January 29, 2007
erik, i can't believe you called me an asstard. what a brat you are. anyhoo.... as i proposed on my comment via the devil... if you ever feel like randomly driving down to SD, call me when you leave so i can meet you here. seeeeeee.... it works out! TADA!
anyhoo... had a chat with my ASM today and my future GSM about the things to come.. and i'm being hopeful. If anything... the good people will stay and all the brats will leave. HIP HIP HOORAY!!! but we shall see. and come many.. **BOING BOING BOING!!!*** peace out SD!
but there still a lot of events from now til then. aka OPENING WEEK!!!! which i still need to find a partner in crime to go up to SF for the giants/padres season opener.
January 28, 2007
I'm really tired these days. it could just be my period. it could be the wear and tear of 2 jobs. it could be the long-distance thing finally getting under my skin. or a combination of all of the above. Hopefully things will change in the next week or so before the trip out to AZ.
but here's the thing.... I don't want to move in with his roomies. They're gross. they're dirty. druggies. and just in general i don't want to be involved with any of it. It's unneccesary stress and risk that I should not have to deal with. but they're HIS FAMILY. and we all know how much leverage being family has. and especially since he's supposed to be looking out for them. but you know what... they're adults. perfectly capable of making their own (albeit stupid) decisions. I shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of their actions. and neither should he. but him being teh big-brother type, he feels responsible. BLAH! so i guess we'll see what the living situation will be as soon as i get there.
which brings us to point 2. There has been a LOOOOOOOT of shifting around in the starbucks world. basically.... i'm pretty sure that neither I or my baristas will be happy with the shift for the next three months. mainly because of the incoming partners and management shift. but i guess we'll just have to wait it out and watch the chemistry and wait for everything to blow up. But things will be back to "normal" in May, which was my scheduled departure date from SD. and i don't want to leave on a bad note.... not assuming that everything will turn sour... but i have to just wait and see. but i don't want to have to change my plans either. BOO.
and the stupid site is down to register to be one of the first to buy opening day tickets. DOUBLE BLAH!!!
January 21, 2007
the ball... she's a'rollin now! I had a mini-chat with my store manager about leaving sometime before the summer starts. I haven't told her exactly when I'd be leaving... that all depends on my mother. As far as my mother goes.... i need to have one more chat with my manager about my options when i transfer before i let my mom know.
the thing I've learned about my mom is that she will only give her blessing on something if it's been carefully thought out, planned, and has the possibility of being well-executed. She may not like it... but at least if she knows that I've thought long and hard about the decisions I'm making, then it will give her some peace of mind. It just sucks to have that talk. especially since i'm her only girl.
and i'm terrified of telling my dad. we'll just leave it at that.
anyhoo... the Yangs have departed and arrived in fresno. It's for real now. my little sister-in-laws have left me. =*(
and in other news... i think brian has a girlfriend. i wish he would just tell me already.
January 14, 2007
I think I've just about had it with this place. not this place. but where I am currently standing and typing away. It's not worth the stress. it's not worth the lack of sleep. it's not worth the gas and mileage. In a nutshell... this stinks.
but i've already tried to quit. and no such luck. bah humbug.
at least it pays the bills. which is the only good thing about the torcher as of now. I've requested to just work weekends. even working weekends will be enough to pay for my student loan and my credit card bills on a monthly basis. so until i move, then i supposed it will do. Then again... with about half of the stress... i could just work at Starbucks and get by just fine. But all the time twiddling my thumbs might just be enough to drive me insane. downtime sucks hairy balls and you know it.
but it would give me plenty of packing time. but as for now... the money is more important than the downtime. I can really use a cushion when i leave. Blah!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need my teddy bear.
January 9, 2007
I had a very strange dream about Erik last night. stranger than the sitting-on-speakers-eggs-in-hand dream from a previous year. i just remember the car parked outside. and a whole weird mouth situation. and waking up to remember that it was a STRANGE dream. so i text him to let him know. and he text back that he, too had a weird dream about me. I guess that's how things go, right?
changed my myspace song. to KAI::It might be you. Why? I'm not too sure. But I heard Journey's More Than Words and immediately went on a hunt for it... but to no avail. BOO. oh well. Kai wokrs. It's jsut as sappy, and just as mar as any other song. blah blah blah. what i really should be looking for is "In a Rush" by Blackstreet.
In any case.... today i thought about just picking up and leaving in about a month. thought about it. and it's completely feasable. But let's just wait and see what happens. i just miss him. and i can't stand how he sounds on the phone anymore.
January 8, 2007
oh good grief. i can FINALLY get a good night's rest!!! It's been too long since my last full night of sleep. between working 2 jobs at an average 35 hours a piece per week... there's been no time for sleep. BOO. but that's life, eh? and at least i'm finally starting to scrounge up a decent amount of savings. Granted, it's not very much, but as long as i'm not in the red, then I'm happy. And as long as my expenses keep to a minimum (aka bills, gas and food) then I should be in great shape when i FINALLY pick up and leave the nest.
DUDE. I'm so glad I'm still young enough to do what I'm doing. otherwise, I'd be completely gone. And if alcohol was still in the mix, I think I'd still be broke and unreliable.
Thank God for 2006! Even if it started with a DUI, a breakup, a bad relationship (aka China), and a layoff... it sure turned out for the best! Think about it::::
* DUI = AA meetings = Mar giving up alcohol for lent, then alcohol all together (YAY)
* break up w/ Brian = hookup with Pane and FREEDOM!!!!
* bad relationship w/ China (aka PERFECT ON PAPER!) = coming to realization that even if a guy meets all of my standards and seems to be the perfect man for me... in the end, it's all about the chemistry and the interaction in the relationship.
* getting laid off from RobMay = all new opportunities and FREEDOM!!!!
so yes... the Lord does work in mysterious ways. I've learned a lot in 2006. and am really looking forward to what 2007 has to teach me. and in 2008. my life as an adult will really kick into high gear. HOORAY!
And who knows what exactly this year has in store. The chinese calendar says that this year will bring forth many fruitful endeavors, but I must be humble. It also says to be cautious with the one i love. So I guess the only thing left to do is live my life and see where it takes me. It's been a great ride so far.... so I'm really looking forward to the rest.
quite a bit optimistic at this point. It may be out of delirium from the lack of rest. It could be the endorphins. Or it could just be that I'm genuinely happy with the way things are. Or a combination of all of the above. Who knows.
I'll tell you one thing, though..... It feels wonderful to be LOVED!
January 7, 2007
i'm the worst sister ever. i barely spoke to my brother today. who just turned 28. yikes. we're gettin old.
In any case, I know that things always pan out in the end. he knows that i'm working my butt off right now... he might now know exactly WHY... but he knows that it's for something to get myself going. because my brother loves me no matter what kind of stupid decisions i make.
SO... Christmas with Pane was not exactly hunkie dorie. It was rocky, unstable, and it felt like i was going to start 2007 single and free. I didn't speak to him for 3 days. Yeap. THAT BAD. We've had a lot of kinks to work out. Things that we've always tried to address, but the communication just didn't work out because neither of us were listening to the other. If you've ever been in a rocky relationship, you know that the only cure for any kind of trouble is to finally suck it up and LISTEN to each other. So that's what we did. we finally just put aside our personalities and started to work through the things that have been putting a strain on our relationship.
so yes, things are much better. After a LONG one-day trip to Arizona on New Years Day, we had a lot of time to just talk. and vent. And on my solo drive back to SD, I had a lot of time to think, dissect, and realize what I am doing, what I am intending to do, and what I NEED to do. It's been one hell of a holiday. I wish i could get into more details, but it would be TMI for your eyes and it's a bit inappropriate. All you need to know is that my parents hate me.
and as much pondering I've been doing about someone i've gotten increasingly closer to in the past few months. I know that there really is nothing left for me to do there. It is what it is. And it's not something that is progressive. Which is the exact opposite that I need in my life right now. So let's just leave it at that. Kinda sad, tho. Because what it is is beautiful, and has always felt right. But to come to the realization that it's really NOT... is something worth giving in to.
January 6, 2007
HAPPY NEW YEAR, YA'LL!!! I know this is a bit late... but it's still a new year, nonetheless. So ofcourse, as I type away, I'm at work. STILL HERE. and a lot has changed since last year... mostly for the better... and change is always good, si?
anyhoo... i've become less attached to goals and i'm trying to be a little more ambitious. let's see how this works out, shall we? and it feels like the two are one and the same, but not from this perspective. The way i see it... to have goals is to just set yourself up for disappointment when you don't achieve those goals. If you're more ambitious, you just go and do whatever you need to do. Does that make any sense? or am I just completely taking the words and making them my own?
in any case... this year... i'm just going to do what I need to do. point blank. I'm never going to survive at the rate I'm going. So i just need to go and DO IT. what it is? I'm not too sure. I just know that i need to do it to get on with my life.