PICKING ON MY NOSE

Recently I found myself caught in a rather uncomfortable position. I was driving my car to the local mall when I had the sudden urge to pick my nose. There was something in my nose. I wasn't exactly sure what it was but I knew I had to get it the hell out of there. Of course, if I was a woman (which I assure you, I am not) I would just grab a tissue and gently and elegantly blow my nose really good, then fold the tissue neatly into a little square and slide it into my purse. This is a tad silly if you are a man. As I was a man of sound body and partial mind, I knew I had to extend my index finger and get to work quickly. This is known throughout male society as "Mining for booger nuggets". It is a very precise, yet thoroughly disgusting rite of passion. We are not proud about picking our noses but somebody has to do it.

As I prepare myself for the task ahead, I look in the rear view mirror to make sure there isn't a car right behind me. I also look for upcoming traffic. I am only looking out for females in the other cars. I know from experience that women don't like a man with a finger or two up his nose. If it is another man, I know if he saw me picking away, he would most likely either be doing the same or giving me the thumbs up. (Hopefully with nothing on the end of his thumb...)

Once the coast is clear of the opposite sex, I plow my finger into my nose. Twisting and turning violently until I hit upon the source of my discomfort. Once I have the discomfort on the tip of my finger, I quickly pull out. (This reminds me of sex education, for some odd reason...)

As I drive down the highway, minute after minute my finger stays extended as I figure out where the hell to wipe it. As I stare down the long, winding road I can't help but slowly look over at my finger. I then take a good, long look at the glob on my finger. I'm almost proud of what I see. It's rather messy and large but sort of cool. Only a real man could have such a fine mess. I quickly wipe it underneath the passenger seat and let out a small chuckle of glee.

The joys of being a man. Some women will never understand....