decided to move to the Deep South. He got involved with the KKK |
| He got mixed with the bad crowd and joined the local gang, the Sesames (all of which are from the show) |
| Through his cousin he also got involved with terrorism and Osama Bin Laden |
| He was arrested on charges of terrorism and spent 10 years in a Federal Prison |
| With the help of Ernie, Bert is now on parole and attends AA twice a week |