acbar

Let moi explain... Acbar is the only living relative of Queen Elizabeth. Not to put down Acbar. Ha ha. No seriously. I love the queen. Please don't send the media to chase my car. I may be killed. You never know... Don't want to be like that fish in the river. Speaking of rivers, have you ever read that book... What's it called... The Yellow River by I. P. Upstream? Speaking of Upstream, Did you hear about Borsk Fey'lya... turns out he's a Wookie in a Bothan costume. I mean what is our government coming to?!! It's getting so that decent people can't ocasionaly rent a Bothan costume and pretend to be good politicians and world leaders. Not to put down Acbar. Yes, he's a Wookie too. Rumor has it when he took off his costume, he showed all the people around him, himself without any fur on!! He is still in jail for indecent exposure. My friends and I have decided that this makes him an Woo---, half a Wookie. You may have noticed that the picture below has absolutely nothing to do with Wookies. Not to put down Acbar. That's right my friends, turns out that he is actually a tauntaun in a Woo-- costume in a fish costume. Yes your suspicions are correct, All Mon Cal's are really tauntauns in Woo-- costumes in fish costumes. Speaking of fish, let me introduce me. I am Grand Adm.... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. I almost revealed to you that I am really Grand Admiral Thraw-.... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. I almost revealed to you that I am really Grand Admiral Thrawn.... ooops I did it again, I played with your heart... I... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper

Okay, I know for a fact that the following is true:
I have a time machine.
There that is all that will happen in episode II.
I will be in Episode II with my time machine and I will use it to make sure good ol' Palpy makes me a Grand Admiral. Palpy is not smart. He shall never be a good leader, ya know? You probably don't. Palpy will become this cool Emperor guy. I know, because I have seen somewhere that there is an Emperor named Plapy. Emperor Plapy will indeed be his name. He will send me to strategize (something I love to do day in and day out). I shall "strategize" a new plan to rid the galaxy of Jedi (some little pest vermin that run around with these really STUPID light sticks and they hit people with them). Poor people! So, I'm guessing there will be another Darth. Duh! What is a Star Wars movie without a Darth. It's nothing!!!! That is why the Ewok Adventure movies are not Star Wars movies. I can't believe that poor little girl's family got blasted by a bunch of Stormtroopers with cheap costumes. I have costumes. I have this Hoth survival... never mind, I'm kicking a dead Tauntaun with pointed shoes. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside! Yes, there will be a couple of Tauntauns. Yes, a COUPLE of Tauntauns in Episode II. They've only been going out for a week. Jace Windu will be transported back in time to save the Jedi, but Jaina will come and kill him because of her hypnosis that came from Vada the Beta. (Ask Jaina, I'm too lazy to explain). May I keep this story. Bye, alligator.

If a caveman decided that he was King Kong and he started beating his chest SO hard that his fists ripped through and punched his heart to death, then we would see the spawning of a new life form; the semi-human. The semi-human is much like a human, except it is only half (ie: semi=half). Is that "ie." Or is it "AI." Artificial Intelligence is a thing of the past. A retarded Bantha can get by just fine without the use of a computer. Again with the Banthas. I just can't stop! Silly me! WELL... Speaking of Banthas, I found this odd non-fungus under my tauntaun's foot the other day. Non-fungus is exactly like fungus except for the fact that it isn't fungus. This non-fungus resembled a full-grown semi-human. It was Darth Maul! Obi-wan gave Maul the pleasure of semi-humandome. Yes, Maul is... was human. He just had a freak accident one day and fell face-first into one of those poisonous tropical frogs. That's why his face looks like a frog. I don't care to explain the horns on his head. Actually, I just don't give a kriff. Anyway, I just came up with the most amazing discovery (I am a genius, I always come up with amazing discoveries). If you rearrange the letters in "fish," you get "sifh," which looks like... Seven. Seven is an odd number. Eight is an even number. I am an odd person. But I'm always even. "Even" looks like "Eleven." That is all I have to say. Not really, I'm speechless. Blah! Shy people just don't know when to shut up! I mean, how long can a Jedi hold a tractor in the air? Me either. ME EITHER! What a miasmal show. I disembark.

Sometimes, the world offers little in return to its patrons. But alas, a light has shone through the curtains of eternal darkness (not to mention severe body odor) and cast a shadow on the wall of happiness. May we call this shadow George? Kriffy do! I'm going all intellectual! As Bossk once said: "I'm an intellectual." Read Hard Merchandise or die. The common misconception of a struggling race of squirmy little pea eaters: THEY ARE GREEN. Now you must know the naked truth. Never mind, how about the clothed truth? Yes, the clothed truth is that sometimes in the Universe (I capitalize because it sure as stang deserves it) sentient beings often mistake wine for kerosene, causing undoubted war and anarchy throughout the nation of AKABANANA. When your hopes are high and your brain is dumb, take some comfort in knowing that I have multiple coin-flipping abilities. I can toss it in the air and have it land right back in the desert where it started. Running, starving, dying, vomiting, insulting Jawas (further disrupting its emotional state), kicking Jawas, blasting Jawas, eating the raw purple flesh of.... you guessed it... rocks. Rocks are alive. Prove me otherwise and I'll give you a big ol' slap on the back and call it a day. Let me call it a day... ehem.... "A day." Thank you. Thank you (of the million type). Some indecent swine trotted on the fodder yesterday.

When I say Acbar, I do not mean Ackbar (with a "k"). They are two compleatly different fish. The picture on the left is Acbar and the picture on the right is stupid Admiral Ackbar (with a "k"). Not to put down Acbar. That's right Acbar is really Ackbar (with a "k") in a tauntaun costume, in a Woo--- costume, in a fish costume. It's that simple.