March 12, 2004.Since I'm going to make a new layout, this is the last post for a while,
>>still thinking for domain names
Well, the dance was okay. I got there and there was like no one there, courtney was there along with jimmy, and i guess they ended up going out again at some point in the dance. I met up with Alison and Angie, and Jenny. I mostly hung out with them all night, courtney and rosita too, really. I did dance for a while, and this swing dance came on, and I literally went crazy, but, halfway through I couldn't breath. of course im like yay asthma attack and went and sat down with jim for a while. Before that, this strange person, who i've never seen before in my life, came up behind me and started dancing, and i'm like wtf and moved away, but he kept coming up and random times and tried dancing with me, I guess he was some kids cousin? And..Tim lake asked me to slow dance but egh, I got out of that. Thankfully. idk, it was okay, i started getting a headache, some girl whacked me in the favce with her nail, it wasnt too fun.. anyway, i'm tired. later/
March 08, 2004.
Yes, Jimmy has pointed out to me that I have been using 2002 instead of 2004..Ooh well. Today was so freakishly boring, I was afraid of going to track though. It really wasn't that bad, we ran, of course the bunch of XC runners were all in this "nucles" almost said fetus there, and we led the rabid pack of wolves. I mean girls. ;P Yeah, we did stations. Everyone is so out of shape, well, except Angie, who had been running all winter long. After station were relays, by that time, all the guys going out for baseball were up on the balcony watching, how annoying. I sprinted the one, and I was just like "to hell with it, im no sprinter" and just lengthened my stride and went. Agh, I didn't like that, it reminded me too much of suicides. 1 2 3 2 1 = death. Ew, Rosita's party. We were talking about the Sadie Hawkins Dance this Friday, and Alison was like "Elisa, are you going to ask falling ears?" XDXDxDDDDDD Lmao. Apparently he has a "thing for me and senita" XD I tried explaining that telling about your dreams to become a pornstar doesn't mean he has a thing for me. XDXDXD Yeah. Jenny called me, she thinks something about Courtney and Jimmy breaking up? I don't know, she wasn't too happ today. Kevin didn't really help to much in French, but it was so friggen hilarious. I don't know though, because they were sitting with each other and looked fine after track today. Alicia was telling me about Hochmuth and Science Olympiad, apparently there's so much drama going on, whether it be Jimmy and Courtney, Rosita's party, or science olympiad, I'm just happy I'm not in it. Okay. This thing at SCCC is on the 24th I think? Idk, sometime in the 20's, but I'm afraid they won't have anything for art, and I'll be stuck in a webdesign thing, all friggen alone! AGH like that stupid thing I went to, when I finished before all the other students that actually took the course. Kind of pathetic, but I'd rather spend the day painting than spend it typing html and css and javascript and all that crap. I wouldn't mind the Photoshop part, though.
Moving on. Me and my mom went to go see hidalgo friday. Yes, in the other entry I typed that too. Well, I kept getting the urge to get on Rocky and just friggen gallop him till I fall off whenever I saw a racing scene. I don't know what it is, but I always wanted to be a jockey, and geez, I'm old enough to be a bug already. I know that thoroughbreds aren't the trustiest horses around, but I doubt there's any Quarter Horse tracks around here, just Saratoga. Hmph. I'd even be a groom. But I guess my aunt worked at Saratoga and the guys didn't treat her too nicely. I don't know, it really is a thrill. Mr. Bishop owns the property across the road from his house, and when all this stupid snow melts -by the way it snowed all night and day, and we still didn't get a snow day -BUT- Ichabod Crane did, go figure. They always have them. But yeah, once it dries, I'll go over and have my mom walk Rocky across the road with me on him, basically because he's never been on that road, and its always full of tractor trailers and crap. But yeah, it's like this huge straight away. I've been wanting to ride over there, I just need to check for holes, because if we ran, and he got caught in one, that could be the end of rockys career. I've been telling my mom that I really want to get another pony to train, and then sell it, but she just won't do it. She said I'd have to sell BB first, and then she'd think about it, or it would be different if we owned our own place. Argh. That's kind of hard considering all the new crappy developments going up all over the place. Altamont will be full of them within the next 5 years. I'll have to go from Altamont to St Clements, because there are no other places. But I'd need money. Hundred bucks a class is outrageous, but I guess what you win is better. But I probably have no chance whatsoever.I don't know. I'm kind of excited for show season this year. Stephanie won't be in my classes, phew, and idk, I'm only going to do Special hunter in NEHJC, and it's judged on rocky, not me, which is a good thing because my equitation has gotten worse over winter, but, rockys butt keeps getting bigger from climbing up and down those hills, and he's filling out and getting bigger. I really wish that he'd make it up to 16 hands, but I doubt it. I wonder if Terri would let me ride Hobbes this year? For those of you who don't know, Hobbes is this gigantic doofball, whos like 17 hands, just think, 4 inches per hand i think it is, you might have to look it up. But I rode him once, but his one leg was longer than the other because hes still not down growing yet. Well, Rocky really isn't either. I'm starting to question his background, I know he has appaloosa in him, but I think there's a strong possibility he also has paint in his background. It's funny, I tried looking up things on Joe, and they have nothing for his sires or dams, and for scotty, who gave rocky his height, her sires and dams are like, world champions, it's crazy.I have to get a new show halter for bb, I'm still thinking of those judges words last year, they kind of pissed me off, since it was on the conformation and not the way the halter fit. The cheapest nice halter i can find is like 180 bucks. Moving on, yes fair. August. August is when the LOTR exhibit comes to the Boston Museum, I'm going and dragging Kaitlin along with me, WHO I FINALLY TALKED TO TODAY. I'm happy to announce that kaitlin hasn't fallen off the face of the earth, her junior year apparently sucks. Between school, work and rocky, i guess she's got a pretty cramped schedule, actually she can only see him on weekends now. It's going to be so weird going to shows alone without her, there'll be too much time to think. By then I'll be able to drive my ponies to the shows, a scary thing, yes. I'm going to have my dad hook up the blue trailer to his truck after i get my permit and bring me down to the high school parking lot so I can drive around and practice parking and backing in it. Other than that, I have a 78 in math. I'm not too happy with that, but I really could care less anymore. My mom said i should transfer to schenectady because they have this awesome art program. She also wants me to quit band, which i might think of, since i'm going to stop after senior year anyway, I'm not really persuing a music career, but I don't want a college to be like why did you drop band? I have to drop French after this year after I take regents so I can talk Health and Computer science, I'm not taking pre calc in my senior year, either. I'm taking my regents for whatever I need in that, english next year and social this year, and probably next year. A loooooot of regents. Then I want to load up on art classes. At least 3 is what I'm going for. I really want to do the SUNY art class, but I'm afraid. I really need help on drawing bodies and proportions and that kind of thing, books really don't explain it that much.
okay. well. Idk. Jimmy. -sigh- I'm sure you skipped all that since apparently you're reading this in school? Idk, Jimmy drew this funky knight looking thing, I'll put it up here, just because its so cute. I also did a frodo drawing, which sucked. Royally. Idk. My personal/love life isn't too..productive, i guess? i really shouldn't say that because of Jimmy, but I don't know. It's been like two years now since mike broke up with me. There's nobody to talk to, except rebecca, but she's busy being a whore with her 18 year old boyfriend, and Mickele could really care less wtf I say. And Kaitlin has her own life to worry about, and I don't want to trouble her with mine. Not yet at least. AGH I cannot wait till summer, 3 more months and I'm done. This summer was pretty good, but I still didn't find that cowboy at the fair i always said i would find and he'd fall in love with me and yadda yadda. Well, there was that one cowboy I asked to shake his butt XD. Fair was so fun. That one night before 4H rocked so much, that one army dude was so awesome too, I swear hes always there to cheer me on when im in a class, and when i was sweating he actually offered me a bottle of water during a class! LMAO, yeah. That night some kid with his friend started talking to me, which is a big thing because i usually don't talk to guys, strangers in particular, but I did. I might see him this year, since he's in 4h, even though he probably only wanted to know about Mickele. -rolls eyes- that night when Eric, Zach and Chuck came was so awesome, of course me and sam and reenie were all teasing eric about his puny calves, and i met zach for the first time, lmao it was so fun, hes like "DONT GIMME THE STINK EYE" and I'd glare at him and then he'd run away. Lmao. idk, I think we'd be able to talk more since I talked to him about the whole Mike/Mickele situation. I really think that waht both of them wants it attention from the other. Like when mickele told me mike called her, but i told her thats why sach gets upset, and she can tell him to stop calling her. But it's almost as if she wants him to call her. Agh. Oh, the relationships these days. -sigh- Jen now has a boyfriend, Greppo. I don't know why.. blah moms here, later March 7, 2004.
Okay, well, I didn't go to sleep until 4 or so, I had to finish that book, I really didn't like the ending though, to tell you the truth, in her other book I didn't like it too much either. But yeah. I woke up, went to the barn, started doing stalls but then Mary came, told me to go have some fun while they did the work. I went out to get Rocky, and brought him out, and rode him bareback up the hills and then I went back to the back of the barn. Yes, we sat and talked again. It was really warm out in the sun, and Rocky's such a doofball, but I love him. Oh yes, we talked quite a bit, I knew he was listening, and yes, he was talking back. Not in a physical way, but, I guess you just know when they are. So after we sat there, I rode him over to my moms blazer, got off and rummaged through the backseat for a carrot. Meanwhile Rocky is staring at himself in the window, he's so vain. I realized my car seat said Jimmy on it and I was just like -slouch-. I stared at it for a couple minutes and realized Rocky was still standing in the same spot staring at himself, he's such a fool. I took his bridle off and brought him out to the field and gave him his carrot and let him go. He kind of just stood there and gave me this sombre look like he was upset that I made him go. I love him, hehe. We went to Wendy's for our Horse health record crap. AGH. JON IM GOING TO KILL YOU. Jon is so annoying, lmao, he kept tugging on my ponytail on purpose. Okay, so I messed up his 'do but, hey, live with it lmao. I brought up the thirty hour famine and the kids were like =0 We went over this printscreening crap, unfortunetly Victoria's friend can only do it in black, it's so weird. I thought you were supposed to be able to do other colors? Oh well. We went to Crossgates, picked up something at Klein's for my ankle, went to Hot Topic, since they have LOTR shirts, bought a merry and pippin shirt and went to Filenes to get this cardigan sweater for the dance friday. Came home, did homework.. yeah. I desperately need to get hours for community service in. I won't be able to make it into National Junior Honor Society if I don't have any hours. Argh. Track starts tomorrow, I'm sure it won't be anything big, but.. idk. I don't know if my ankle will last, it didn't even heal right. I have that from like, 2:30-4, then jazz from 4-6. Tuesday I think I'm missing jazz because A Kiwanis dinner with jenny, we have to prsent this quilt that leah and amy made. Yeah. I don't understand we are having this rehearsals like crazy..I'm getting my braces tightened yet again this wednesday. It's terrible, he wants to put a brace on my one tooth and pull it down. Agh, the baby tooth didn't even come out yet, wtf is he doing? Agh, I want to punch the dude in the face so much and ask him if he really knows what the fuck he's been doing because I'm really getting sick and tired of it, all my friends got their friggen braces on after me, and off before me, and I'm sitting here, with braces on for almost 6 years no and no change whatsoever. Ugh. I'm pissed off. later.
March 06, 2004.
I just realized that this is on hothobbit88 and not illusivehope, odd. Well, I went to the barn today, nothing different really. Well, I went up the hill and just sat there and talked to Rocky about Jimmy. Sounds kind of corny, but Rocky listens, except for occasional buck or scoot somewhere. I don't know, it's fun being by myself on that hill, it just feels right for some reason. But yes, I thought about Jimmy quite a bit, but I'm not going to get into that. I went to Rosita's party at Jenny's house for a while, Jenny got me the poodle skirt for Sadie Hawkin's Friday. I can't wait, this is the first dance I actually want to go to. My mom was like "Who are you going to ask?" Duh, nobody because every single freakin' guy from my school is so stupid. Ahem. Yes. Lmao, Alison and I were discussin Darren and his hotness at Rosita's party, quite funny, I think he's bisexual, really. But yes. Idk. I came back from being away after going to Barne's and Noble, I got another book by that one author, it's called blood and chocolate, about some werewolf girl or something. But yes. Curiosity really has it out for me.
When the world was looking dark
It felt so cold and grey
And why the hell am I even here
What's the purpose, all I feel is guilt and hate and fear
'Til that day you came along
My heart was empty
Like the soul was missing from a song
And I thought I'd loved a few
No one ever made me feel
The way that you do
Hey little girl
Look what you do
Oh, I love you
Hey little girl, I love you
Well I know I'm not always right
And girl it breaks my heart
When I have to see you cry
So many things I wanna say
Now I know that you're the reason
That I'm here today . . ."
Yeah, that's his profile. AGH. I talked to Rebecca today, she's like the only one I can talk to anymore, Kaitlin, I haven't talked to her in a long time(according to me, really, not since january maybe?) and Mickele really couldn't care less about me. It's like, I'm only a friend if I do something good for her, it's kind of annoying. She'd be like "Oh he's probably some child molester and tell my mom or something. Or most likely talk and talk about Zach.
To you, if you read this, I can't stop thinking that it's my fault, there's no one to put any blame on. I love you, I really do. Now that everyone thinks I'm an idiot, I'm going.
March 05, 2004.
Yeah. I'm here. No, I have not gotten of Frodo, stupid mom. Well, I went to go see "Hidalgo" with my mom. Moriah and Sue were there, but we didn't sit near them. Sergio and Sandra showed up, and we ended up sitting in front of them. It was quite a cool movie, actually, Viggo really was great in it. You'd think that you'd be so use to him as Aragorn, it's odd really. But he did great in it, I loved the horse who played Hidalgo, he was so friggen adorable. But yeah. There was this pretty cute kid there, no not Darren, but he was there too. But of course, when I thought of him something raked at the back of my mind, and I was just like, Jimmy. Meh. Yeah. Jimmy. I don't know. My mom asked me why I was so miserable, but I wonder why? Just last night, I felt like my heart was ripped to shreds. Why? Jimmy. Meh.
Thru: i wish i could be with you but if i were to be, i'm so afraid something would happen and you'd end up hurt
Thru: and i don't want you hurt
Thru: the meeting you thing was just me wishing that perhaps someday there'd be some possibility of us . . . somehow . . .
Thru: that's just me being foolish though
And that's when I wished I had died right then and there. I don't know, why are guys so, unfaithful? I understand he doesn't live here, But I don't know anymore. It's just like everyone else has someone else, BUT me. Dustin came in to my gym class again, I don't know why, he's been acting really odd lately. First he thought I was annoyed with him, which to tell you the truth I really think I am. Yeah, Darren, agh he's just like so hot, in a skinny, scrawny, pale guy way. He has like, no butt whatsoever. But yeah, moving on... Track starts Monday, I don't even get to go home, because I have Jazz from 4-6. I'm going to be starving. Troy looks awesome, Mmm, can't wait. Well, I think that's all for now. Later.