December 30, 2003

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson I learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while


2004 is just around the bend. this year flew. damn. i feel so old. just letting things fly by. or maybe it was because i was so busy that i didn't even realize how fast things were going. UGH! where did the year GO?!?!

in any case. 2004 will be more lax. i hope. oh. BTW... got my grades. a big disappointment, to say the least. GPA for the semester was 3.0. giving me a whopping 2.89 cumulative. which isn't exactly impressive. but give me a semester and i swear it will be at least a 3.0. i'm thinking about extending it a semester to better my chances of getting into a grad school. so i can at least do a year of research and get a coupla good recommendations. and i have to take stats over AGAIN to get that damn B to get into PSY 410. so i think i'm gonna take a few bio courses and a few history and art courses just to bring up my GPA. hey. better to extend than to graduate and have no future. =P
PSY 270: C+
PSY 301: B+
PSY 319: B
PSY 360: A
PSY 380: B
HIST 420: B+
SPAN 102: C+


December 27, 2003

evaluating my life always seems like such a downer on the surface. i've been nothing but an utter disappointment relative to my goals, aspirations and ability. i know i could be SOOO much more. and i've wanted to be so much more. what i had planned for myself is nothing like what i've made of myself. i was supposed to be married with kids and a career already. yes. at 22. well. maybe not kids yet. but engaged at least. with a good job. with a clear path to stardom in careerhood. from a macro-perspective. i'm a big fucking failure. i'm still in school. with less than a 3.0 with slim chances of getting into grad school. a boyfriend squeamish about marriage. me being squeamish about marriage. fat enough to look pregnant. working at a fucking department store. and up to my nose in bills and debt. average. if at all. and still in my parent's house.

but then i look at what i DO have. a family that sticks together. people i can turn to. a boyfriend that genuinely loves me, and even if he is squeamish at the thought of marriage, it's only because he knows that neither of us are ready for such a big step financially or with our families. i have the people that love me around. i have stability. a house. and more than a lot of other people do. i've been blessed with intelligence. and at least i'm not taking the 5 year route. and at least i have ambitions and not just wandering around aimlessly in life. i have my health. good friends. and coworkers that are almost family. i live in paradise (san diego), not in luxury, but at least not in poverty. and i know who i am. and anyhow.... all i need is a good slap in the back of the head to realize that even though on the surface it all seems difficult and stressful... i've got it pretty good.

my closet is full. my room is a mess. and all i can think is... man i'm hungry.


December 26, 2003

the only good thing about the holidays is my family. =)

belle, look at the camera!my family keeps sayin that Yayay is like me cuz we both have tendencies to suck on our body parts. apparently, she likes the taste of her feetand you know you're old when your lil nephew's two front baby teeth are gone and the newbies are makin their way throughthe three newest additions. awwww. i need some of those.
the highlight was seein our family grow and the babies start talkin n walkin and being alejandrinos. damn. i feel old.

but a good 6 hours of Cranium and Jenga will make the spirits bright. no alcohol required. just clay grass and the berlin wall. uh hur.
one MEAN game of jenga. this one was an hour and a half long.



December 20, 2003

coulda shoulda woulda! story of my life.

EXAMPLE ONE: coulda accessed blackboard earlier this week to get the study guide for my last final. i COMPLETELY FORGOT that it would be down for maintenance for the remainder of the weekend. now my best bet would be to try to access it on monday morning. like HELLA last minute before my final. bleh. i woulda printed it, but i didnt have any money on my ID. i SHOULDA but i didnt. now i'm SOL. fuck me.

EXAMPLE TWO: coulda and SHOULDA went to our formal presentation of IOTA CLASS!!! last night. and i coulda. cuz i had the intention to. i was on my way home from a LOOOONNNNGGGG day at the mall (scheduled at an early 6:45am until 4pm, then stayed to do a lil christmas shopping and sushi w/ the booddies). so i called the sisters. got directions. and went home to change and grab my books. but decided to take a little nap beforehand so i could stay awake to study after all the festivities. but ended up KNOCKING THE FUCK OUT until the weeee hours of the morning. woke up right about when all the drunks woulda KOed. =( so i missed prEsents. and presents. (for the non-Greeks, i missed the presentation of the class, and the christmas gift exchange). i dont mind missing the after party so much. but i hate missing the gigantuan congregation of the asian greek community of SoCal to see the presentation of our newest sisters. =( coulda woulda shoulda. damnit. i really should apologize. but i dont know where to begin.

in any case, i just finished my stats final. i THINK i did well. but we'll see at the end of next week. i have ONE FINAL left! WHEW!

and my kuya is coming for CHRISTMAS!!!! YEY!!!! i love my bros. the gathering will be on chubb's bday at jomo's pad. can't wait!

and with that said... you know my lack of attendance to my journal over the holidays. sorry folks. but that's how it is when family comes first.


December 19, 2003

looks like we're on the verge of finding a new best friend. or closest confidante at that. =) can't say much for best friends. my luck in the past hasnt been exactly great. they've all been temporary. i think the longest one was a good 4 or 5 years. but nothing compared to those lifelong ones that i encounter everyday. bleh. its k. i have my bros. and my brian. =)

ooh. if anyone is ever craving sushi, hollaaaaaa!!! we went to this supercheap superyummy place in downtown. and when i say cheap, i mean $1.99 cali rolls and $4.50 rainbow rolls... ON A REGULAR BASIS! who says sushi needs to be expensive? obviously no one there! $64 for a meal for 4. including alcohol, 6 specialty rolls, and a bento box. tax plus tip. good grief. me and bri usually spend that much just for the two of us. but in any case.... holllaaaaaaaaa!!!


December 18, 2003

work and school and finals. no time homies. sorry!

no. but really. i only have 2 finals left. HOORAY! and you have NO IDEA how stressful (but at times stressless... hooray for alcohol!) this week has been. oh my goodness... NEVER AGAIN! if you ever hear any crazy talk about 23 units ever again... i give you every right to bash me upside the back of my head and drag me by my hair into an insane asylum. once was enough. but next semester, i'm goin the easy route with 18 units (i only need 12 to graduate! YEY!)

in any case, wendy's 25th berfday was on monday and we celebrated at D&Bs. my underage brother John and his nongirlfriend nena had the bestest time playin ball. john SUCKS, btw. i was consistently 2nd, Bri 1st, and nena 3rd. but dayam my arms are sore! hangin with a new crowd was enlightening. it was me, the boyfriend, the underage brother, the oreo cambodian, the colorless flirt, the supergay drama queen, the supergay diva/airhead, 2 apple geeks, the man slut and his soon to be girlfriend, the cheesehead and her tall girly boyfriend, the blonde bombshell drunk, and the quiet supergay alcoholic. what a colorful crowd. needless to say, i had a GREAT time! nice to hang out with such a diverse crowd. i think the only glue in the group was that everyone is a big flirt, with a gay best friend. =) good times.

i'll keep you posted on my grades. as for now, here are the prospectives:
SPAN 102: C- or F (oh yeah. remind me to tell you about that)
PSY 319: B or B+
PSY 380: B+ or A-
PSY 360: A- or A
HIST 420: A or A-
PSY 270: B or C
PSY 301: A or B+
but those are just prospectives. we'll see how things turn out after finals. =( wish me luck yall.


December 10, 2003

at this point, i've given up on the idea that i will graduate from this place with anything higher than a 2.75. because even if i pull all A's next semester, it's still hopeless. =P unless i completely withdraw from my junior year. and that's a big hell no. cuz junior year really hit my GPA hard (2.54 and 2.14) and when you take as many units as i take, each grade point is PRECIOUS.

anyhow, i got extensions on a couple of my papers because of the boo-hoo method. so i really shouldnt be wasting time here.

remind me to tell you what happened in spanish. that pretty much determines my graduation. .... but i say that about everything.


December 8, 2003

CRUNCH TIME!!! i'm on page 2 of my 10-page minimum behavioral neuropsych paper on the physiological basis/cause/theories of blindsight (aka cortical blindness w/ visual awareness... aka Ben affleck in Daredevil syndrome). it's due at 1230pm tomorrow. =) i also have to finish my (itsy bitsy) 3 page paper on I/O psych applications to my current place of employment. due conveniently at 8am tomorrow morning. then there are the three out-of-class activity reports for my Asian Dynamics class (2 page minimum report for each activity) thats due tomorrow at 2pm. =) and my spanish reports on Portugal and Spain due at 7am tomorrow morning. =) Thank God i still have tomorrow night to finish up my lab and my survey project (as of now, i'm doing the abstract and have to start on the discussion... but 14 pages are already finished, so it's no big deal). then it's on til the break of dawn (literally) in the RBR studyin my cutie patootie flat little butt off.

for those not stressin about school matters and finals at this time of the year, here's a big FUCK YOU to you! haha. i've got jokes. i'm just green cuz i wish i could be in the clear to enjoy this chilly weather we've been having. (oh man. today was a perfect day to forget all my troubles and go snowboarding!)

all i want for christmas is my snowboard package. my Roxy board (the black one with the blue hibiscus)... size 143 please. and my vans boots. and my roxy bindings. =) but tough shit, cuz everyone that loves me is in a financial bind this year. =( sorry materialism, you're gonna have to wait it out til next year.

and MTV's 3-way threat (is that what it was called?) was awe-inspiring. i want to board like that. and still be able to surf. (not so big on skating. me and the pavement dont get along very well). but anyhow... i wanna be able to board the pipe next time we go up. at least i conquered the bunny slopes and the middle one. =T (sorry. my verbal capacity at this time is kinda on the low side. it's been a long day) let's try expert next time.... if brian can ever get his skinny butt outta the snow and be able to stand. *snickers* boys are so funny.

so anyway. my feet hurt and my original intention when logging on to this computer was solely to check email to see if my neuro professor had replied to my plea for an extension on my paper. fat chance of that happening at 11pm the day before the paper is due. but whatever. i sent the request a week ago. and still no reply. i guess that's a "no". oh well. tough shit.


December 6, 2003

i've been having one of those weeks. and i've been as optomistic as i possibly could. but at this point, i think it's just better off to let myself drown and just await the aftermath of it all. cuz it's an inevitable crumble. so why even fight it? but i've been fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting... but my efforts just dont show. i know things will get a lot better in january. school. work. family. and finances. i KNOW for a fact that things will be a lot better. but getting through this month is gonna be a challenge. and this week has given me nothing but trouble. not a very good beginning.

anyhoo... i've been goin through HELLA drama lately. at home. at school. at work. and i've just about had it. about to give up and just let it all go to shit. cuz at this point, it seems like there's nothing i can possibly do to make matters any better. i got left in the dark and all i can do is pray that things get better.

and they will. hopefully sooner than january. but at least i have next month to look forward to.

and frankly... it's been one of the worst days. you'll probably hear about it in another post. but for now, my spirit is down and i need to fix it soon because i have an exam that determines my graduation date in 25 minutes. wish me luck. i'll need it.


December 4, 2003

i hung out with Tap (that's MISTER Tap danh to you!) and nikki today. hmm. it was a nice change from the usual attitudes i usually encounter. quite refreshing. =) two intellectuals that have the ability to talk academia and yet don't let it engulf their lives. we spent a majority of the time talking about food and different "types" and nikki's doom to marry her best friend. it reminded me of middle school when all i hung out with were south-east asian people. (before the filipinos and the white folk) but with a college air. anyhoo. it was fun. i was gonna go to el torito with them, but opted to go to class instead.

the other night i signed onto aim for a brief 10-15 mintues. yikes! i gave up after a while. that's just way too much effort for me. i like phone conversation better, thanks. but with some people, you can only talk to them online. (sorry big bro & jess... i love talkin to you... but i just dont have the patience for aim) but enough of that.

2 full days of class left. then FINALS. i have 2 HUGE term papers to finish. one itsy bitsy 3-pager. 2 homework assignments. one lab. and seven finals (i don't have a final for my lab, so i only have SEVEN to study for. woooppeeee!) christmas shopping is in full swing. i've got my list. i've got my intentions. i've got my destinations. i just don't have the money. =P but there's always ways around that. so no stress. =)

and with that... i leave you with this....

*POOOOOT*


12.02.03.GEEEEEZ
this is absolutely retarded. why does it take a MONTH to get a stupid domain transfer? WHY? WHY? WHY? good grief. setting up the account a bajillion years ago was a lot quicker than this. stupid i tell yah. just plain.

BAH. whatever. and these materialistic pricks are gettin on my nerves. i mean... i thought I was pretty materialistic. but goodness gracious man! i mean really now... me and brian have spent whole days mall hopping... and we're still not at the level of these people. but then again... we dont have the funds of these people either. kinda makes you wonder what if you were a little bit more blessed financially than you are presently. would you.. or wouldn't you. you can't really say for sure... cuz it's not a reality. but... hmmm.... given the tendencies you already have... the desires that already reside within... what would the gratification of that missing element do for yah? hm. food for thought.

ooh! and now... FOOD FOR TUMMY!!!

whatever. these people give me the sales i need to get my promotion. so be it. just keeps the world goin round anyway. and if i didnt have these people to bitch about... i'd probably find something else anyway. whoop dee doo.

12.02.03::EEEK!!!!
i think i just pissed in my panties. GERARD and Big WILLy are BAAAACK!!!! ooh!! you're in for some gooood readin now! just please don't overcrowd will... err... jayden. cuz he might disappear again. =( NOT AGAIN! please!! it saddens me to think of the days when the OGs went away. *sniff sniff* now they're BACK! and the teenie-bop invasion has quieted down. =) maybe things will be better again.

oh yeah. hm. funny how the sublinks of 52govroom.com still work, but the main site doesnt. if you go to http://mar.52govroom.com, it pops up. but not the real site. hm. maybe i should just make that my main. there's a thought. and i wouldn't have to renew or re-subscribe. that would be wunderbar!

December 2, 2003

i don't even know why i bother. =P stupid domain transfers and expirations and blah blah blah blah blah. it's all a bunch of bull. next year, i don't renew. 52govroom.com can be a porn site for the remainder of it's life after next year, because i'm noth coughin up another $35 just to renew for a fucking year. we all know how poor i am. that money coulda gone to christmas presents. so HERE. merry christmas assholes. (j/k)

ahhhh. isn't it nice the way the sun burns your skin during the afternoon then freezes your buns during the evening? its beginning to feel a lot like christmas!

isn't it also very nice to see when you're linked on peoples' sites that have actual SUBSTANCE? =) instead of the blah-day-to-day-dos of the banal and popular. people of substance UNITE! haha! joke lang. i know i have my blonde moments. whatever. like ... HELLOOOOO! you act like if i care or something. *hair flip*

anyway, i had 3 people call me yesterday asking about my brother. he's not dead. he's just too poor to call people. but he is in a humongoid financial jam. details will not be divulged here, but let's just say that he has a lot to deal with at the moment, and he could really use your prayers. so regardless of how you pray, or who you pray to, please pray for my brother. he really needs it.

and on that note.... IT'S DECEMBER!!!!! good grief. today, i have worked for robinsons-may for a WHOLE year. i'm such a spineless prick. but whatever. yesterday i became a profit-share-holder with the company. so at least i'll start having SOME SORT OF SAVINGS for when i retire. or whatever. at least i'm starting my nest egg. and starting today, i finally have life insurance. complimentary of May Co. i guess they expect you to die for them or something. but regardless, that's free money for my family in case something happens to me. which is a real big sigh of relief cuz you never know whats gonna happen. but anyway... DECEMBER. whoop dee doo. at least i get two paid days off this month. and next month i get paid for a week and a half to get piss drunk with my friends up in the mountains. =) see... working for a big money-hungry corporation DOES have benefits! too bad i'll be payin for it in hell. =T