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Some Favorite Quotes & Other Funny Things

WATERLOVERS OVERLORDS WIMPS INFORMATION EXCHANGE

SCUBA

A special agency for divers with computers and modems. Use you PC with your BC

WOWIE MASTER DIVER SPECIALITIES

Caribbean Dry Suit Diver

Rubber Ducky Diver – for those who dive in their bath tubs

Nitrox Snorkeler Specialty

Clusterphobic Diver – fear of crowded boats

Zero Visibility Diver

Wrecked Diver – for those who party on the boat

Skinny Dipper Ice Diver

Hole in Wall Diver – our cave diving specialty

Mermaid Video Voyeur

Carniverous Diver – for the shark eaters among us

Submarine Race Watchers

Emblemism Diver – for those who break out in patches

Equipment Color Coordination Specialty

Overstuffing Airplane Overhead Bin with Dive gear Specialty

Underwater Basket Weaving

The ones who miss out on the fun
Are those who say, "It can't be done."

In solemn praise they stand aloof
And greet each venture with reproof.

Had they the power they'd efface
The history of the human race.

We'd have no radio or motor cars,
No streets lit by electric stars;
No telegraph or telephone,
We'd linger in the age of stone.

The world would sleep if things were run
By those who say, "It can't be done."

Anonymous

Choose a response
Life will knock you around if you let it. But you don't have to let it.

You can't always control what's coming toward you. You can, however, decide what to do about it.

You can decide how to respond. And the way you respond can make all the difference in the world.

There is a positive, forward-looking way to respond to whatever may come your way. Though the circumstances may not be ideal, your response can be just right.

Rather than allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by life's surprises, decide that you will take each one and find the value in it. Instead of impulsively reacting out of habit, resolve to act with positive purpose.

Choose a response that is based not only on the situation, but also on who you are and where you intend to go. By doing so, you can stay in control no matter what may happen.

-- Ralph Marston

In short, few things in this world do as much good as listening.
Listening creates understanding, builds trust, increases cooperation, solves problems, and earns respect.  So listen!

Take the advice of the following poem--written by Anonymous—for all of us.

LISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me -- strange as that may seem.

Listen!  All I asked was that you listen -- not talk or do -- just hear me.

Advice is cheap.  A quarter will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

I can do for myself.  I'm not helpless -- discouraged and faltering, maybe -- but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you, and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational fear.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational fears make sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works for so many people.  God actually listens.

And if you're willing to listen, God actually talks.

So please listen and just hear me.

And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and then I'll listen to you.

Women over 30...

Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are
just a few reasons why: A woman over 30 will never wake you in the
middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care
what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's
usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30
give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of
course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they
think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over
30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she
knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not
true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if
you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to
wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,
well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow
pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies,
I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
Pig just to get a little sausage.

“Don’t marry a person you can live with, marry someone you cannot live without” Unknown

“Experience is a hard teacher, the test is given first, the lesson afterwards." Unknown

An excerpt from a Dear Abby article:

“Don’t look for perfection in your mate. You will not find it. And it’s just as well. Living with a saint can be tiresome, Learn the wisdom of compromise. It is better to bend a little than to break.”

I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon,  and a cat that comes home late every night. -Marie Corelli-

I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-

NATURAL HIGHS

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket.

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail.

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15. The beach.

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.

17. Laughing at yourself.

18. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

19. Running through sprinklers.

20.Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

21. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

22.Laughing at an inside joke.

23.Friends.

24.Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

25.Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

26.Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

27.Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

28.Playing with a new puppy.

29.Having someone play with your hair.

30.Sweet dreams.

31. Hot chocolate.

32.Road trips with friends.

33.Swinging on swings.

34.Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

35.Making chocolate chip cookies.

36.Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

37.Holding hands with someone you care about.

38.Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

39.Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

40.Watching the sunrise.

41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

42.Knowing that somebody misses you.

43.Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

44.Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Gordon H. Taggart wrote:
I wish I were

honest enough to admit all my shortcomings;          

brilliant enough to accept flattery without it making me arrogant; 

tall enough to tower above deceit; 

strong enough to treasure love; 

brave enough to welcome criticism;

compassionate enough to understand human frailties;

wise enough to recognize my mistakes;

humble enough to appreciate greatness;

staunch enough to stand by my friends;
human enough to be thoughtful of my neighbor; 

and righteous enough to be devoted to the love of God.

You know she is a true Jeeper when....

1)She take the latest JP magazine to her gynecologist appointment
2)Bypasses the Cosmo at the magazine racks and goes straight for the "Off-Roading" magazines.
3)Her Jeep is color coordinated and matches her shoes
4)When making her wedding plans make sure that it includes something with the Jeep
5)When she says she's going to take a mud bath and doesn't head for the local spa.
6)When getting a "lift" involves wrenches and bolts, NOT plastic surgery
7)Before dating ANY guy, she has to know his policy on square-or round-headlights
8)She's more concerned with breaking an axle, than breaking a nail
9)In her purse you find makeup, an organizer, and a torx wrench

10)You ask to see her kids, and she shows you pictures of her YJ and her scrambler
11)When her motto is Diamond-plate is a girl's best friend
12)When she goes shopping for meats, she means tires
13)When her friends talk about shopping for accessories, she's thinking of new tow hooks
14)She gets a sad look on her face as she runs her muddy Jeep through the car wash
15)She wishes for a blizzard to show off how well her Jeep can handle the snow.
16)She grins at speed bumps and "DIP AHEAD" signs
17)When someone says to her "NICE RACK!" she assumes that they are talking about her roof rack
18)Instead of tupperware parties, she has Quadratec parties

You might be a Jeep Nut if...                  

Your constantly asking your significantly other is there's anything lying around the house that can be sold on eBay to buy the next item on your "Wish List". 

Your child's big wheel can articulate.                  
Your lawn mower has a grill guard, tow hooks, fog lights, and can ramp 800.                               
You skimp on groceries to save up for that lift, new tires, lockers, etc.                                    
You buy real cheap tires for your car, so you can save $$$ for the BFG's.                 
Your Christmas list begins with disconnects and ARB... (and your significant other knows what these are).      
More than one 4WD supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.                       
You get upset when people don't return the "Jeep Wave". 
Your friends don't recognize you without muddy clothes and a tow strap in your hand.                           
You get offended when people call a Geo Tracker a Jeep. 
You get offended when people call your Jeep "cute".     
People know you by your "brokes"----"Oh, you're the one who broke a driveshaft last weekend!"                   
You've ever tried to convince your significant other you needed that winch to do work around the house.          
You have enough spare parts to build another Jeep .     
When you see a Jeep that's never been off-road and you think of animals at the zoo.                            
Your reading material in your bathroom consists of Jeep catalogs, topographical maps, and 400 Jeep magazines, none of which have centerfolds.                         
You know that getting from point A to point B involves being winched at least once.                            
You save broken Jeep parts as " momento's".             
You drive over curbs instead of backing up.             
Your idea of a car wash is driving through a mud puddle.

Ten Commandments of a Jeep Owner

Contributed By: Brian Moake

1) Thou shalt not misuse the name of Jeep.

2) Thou shalt not steal any Jeep.

3) Thou shalt not murder on a Jeep Jamboree, or any other time.

4) Thou shall respect the land and the animals, for they are what make offroad exciting.

5) Thou shall covet other Jeeps with respect, for they are family.

6) Respect your Father, Mother, and Neighbor, for they one day may own a Jeep, should you want to drive it.

7) Thou shalt not give false testimony against Jeep, especially while telling a fish story.

8) Thou shalt not commit sale to another, without respect towards Jeep.

9) Thou shalt not purposely harm your Jeep vehicle, or your Neighbors Jeep.

10) Thou shall idol Jeep, for it was given to rejoice.

JEEP - Just Empty Every Pocket

It's the silence  between the notes that makes the music --  JJ Silden

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen- .

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles Schultz

"Its better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” Rami Belson

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that do not.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full. The re-engineering person says you have twice as much glass as you need.

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.      

Cringely, Robert

“Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today, Hope for Tomorrow.” Orison Swett Marden

" There are no impossible dreams; there is just our limited perception of what is possible."
Author Unknown

Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you can't be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people."

Lido Anthony "Lee" Iacocca

You cannot do kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Start by doing what’s necessary, then what’s possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

St Francis of Assissi

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. Anonymous

Get Your Priorities Straight. No one ever said on their deathbed, “Gee if I had only spent more time at the office.” Unknown

Be Bold and Courageous. When you look back your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did. Unknown

Change your thoughts and you change your world. Rev Norman Vincent Reale

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. Helen Keller

You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Wayne Gretzky

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowline, sail away from your safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

Remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Unknown

Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have. It depends on what you think. Dale Carnegie