FBI Background Check
NAME: William Keane
ALIAS(ES): Bil, Mr.Keane, Wilheim Keansky,
That guy who draws the family circus.
DOB: 10/5/22
HAIR COLOR: Blond
EYE COLOR: N/A
TATTOOS/SCARS/BIRTHMARKS?: Tatto on left buttock, says "I lowe Rop"
MARTIAL STATUS: Married
SPOUSE: Thelma L. Keane a.k.a. "She"
CHILDREN: William Jr., Dolores, Jefferson, and "PJ"
FAMILY: Father, "Gramps" Keane, died in 1980 due to enlarged prostitute. Mother,"Granma" Keane, still at large. No other siblings, thought there is rumoured to be an "Uncle Roy".
ARREST(S): September 12, 1927: Damaged Liberty Bell, claimed he was framed by "Nott Me"
December 31, 1929: Crashed Stock Market
September 21, 1931: Invaded Manchuria
Febuary 8, 1935: Sold rotten apples at inflated price of 6¢
January 6, 1941: Bombed Pearl Harbor
July 16, 1945: Caused Nuclear Explosion in Almagordo, New Mexico
April 23, 1950: Staturtory rape of "Silly Philly"
Febuary 1, 1960: Created the Family Circus, an obscene "Tijuana bible" detailing his home life.
November 22, 1963: Assinated President John F. Kennedy
August 17, 1969: Sold really expensive stamps at Woodstock Music & Arts Fair
June 17, 1972: Broke into the Watergate Hotel in Washington D.C.
April 1, 1976: Tripped President Gerald R. Ford
March 28, 1979: Caused Three Mile Island to leak
March 30, 1981: Tries to assinate Donald Reagan in an attempt to woo Lisa Foster
January 1, 1982: Named "Most Wanted Cartoonist" by the National Cartoonists Society
CONCLUSION: He may be a dangerous psychopath, but his little cartoons are too cute for words! I just love little PJ!
