KIDS ON SCIENCE

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.'

Variously attributed to: J. Bert Lott Dept. of Classical Studies University of Pennsylvania; the Boston Globe 1/25/1988 (Compiled by Ben Stewart, Jefferson Elementary School, St. Louis)


A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A fossil is a dead bone.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

A planet cannot have an axis until it can get a lion to run through it.

A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

A thunderstorm is like a shower, only more so.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way to go.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

Clouds just keep circling the Earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it and that is the important thing.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Litter: A nest of young puppies.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Molecules are constantly bumping against each other in the air. There is really quite an overpopulation of molecules.

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

One-hundred humidities equal 1 rain.

Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

Quite a lot of the world's supply of electricity goes into the making of lightning.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
Rainbows are just to look at, not really to understand.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. but I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters have yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

To prevent contraception, use a condominium.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

When the fuel in a rocket starts burning, gases rush out at the nozzle. So would anybody.

When they broke open molecules they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

While the Earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.