Kristen's Story

About a week before school got out, my eigth grade year, I got really upset. I knew I was going to have a bad, boring summer, I felt it coming on. My life just wasn't going the way I wanted it to, not at all. I always hated the way my friends couldn't take criticizm, constructive that is. I am the kind of person who likes to be told what people like and don't like about me, unfortunately, I was and still am the only person like that, that I know of.

One day, in an email, I told my bestfriend that I thought she acted kind of stuck up, like she was better than everyone around her. I didn't say she was, but she took it extremely harsh- and blew up on me. But, it wasn't only me who had said it, in fact, I didn't know many people who thought otherwise. Of course, we got into a huge fight that night, she took it way worse than I had intended.

All of a sudden, another friend jumped in a started chewing me out, defending my best friend. Awhile later, Another friend got on ICQ, and blew up at me for something else, a problem we had solved before, but she had extended. After a couple of hours of crap, I couldn't handle it anymore. I was already in tears, I think all of us were. Nobody understood what anybody else was talking about, we had completely confused ourselves. Finally I said to my best friend, (name) WELL YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, I'LL BE GONE ANYWAYS, or something like that. She flipped out, and threatened to call my parents, yeah, that's what I needed, I hate them anyways. She told another friend of mine, who I had talked out of suicide before.

She tried to help me, whatever, nothing was working, I was scared almost to death. My friends all hated me, I hated them, and nothing was going my way. After awhile of them saying "you'll be okay" and all that stuff, I asked another friend "Have you ever thought of suicide?" I can honestly say that was the right thing to do. She immediately knew what was going on, and didn't panic. She just told me to talk it out, and stuff like that.

Then, after awhile, a guy friend of mine got on. My friend who had started helping me told him I was feeling down, and to talk to me, but not until the next day did she tell me that she had told him to talk to me. He totally helped me out. We joked around for an hour or two about all kinds of stuff-infomercials, marketing our own special 'sun block'- "comp block," writing books with "monica lewinsky" in the title, and tons more. He made me laugh, for the first time in about a week, and it felt so good. He unknowingly made me realize I had so much ahead of me, something that I think only he could have done at that time.

Anyways, after my friend had told me that she told him to talk to me, that I was down, I wrote him a letter, explaining to him what was wrong with me that night, and I gave it to him at school that monday (this whole thing happened on a saturday). After that he wrote me another letter that said he couldn't say anything like "it'll go away" or "things will get better," because he knew it didn't work that way, that things like that are pointless. That meant so much to me, and you know what? That's exactly what I needed to hear. So, to Matthew, Karyn, Kaylee and Mel- Thanks a bunch, it means so much to me.

Love Kristen.

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