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I have also started a newsletter to keep people informed when a NEW address is added. If you would like to be informed, please subscribe below.

November 1
Halloween was pretty uneventful here, only one kid showed up. Guess it could have to do with living in the country :-). Mom was in a bad mood again, I know it isn't because of a lack of sleep or rest, she has gotten plenty of both. Actually, she is acting pretty much like she used to, pre AD, always in a bad mood and complaining about everything. Oh well, she is finally in bed so I can relax a little. My grand-daughters spent the night with me, they looked so cute in their costumes and boy did they get a lot of candy to share with grandma. I notice I made a lot of mistakes on the Oct.31st page, guess I was still stressed out when I did it or perhaps my fingers just went on vacation along with my brain or perhaps the boogie man took it, actually I think I may have had/do have sleep deprivation going on here. ö

November 2
Yesterday was pretty good. My grand-daughters spent Halloween night with me and we had fun, although, Jaide was still on school schedule and got up at 7:00am. My brother, Danny, came down and will be here now through New years. It will be nice to have him around for awhile, Robert and Crystal are moving. They are renting the house up back of me. I do the property management for the owners and they said they could rent it. It is the one that Kathy and her mom have. Virginia is moving out this month, she can't handle living there anymore without Kathy, I worry so about her. It will be nice having them so close. Mom was happy to see Danny. I went in and woke her and told her he was here, she got right up. She stayed in a good mood all day. My friend Hollie came up to visit too and brought corned beef, cabbage and potatoes to fix for dinner. GREAT meal.

November 3
Yesterday was good. Everyone had been up late the night before so we all slept in, including mom. She was in a good mood when she got up, joking around with us. She was glad to see that Danny was still here. She went to bed without trouble at 12:30am and slept through the night. Robert worked his first graveyard shift last night, he really enjoyed it . Crystal works hers tonight so, she stayed up all night last night so she would be able to sleep today. I guess our sleeping in was too much for Danny and I because we didn't even go to bed until 5:00 this morning. Mom and Danny are still sleeping, think I'll let them (Danny) stay in bed so that he won't be tired while HE takes care of mom for me *SMILE*.

November 4
Boy, I have been trying to get in here all day. Geocities has been down and I couldn't access Netscape either. What a day. We had a good day yesterday, I went up town and took care of some business, got the drive belt for my washer and had coffee. Mom didn't get up until 3:00pm but, she was in a good mood when she did. We just sat around and talked and watched t.v.. It was nice and quiet. She went to bed at 10:30 on her own, I however stayed up until 2:30am talking on the phone. I almost have my washer fixed, the new belt is on but now it won't spin. I'll have to deal with that tomorrow, I'm too sore tonight.

November 5
Yesterday was a very lazy day. I put the belt on the washer but, I never could really wake up, I was so tired all day. I am finally back sleeping in a BED, I'm off the floor, after 2 1/2 years. Kathy left me her new bed and a new couch, her mom had us get them the other day. Mom was good all day. She has been in a good mood again lately. The sun is out for awhile today so I am going to see about getting her out of the house for a little. She is feeling a lot better and her cold is pretty much gone , so I think it would be O.K. to go out.

November 6
Mom stayed awake late last night. She went to bed early but, just laid in there watching t.v. I went to bed at 3am and she was still awake. She got up at noon yesterday so I thought she would be real tired, wrong. I spent this morning trying to fix my washer, the belt is too loose and the bolt to loosen the motor is frozen and I'll be darned if I can loosen it and , repair guys want $45 for 1/2 hour to come out. Forget that, I'll just hold Sunday services at it will come loose by golly.

November 7
UGH!! I spent most of yesterday doing the washer and it still doesn't work. I finally tightened the belt, now it agitates but won't spin. I really feel like Laura Ingalls, except I get to wash out the clothes in the tub rather than a stream :-). Mom got up a noon yesterday, again in a good mood. She still isn't taking her meds. and really seems a lot better. She knows where she is most of the time and knew that Danny wasn't here because he is working with my friend Hollie, she didn't have to be reminded. She got up out of her chair at 11:30, said goodnight and proceeded to take herself to bed. Her cold is gone, she is eating well and even asked for a bath today, shocking I know.

November 8
Mom didn't get up yesterday until about 3:00pm, she was only up until 4:15 and went back to bed. She said she didn't feel well and wanted to get into bed, she stayed in there until 8:00pm. She was awake the whole time, just watching t.v. and resting. She didn't want much to eat for dinner or even a snack. She went back to bed at midnight and is still sleeping. She doesn't have a fever or seem sick, just doesn't feel well, maybe she'll be better today. My washer is still down so I am going to the laundry after Danny gets up. My foot hurts from kicking the darn thing, well it works in the cartoons.

November 9
Yesterday was good. Mom was in a good mood when she got up. Still happy that Danny is here. She went with me to get dinner last night and really enjoyed getting out of the house. It is sunny today and kinda warm so we are going to go for a short drive after she takes her shower. Robert and Crystal are enjoying their job except for all the sick people there are. There is a lot of flu going around and a lot of people that HAVEN'T called in sick that should. Life seems good today.

November 10
Mom got up early yesterday, 11:30am. She has been doing very good. She still gets confused but, it isn't as bad as it had been. Sometimes she can't differentiate between her dreams and reality but, it doesn't take as long to bring her around again. Her recall has improved, now she will mention grandma and say, "Oh, That's right, she's gone isn't she." Some of her short term memory is back, not all by any means, but some. I do feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to fall, however, I am enjoying this time with mom, regardless of what may happen.

November 11
Mom slept in late yesterday, she didn't get up until 5:00pm and was pretty confused. Her confusion lasted all night, however, she was laughing about how silly she was being, laughing at her confusion instead of letting it get her. She stayed up until midnight then decided that she would go to bed since I would be in the next room, she came in twice to check on me. I had a strange night, I usually don't remember my dreams but, the one I had last night awoke me. I don't recall the dream itself, just woke up from it and felt very uneasy. I had an overwhelming sense of dread and guilt. I couldn't shake it. It was freezing in my room. I turned on the lamp, got up and turned up the heater and crawled back in bed, trying to go back to sleep but it wouldn't come to me. My dogs were even restless, whining. After awhile I decided to just get up, no reason to just lay there. I checked on mom and she was fine, sleeping all curled up, Danny was sound asleep as well. Robert and Crystal had called in to work because they are both really sick, I checked on them and they were fine too. I still can't shake this sense of foreboding.

November 12
I worked outside most of yesterday, planting my bulb garden and doing some fall clean up, it was a beautiful day. I thought that working outside would help shake the feelings I had but it didn't work, I had them all day to the point of actually having the hair on my neck stand, weird. Never have I had this strong a feeling of doom. I kept checking on mom since she had decided to stay in bed most of the day. She was fine, just felt warm and cozy in bed watching t.v., she did get up around 3:00 and stayed up until 12:30am. I had over done myself in the yard, so I wasn't getting around much better than she does, I swear my back has gone out more in the past 13 years than I have. Mom was cute, being the mommy, she was worried about me because she could tell I was in pain, she wanted to wait on me hand and foot. She did get me some coffee, I pretended to let her help me out of the chair which made her feel good. She was in a good mood all evening. Mom, Danny and I watched Ransom with Mel Gibson, mom really watched it instead of staring at the tube.

November 13
Yesterday was a good, laid back day. I felt much better when I got, my back was fine after a night on the heating pad and my sense of dread was gone. Mom was a happy camper too, and I do mean that literally. She thought she had been out camping and had a wonderful time.§:-Þ She stayed in a good mood all day, although she was pretty confused the entire time. She has started taking her night time meds. again, at her request. She doesn't like the dreams she has because they confuse her and scare her, so. We are going to the laundromat today, my washer is still broken, I really must win the lottery!! I was able to go to my friend Joyce's house in the evening. She has finally come ONLINE and I was helping her get set up. Of course, once she starts surfing around no telling when I'll actually talk to her. *SMILE*

November 14
Today makes one year since I started recording my journal on the Internet. There have been a lot of changes that have taken place and a lot that has remained the same. As I sit and reflect on this past year I find myself being very thankful. I thank God for allowing me to be here for my mother and I thank Him for being here for me. The strength, courage, wisdom, hope and humor that I have gained from taking care of my mother is more than I could have received without her. As a child I was deprived of these because our family structure was flawed. The strength that came to me then was from need and the courage to see it through because there was no choice, the wisdom came from making mistakes, there was no humor, no hope. This time around mom has in her own way given me the lessons that she was unable to give me then. I have developed strength of character from love not need, courage to see it through by choice not a lack of it, wisdom through learning and accepting the changes, there is humor, there is hope but, most importantly there is unconditional love. There has not been one night that she has gone to bed without telling me that she loves me, she may not have recognized me for most of the day yet, she has always known that she is safe with me. All of the toils and troubles that we had seem so distant, so unimportant. I have learned to value my mother for what she is, another human being. She, like all of us, has many hats; mom, daughter, sister, grandma, aunt, woman, senior citizen, Alzheimer's patient, but more than any of these she is a Human Being first and foremost. Thank you mother for having me, raising me, loving me and allowing to love you.

November 15
Yesterday was a good day. I got my washer fixed and for only $53.00, the ball bearing must have dropped out when I changed the belt and that was why it wouldn't spin. I spent all night doing laundry. I had the Goodwill come up and get all the stuff left over from the garage sale, now I can get the garage cleaned out. Mom and I went up town for a little awhile and picked up my brother from Hollie's house. She enjoyed getting out. She was in a very good mood, there was a van in front of us, mom noted that it had an easy license number to remember, she laughed and said for someone that has a memory at least. When we got back home she asked me if this was my house, I told her yes mom, this is where we live, she started laughing again and said,"Hell, take me around the block and I get lost. Think nothing of it." My grand-daughters came up to visit for awhile last night, they were in goofy moods which kept my mom going. She was tickling them and they her. She told them I had let her out of jail by taking her up town. It really was a good day.

November 16
I don't know if mom is just in a better frame of mind lately or if it's me but she has been great. We had fun again yesterday. She went with me to get Danny again and was being goofy the whole time. My grand-daughters came up to visit last night too, and she was playing with them and having a good time. She even let them watch t.v. in her room, by themselves and didn't worry about what was being stolen. I have been spending a lot of time in the support chat rooms and have made many new friends, it is a pleasure to have others to talk with. Sometimes we talk about our common problems other times it is just chatting about what ever. Great fun. I finally have all the laundry caught up, today I tackle the house.

November 17
Mom slept all day yesterday. I tried to get her up several times but she wouldn't, she finally did get up at 5:30pm. She was pretty confused thinking she was in a Nursing Home, upstairs and they were going to get mad at her for missing lunch and probably wouldn't feed her dinner as punishment. I told her not to worry because I would feed her if they wouldn't, this made her happy. She got a little better after she came into the living room, familiar surroundings to her. She stayed up until 1:30am, we watched Steven Kings 'Night Flier' on HBO. I used to worry about her watching those types movies but she has always loved them, she used to read scary books before going to bed. My son, David and the girls came up again last night, they were here for several hours. Kali, the little one, got Granny to read to her. It amazes me that mom not only can still read to them but really loves doing it. Mom is getting repetitive in her questions again and her desire to go home is stronger. I have discover that my house is the problem. We never really lived in very nice houses when I was young and mom was living in a studio apartment when she moved in with me, now this house isn't all that but it is pretty nice and mom can't accept that we really live here because it is nice, so she always thinks we are just visiting someone.

November 18
Yesterday was about the same as the day before. Mom slept in until 4:15pm and only got up because I kept going through her room so she couldn't sleep. She was in a good mood though. I really feel the lack of medications is helping her. She isn't drowsy all the time anymore, she is more interactive with people and more social, she wants to be more involved with conversations. She is just as confused as she ever was but, more alert. She is looking forward to Thanksgiving and my brothers birthday the following day, she wants to pick out the cake.

November 19
I have posted a new page, it is about my town, Longview, Wa. If you would like to check it out.
Mom was really weak when she got up yesterday. She wasn't confused or anything, just very weak. It was hard for her walk but she was fine as the night went on. She didn't have much of an appetite either. She didn't appear sick or anything. She heard on the news that we are expecting a very strong wind storm and it made her nervous, but she slept pretty well. The wind has started and the rain is here. My brother and Hollie went up to Seattle today so I hope mom sleeps in. I don't do wind very good because we have a lot of very old, tall Douglas fir trees around the house.

November 20
Yesterday was terrible. Mom didn't get up until 5:00pm, my ISP was down all day, then my phone line went down until just now! I had nothing to do but house work, YUCK..Mom was happy when she woke up, she had a good dream about meeting some guy and going on a date with him, lucky her!! Danny and Hollie didn't get back from Seattle until almost 6:00. The weather is really bad, windy with gusts up to 70mph and lots of rain. Robert and Crystal are up back getting their new house situated. They are going to move their stuff tomorrow. It will be nice for them to have their own place but it will seem strange. My older boy, David got a new job, he is now working for Reynolds Metal here in Longview. After all these years of trying to get on there he finally made it. HURRAY

November 21
Yesterday was crazy. I got mom up at 9:00am so I could shampoo her carpet, Danny helped me move her stuff into my room so I could get the whole thing. Hollie and his friend Gene came over and did the electric rewiring for me, they were here all day. Mom stayed up until 11:45pm and didn't even fall asleep in her chair, of course the noise may have helped. Robert and Crystal got completely moved out and set up the house, now it is just me and mom and Danny for awhile longer. It will be strange when everyone is gone, I'm 43 and have always had others living with me.

November 22
Yesterday was O.K. Mom didn't get up until 5:00pm again. I really thought she might get back on schedule but she hasn't. I spent the day cleaning house, thrilling. I am going to my grand-daughters school today, they are having a bazaar and I promised I would buy something to help get their playground covered. I am going to bring her back with me to visit for a few hours. I have posted her new school picture also. The rains are back but no wind this time.

November 23
We had fun yesterday. Mom slept in until 4:00pm but got up in a good mood because I told her we were having company later. My friend Betty, her fella, son, daughter and her boyfriend, Hollie and his friend Gene, came up to watch the Foreman fight on HBO with us. Mom was happy to see them. We have known them for years and mom and Betty had been good friends. They sat and talked, so did mom and Betty's son. Mom was having fun, she enjoyed the fight although the winner they proclaimed mad her mad. She was getting a little nervous towards the end of things. My brother watched mom for me and I went out with everyone after the fights, we danced a lot, drank a little and had a great time. It felt good to be out with people instead of in the house all the time.

November 24
I didn't do much yesterday, mom had been up a lot during the night, a change in routine. My brother had watched her the night before and put to her to bed, not me, this caused her to be very confused about things, where she was, who he was and why her 'mom' wasn't there to put her to bed. When I got home she was still roaming around, she finally went to sleep around 4:00am. She stayed in bed until late afternoon and was confused when she got up, she was happy to see that I had found out where she was. Last night was pretty good for her, my grand-daughters came up for several hours. Jaide was sick and mom kept trying to mother her. Mom was pretty calm the entire evening and went to bed on her own at 11:30pm.

November 25
I spent yesterday cleaning house and waiting for mom to get up. She stayed in bed until 6:00pm and was very confused when she got up. I told her I had to go to the store and get Thanksgiving stuff and really confused her. Danny watched her while I went shopping. I spent today rearranging my house and getting some stuff fixed for Turkey Day. We are celebrating tomorrow because everyone else is working Thursday. Talk about really confusing mom.

November 26
We had fun yesterday. Mom got up at noon, had lunch, took communion and helped me wash dishes. I got all the stuff ready for our dinner today and mom watched, she even made sure I did it right. She was in a really good although confused mood. After changing around the house she thought we had moved back to the place we lived before. She went to bed at 10:00pm by herself and slept through the night. I was so tired from working all day that I slept like a log. I have to get the bird in to cook now, everyone is going to be here around 3:00 and my daughter-in-laws are bringing stuff too. I think we will have a great day.

November 27

Today I give thanks for all the wonderful days of my life, for my children, daughter-in-laws and grandchildren, for my friends, for the sunny day, for not burning the turkey, for love and happiness, for endurance, for courage to endure, for broad shoulders, open ears and mind, for getting the parking space, for the roof over my head even though it leaks, but most of all for giving me my mother for one for celebration.

I wish you all a bountiful, happy and loving day.

November 28
Mom had a really good time Wednesday. We celebrated Thanksgiving then because of my boys having to work Thursday. I thought she would be really confused but, I explained it to her and she understood and remembered. The food was really good if I do say so myself. We had a lot of leftovers so we actually had another turkey dinner yesterday. Mom slept in until 5:00pm, the weather was dry although very cold so I spent the day pruning back my roses, racking leaves and putting up some of my outdoor Christmas lights. I'm going to finish them today but it's raining again. Today is my brothers 50th birthday and he is sick. He came down with a clod that he probably got from my grand-daughter Jaide. He went back and forth to bed yesterday. I am baking him a cake later and having the family over for cake an ice cream. Mom is mad because we can't have a big 'wammer' for him but I explained that none of us drink anymore so we don't need all that, it satisfied her. I have been having trouble with my ISP. They have major problems with their system and it won't be fixed until next week, so if you have sent me an e-mail please know that I will answer it as soon as possible. I have nearly 36 letters that I haven't been able to answer because I can't send anything right now. I promise I will though.

November 29
Yesterday was O.K. Danny wasn't feeling very well so we didn't have a big party or nothing. David and his family came up for several hours, did laundry and ate cake and ice cream. Robert and Crystal didn't come down because they had to work and were sleeping. Mom kept forgetting just who's birthday it was, the day/date and wanting to know why she missed Thanksgiving. It wasn't quite the kind of 50th birthday party I would have like to give my brother but he didn't mind. Still... I'll just be glad when the holidays are over. They are so stressful for me that they become a burden rather than a joy, this year especially, money is just to tight to be able to give gifts like I want to and I hate to just 'settle' for what I can afford. I know, quit complaining. I had this vision or what ever you want to call it, come to me last night, I was cursing Alzheimer's because mom was being so confused and repetitive that it was getting on my nerves. I was hating Alzheimer's and what it has done to me and my family, when all of a sudden mom got up to go to the potty, came to me, gave me a big kiss, told me she loved me and wouldn't know what to do without me!! I said to myself, "How dare I curse this disease and hate it so. Look at all it has given me." I know this sounds crazy as most of you know I have never felt this way but I got to thinking and it is true. The one thing I refused to give thanks for is the one thing I should give my heart felt thanks for. Alzheimer's has allowed me to love my mother and receive love back from her, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. For some it takes years to find that, it did me and here Alzheimer’s has given it to me. How ironic.

November 30
GOSH. I am sick again, I got everyone else's cold. I knew I was getting sick Friday night. I couldn't go to sleep and stayed up until 6:00 Saturday morning, slept off and on all day yesterday and couldn't go to bed until 4:00 am this morning. Mom slept until 9:00 last night, my fault, I just didn't try to wake her because I was feeling terrible. She got up had dinner and watched t.v. with me and Danny all night. I have been sleeping in my room lately but, I am going to start sleeping on the floor again, MOM WAS UP in the living room when I got up and appears to have been up for awhile. It scares me to think I didn't even hear her and wouldn't have heard her if she had of left out the door. She is going on about her mom today, when did she die, why wasn't she told, where is she buried etc. This happens every holiday.

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