My Journal
September - 2000
Please Read : Our Plea
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Things are actually going pretty good right now. Mom is doing good, although she is getting more cinfused lately, her health is still good anyway. My brother and I are doing fine now and he is doing a good job taking care of mom. He had to get stitches on his right index finger though so I am helping too (carefully). We had our first real rain in a long time, it felt great and was welcome by me.
September 2nd
September 3rd
September 4th
September 5th
September 6th
September 7th September 8th September 9th
September 15th September 21st September 29th
I put out some jars in several places where I have either worked or go to often in hopes of getting some donations and they are being used! We are going to have a spagehetti feed rather than a rib fest on the 24th and this money will buy the food, I think it is going to be great. I am feeling pretty well although I am bored. I can't work outside and have to be careful not to get cut, fall or bruised because of my platelets so.. and truthfully I just don't feel like doing house work right.
I went down and collected $55.00 from the jars today, Safeway is having a sale on noodles, sauce and hot dogs so I bought alot. Gosh I didn't expect to have so much. Mom is doing great. She has gained so much weight, she weighs 146 pounds, 22 pound gain since June 1st. Her appetite has always been good for me but I know how she likes her food.
We didn't do anything today, it was one of those days, raining, windy and just yucky.
Today was about the same as yesterday. Mom is doing fine, singing her heart out and trying to do things for me. She was a mess today when my brother got her up and he had to give her a shower again, he is getting pretty good at doing that, he also had to clean the carpet in spots, glad it was him and not me. I think mom had eaten something that didn't agree with her and got the poops from it because she is fine now.
I did some running around today, errands and stuff. I think we are in for a wet winter, feels like atumn is already here. I am so anxious about Seattle, I want it to be over and done with, I really don't want to be away from home Christmas. I get my CBC done tomorrow morning to make see if my blood counts are o.k. so I can see the dentist on Friday, I sure hope they are for more reasons than just the dentist.
My blood counts are fine, that means I can see the dentist but it also means I will get my chemo next Wednesday, I have been worried about it being so long between rounds. I wonder what this appointment will really be like Tuesday, what they will do or say etc. They already have all my reports to rewiew before I get there, I just don't want them to say No.
I just got back from the dentist, NO CAVITIES, hurray. I got my teeth clean though and have to have shots because they were so sensitive so now I am drooling all over, actually my bottom lip feels like it has a hole in it. LOL.
Betty was here today for mom so I went out for awhile. My grand-daughters both started soccer today and it was their Jamboree. Mom has been doing pretty good, she has been complaining about her left arm hurting her a lot and numerous other aches and pains. When she is sleeping she quite often moans or yells out 'ouch' so I know it is real pain. Last night I gave her one of my pain pills before bed(I know I shouldn't of but she has had the same ones prescribed befor so) and she slept all night without any trouble or moaning. She was feeling really good when she got up this morning and took her bath. She goes to the doctor on the 14th for a complete physical too.
Now that I have time to catch up I will. I went to Seattle last Tuesday as planned. I learned what it was like to be optimistic and have that turned into terror. The doctor I saw said that my mortality rate for just surviving the transplant was 25% and if I do make it through the transplant my chance of remission is only 20%. However, if I didn’t have the transplant she would only give me at the most 2 more years with a 95% chance that the cancer will come back, more aggressive and anywhere it wanted to come back to with in 6 months. They would give me chemo daily, not to eradicate the cancer but to control its rate of growth and my pain level and my chance of living for 3 years is only 5%. So, here I am with my son David sitting in the parking garage just bawling, both of us. 2 years, WOW. I have far too much to do yet for that to be a reality. They have only done 4 other people with Small Cell Lung Cancer in the last 5 years and one of them is already dead. I am going to take the chance with the transplant, I would rather go out fighting like hell than to just let the cancer have its way. I go up there on October 5th to stay for at least 4 months. When we got home I had everyone come up at the same time so we wouldn't have to tell about it more than once, my poor little grand-daughters were devastated to think that I might die, They have started a penny drive at their school for me and are saying extra special praers for me. I have just had my last dose of chemo for this round, I am doing pretty good from it so far although I am very tired. Mom is going to have to be placed on the 20th instead of on the first. The NH only has the one bed empty and can only hold it that long. I guess in it a way that is fine, it will give me some time to do what I want without mom being around. I will still visit her but the daily stuff won’t be there. Our local newspaper fund out about me and came to interview me, the article is going to be in Sundays paper, my bald headed picture included. LOL. We are getting a lot of things donated for the fund raiser raffle/auction. It sounds like it will be fun too.
So sorry for not updating sooner, my brother has been on the phone non-stop getting all sorts of donations for our fund-raiser this Sunday. Boy are there a lot of great things, I am overwhelmed with all the community support we have received. I have placed mom in the same NH as before. She went in yesterday because they only had one female bed left and I wanted her there so. She went right in to play Bingo, when I checked on her last night they said she was in having her regular coffee clutch with the gals, guess she is doing better than I did. I had to get fluids yesterday so it was a long day for me and very trying and I am still getting the tummy shots. Today I had a Pulmonary Function Test as part of my Pre-Transplant Workup, I have loads of other tests scheduled this week and next.
So many things have happened since I last updated. We had the fund-raiser on the 24th. I
was so excited, we had so many things donated for the raffle and auction and in-kind stuff
and the food, my goodness was there ever a lot. I really got such a strong feeling of
community, the old fashion neighbor helping neighbor kind of community spirit but you
know, the only people that showed up were my family, my close friends and friends of
other members of the family. There were very few community members that came, you
know, strangers, ex-co-workers, etc. We had fun though and did manage to gather $1100
dollars, which is great but all of it could have meant so much more. Yes, the money is
definitely needed but the non-financial support of strangers is so important. Having
someone you don’t even know pat you on the back and tell you they are thinking of you
and praying for you, the encouragement you get from that sort of thing is priceless. Well
anyway, it’s over now and I am thankful for those that did attend, money or not to show
me they cared. I had mom there for only a few minutes. She had an accident (diarrhea)
and I had no pads to change her into or clean clothes so I had to take her back to the NH. I
did go off on them and asked why she had such a bad rash there and why she hadn’t had
her Imodium. I felt this was the last time that mom and I could be together like this before
I go up north and it was ruined. I did apologize the next day for being so emotional about
it. I have also found out that the entire procedure is out patient unless I present myself in
need of hospitalization. This is very scary to me. I know how sick I got last year just from
the chemo and having low counts, I can’t imagine being taken to absolute zero with very
strong chemo and left to fend for myself. I have gotten my Will, Health Directive and
POA taken care of, that was mind blowing too. Crystal might be having the baby before I
go. She is borderline Toximic, dilated to two and having some mild contractions off and
on. Her doctor said if the baby is fully developed Wednesday when she has her ultra
sound that they will induce her. My brother has left, he is back in California again. He did
so much work with mom and the fund-raiser, it wouldn’t of happened if not for him. At
any rate, we are all doing well here.
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