| Train Derails Krajicek by Dave Wilson, tennis coresspondent of samprasfanz September 7, 2000, Flushing Meadow Rooters Report Richard Krajicek was killed last night, slain in a freak runaway train accident. He was playing a superb quarterfinal match against the greatest player in tennis, when a sudden burst of bullet locomotion flattened his 6'5" frame. Eyewitness accounts are still pouring in, but it's safe to say that while he must have seen it coming, there was little he could do to save himself. ATP spokesman Ableton Frushworthy had no explanation for the frightening appearance of the high speed engine that thundered through Flushing Meadows. "I checked my time tables, but no train was scheduled. In the past, the tournament has had trouble with airplanes, but never trains." Rumors of Foul Play "I don't want to point any fingers, but I think it was Pete Sampras", a USTA official confided under condition of anonymity. "Sometimes he just pulls that whistle and red lights be damned! I always said someone could get hurt and last night someone did." John McEnroe, on hand only because he mistakenly believed that Agassi was still playing, thought the train looked suspicious as well. "Trains today use diesel fuel, it's so boring. I say, go back to wood-burning combustion to get those babies humming." The New York Police Department was called in, but so far has found little evidence of wrong doing. "We've reviewed some tapes and spoke to most of the folks in the stadium at the time of death. We have no reason to believe that anyone broke the law. Quite honestly, I would be surprised if we turn up anything other than a good ol' fashioned butt whoopin,'" announced Lt. Kuntryboy Indasitty of the NYPD Public Relations Department. For the record, the USTA has assured fans and players that the tournament will continue. "The USTA was fond of Richard Krajicek as were a lot of people around the world. It is in his name that the matches continue. He would have wanted it that way," said USTA President Dooble Nabadunk as she wiped away tears. A memorial service is planned, and a trust fund has been established for victims of training. |
| Rooters Report is a news spoof ... don't take what you read here seriously. |