MCDONNELL DOUGLAS WARRANTY REGISTRATION

Rumor has it that this was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humor. (In case you don't know, McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft).

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1.                     Mr.                               Lt.                               Miss                    
                    Mrs.                               Gen.                               Classified
                    Ms.                               Comrade                     Other
          First Name: ............................................... Initial: ........ Last Name: ...............................................
          Password: .............................. (max 8 char) Code Name: ...............................................
          Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

2.          Which model aircraft did you purchase?
                    F-14 Tomcat                     F-117A Stealth
                    F-15 Eagle                     Classified
                    F-16 Falcon

3.           Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):           19...... / ...... / ......

4.          Serial Number: ..............................................

5.           Please check where this product was purchased:
                    Received as gift / aid package
                    Catalog showroom
                    Independent arms broker
                    Mail order
                    Discount store
                    Government surplus
                    Classified

6.           Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
                    Heard loud noise, looked up
                    Store display
                    Espionage
                    Recommended by friend / relative / ally
                    Political lobbying by manufacturer
                    Was attacked by on

7.          Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
                    Style / appearance
                    Speed / maneuverability
                    Price / value
                    Comfort / convenience
                    Kickback / bribe
                    Recommended by salesperson
                    McDonnell Douglas reputation
                    Advanced Weapons Systems
                    Backroom politics
                    Negative experience opposing one in combat

8.          Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
                    North America
                    Central / South America
                    Aircraft carrier
                    Europe
                    Middle East
                    Africa
                    Asia / Far East
                    Misc. Third World countries
                    Classified

9.          Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
                    Color TV
                    VCR
                    ICBM
                    Killer Satellite
                    CD Player
                    Air-to-Air Missiles
                    Space Shuttle
                    Home Computer
                    Nuclear Weapon

10.          How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)
                    Communist / Socialist
                    Terrorist
                    Crazed
                    Neutral
                    Democratic
                    Dictatorship
                    Corrupt
                    Primitive / Tribal

11.          How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
                    Deficit spending
                    Cash
                    Suitcases of cocaine
                    Oil revenues
                    Personal check
                    Credit card
                    Ransom money
                    Traveler's check

12.          Your occupation:
                    Homemaker
                    Sales / marketing
                    Revolutionary
                    Clerical
                    Mercenary
                    Tyrant
                    Middle management
                    Eccentric billionaire
                    Defense Minister / General
                    Retired
                    Student

13.          To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
                    Golf
                    Boating / sailing
                    Sabotage
                    Running / jogging
                    Propaganda / disinformation
                    Destabilization / overthrow
                    Default on loans
                    Gardening
                    Crafts
                    Black market / smuggling
                    Collectibles / collections
                    Watching sports on TV
                    Wines
                    Interrogation / torture
                    Household pets
                    Crushing rebellions
                    Espionage / reconnaissance
                    Fashion clothing
                    Border disputes
                    Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO