March 29, 2004
it's just been a bad week. my lil sis depledged on me the other night. how sad. but i've said my shpiel already. plus, it's her life. my cel got turned off the other night. when i called to reactivate, they told me my bill was past due and it was up to $228. (yeah. first of all, my statement never came, and when i called, they said it was only $140.)

and you know what i do when i have a bad week. i shop. and i forgot about my sacrifice for Lent. and i shopped. boo for me. i'm surely going to hell. =( someone pray for me please.

in any case, the weather has been beautiful this past week. so i'm taking a day off (after my testing&measurement exam) and goin to venice beach tomorrow afternoon. =) maybe i can finally get some color on my legs. =P


March 23, 2004
i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything that's going on with the sorority. i really cant go into details. but you'll eventually here about it all anyway. there are just too many events to pack into such a small time frame. and there are just so many things going on that i dont really know what to do with myself. take it one day at a time i guess, but then there's the matter of planning each day out to make sure i have enough time to get things done.

there's always that matter of time. i've beaten it before, but boy did my body take a beating for it. but in retrospect, it was all worth it. whoever said that time is a precious commodity wasnt kidding. i wish there was some way that i could accrue time that people waste and use it for them. but i guess that would be called delegating. but there are some things you just cant delegate (e.g. studying, working, sleeping, etc). anyhow, i know it will work out. but i know it will be a strain on my relationship with brian. its okay tho. he understands (finally).

i ran into my ApsiRho twin today. we had a talk about our missing big bro. and how busy everyone is in our family that we really cant do much about it. i miss the days we would just talk online about random shit. back in the day when being greek was easy. these days, our greek councils just require so much, that being greek isnt so much about partying and sisterhood/brotherhood anymore, it's about service and academics. which isnt a bad thing, but the thing is, the frats/sororities that we belong to are SOCIAL greek orgs and not service/academic orgs. there is a difference. just compare me and erik's journals. (but at this point, his frat is doing more partying than we are, and we're probably doing more service things than they are which is supposed to be the other way around).

anyway. point being, i'm tired.


03.21.04.maybe.5th.time.is.a.charm.
i really need to learn that not everyone is like me. not everyone can take as much shit as i can and still grin and bear it. not everyone can pile a load of shit on themselves, pull through it all, and then have a positive outlook on the whole ordeal.

sometimes i forget, and it really gets the best of me.

my lil sis, as much as i love her, has decided that this semester may not be the best time to pledge for her. i dont blame her, because she's taking really intensive classes this semester. and as much as she has it in her heart to cross, she has decided that her grades could take a beating if she pursues pledging. i really believe that she can do it. but sometimes, it's a lot harder than it seems to convince people of their own abilities. i just wish i had some way to show her that she CAN do this. as much as she thinks that she'll have to sacrifice something, she really doesnt have to.

if you're wondering why i'm gettin all uppity about her, it's because i really believe in her. the other lil sises i had were fun, but they really didnt have it in their hearts to cross over. marissa actually has a passion to cross, and i know that this is something she really wants for herself. with the other girls, i wanted them to cross because i wanted to cross a lil sis. with her, i want her to cross because i know that she really wants it, and the sorority would be a really great influence on her, and she would make a kick-ass active. but i have no clue of how to tell her otherwise. i dont want her to miss this opportunity. and as much as i tell her that the sorority will be here forever, there's really no way i can stress to her that the pledge class that she's in right now is the right fit for her. she's already gone through so much, and i would hate for her to give it all up. and it's one thing to give up on something you dont like so much, and it's another thing to give up one thing for another. it's not like boys, where you HAVE to choose.

i guess i've just been way too understanding. but that's my role. because i get where she's coming from. and i get it from the sisters' point of view. i just wish i could merge the two. i just wish i could TELL HER everything there is to know without killing the program. but i want this for her so bad.

i guess you wouldnt understand without seeing it from our point of view. i just want her to hear from actives how great she's doing. and how much of an asset she would be to the sorority. because she's still thinking like a pledge. i dont know. this is one thing i just cant say "whatever" to.


March 21, 2004
money. hm. has been tighter than a 12yearold virgin around here lately. despite the larger income. well, not much larger. but the ratio of bills/debt to income is grossly out of proportion. favoring the bills/debt side. i know it's always been an issue. but lately, it's gettin worse and worse. the bad part is that i'm gettin cheaper and cheaper. spending less and less. so i really dont understand what's going on. maybe it's just all catching up to me. which is probably the case.

that, and the responsibilities have piled up too. making for a very poor, tired, mar. whoop dee doo.

at least gift is finally over. and i get to see my check for it in a couple of weeks. hopefully it will be enough to get me out of the negative with my bank. you can only overdraw so much before they start sending you hate mail.

i learned my lesson a long time ago. isn't that enough? yeah. if i was the offspring of wealthy (or at least better off) parents. but that's not the case here. =(

i thought this would all be over in january. but things have progressively gotten worse. if anyone has any advice, i'm completely open to it.


March 18, 2004
i hope all had a safe drinking holiday. =)

damn. i just bought new tires. tires are expensive. so is gas. and my car payment. geez. i think we'd all save a ton of money if we just walked everywhere. think about it. if we nix all the parking lots, that would eliminate a LOT of space between places. and the freeways. and just squish everything together like an urban island. that would be just peachy, dont cha think? and CHEAP!


March 11, 2004
i consider myself stupid because i always know what i SHOULD do and what i NEED to do, but i never act on it. my game plans are always flawless until i add myself in as a variable. there are a million (literally) lists and drawed-up plans that have been sitting collecting dust or have never been looked at twice. the variation of plans dont deviate much. and the skeletons of each linger in my head as i make mistakes. who knows what kind of person i would be had i listened to myself all those times. certainly not human, and certainly not myself.

but sometimes i find myself wishing. but that's human nature. the mistakes build character, i guess.

Khris and i were talking yesterday. about the "poor little rich girl" thing. how we always feel sorry for the materialistic, stupid, girls/boys reared in wealthy homes. the rich ones with champagne tastes and champagne budgets to go with them. or rather, not having to budget at all because money is never an object. we feel sorry for them because of how unaware of they're actions they are and how stupid and materialistic they are. and how they lack character. i dont know. i feel bad for them because they're horrible human beings. albeit they sometimes have good intentions, but for the most part, those reared in fortunate households pretty much take everything around them for granted. so anyway, we were talking. and khris tells me she would rather be one of them, because they dont have to endure any kind of suffering us poor folk do. (and yes, i KNOW there are people FAR LESS FORTUNATE than i, i'm just doing a comparison folks. i dont take my shit for granted either. cuz in reality, i'm just monetarily poor) and then i think... why should i feel sorry for them because they have no character? they're livin it up. and they get everything they want. they're not thinking about anyone else, why should i think of them? why should i pity them because they're destined for hell? they probably dont believe in it anyway. hm. i dont know. i shouldnt even give it a second thought. and start giving those less fortunate than me even more thought.

just a thought. let them burn in hell. i have to worry about the people suffering NOW.


March 9, 2004
it's not that i've forgotten. i've just been really sick. one day it was a tsunami, the next day it was the dead heat of summer. weather changes generally make me sniffly and feverish, but this one was a killer. i found myself trudging through the POURING (not sprinkling) rain for almost half a mile to get to my car without an umbrella, a hood, or a jacket. the next morning i felt like shit. and i still havent fully recovered. you can only drink so much naked juice. and the clouds of loose powder/bronzing powder/different perfumes doesnt do much for the mucous either.

the sorority life has caught up to me. i barely see brian anymore... and that's if at all. (i think the only times i see him now are when i go get coffee) my sisters, as much as i love them, have completely bombarded my schedule with events. or maybe it's just my hallucination. i dont know. these days, i'm not really sure. the one thing i know is that the only real times that i've been conscious of my surroundings is when i'm around them. hm. i should maybe put more thought into my actions. or increase my espresso intake.

last weekend i had a total of 5 hours of sleep in a 60-hour period. so you can probably imagine that i'm not exactly aware of what is going on. i keep forgetting that it's midterms week. and look at me. typing away at this computer when i should really be in class paying attention. or taking an exam. but i'm pretty sure the exam is on thursday. ugh. i dont know.

in any case, come support for our philanthropy event tonight. we're doin it true AphiG style... at SOUPLANTATION! 5pm-9pm at the clairemont location. contact me for a flyer. all proceeds go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. anyway, come out and support. thanks. =)

and for laffs, come visit me at work one day. with my cake face on. and my little gramma outfit. robinsons may fashion valley estee lauder counter. haha. it's a good laff.


March 2, 2004
i decided to take a day off from EVERYTHING today. not intentionally. but my body just decided to quit on me today. today was supposed to be packed. wake up at 5:30 to get ready for the day. drive up to sorrento valley to drop off the bro before 7am. have coffee with bri. be at school at 9:30 to set up for greek week carnival. class at 11. class at 1230. blood drive/bone marrow donor drive at 1:45 with maria. greek week carnival. all-sdsu-greek picture at 3:30. pick up my bro at 4. class at 5:30. class at 7. finish taking notes online for bio exam. go home before midnight. knock out, and start it all over again tomorrow morning. but i woke up at 6 because i got home at 1230 after walking a quarter of a mile in the pouring rain without an umbrella or a hood. so i planned to get ready for the day at bri's house. but ended up knocking out til 3pm. oh well. it happens. i had my 2 naked juices. so i should be fine by tomorrow.

yeah. tomorrow. when i start at the estee lauder counter. WITH MAKE UP. in my pantsuit. and flapper top. and HEELS. geez. and apply make up on faces. ugh. the thought of it disgusts me. i hate touching my face. how the hell am i gonna touch strangers?

and i dont get dibs on all the cute shit in juniors anymore. =( aw. sad face! but it's k. maybe i'll save money this way.

i miss my kids already. =(


March 1, 2004
dear erik. you're the ALCOHOLIC family? haha. that's good. i'm part of the multi-cultural-freak-family/busy family. you know what's funny? my lil sis's boyfriend's name is Matt. he's pledging up there this semester too. (coinkidink, but her matt is pledging sigma chi, or sigma pi... one of the white national frats) anyhoo, i dont understand your frat. oh. and i was looking at this national registry for famous greeks, and AphiO popped up quite often. i guess ben savage and bill clinton were AphiO too. but it coulda been another AphiO. i dont know. i dont get academic frats. but how weird. cuz some of the girls from your ucsd chapter came out to one of our formals to support a few months ago. i dont know. nm. when are you gonna call me back sucka?

oh. and i got promoted the other day. to ESTEE LAUDER. holy crap. i almost pissed in my panties. i don't wear much make-up. i could care less. and the whole touching faces thing grosses me out. but it's potential to make HELLA BANK. and HR wants me to be the counter co-manager. ugh. so now i'm having to learn all this crap about skin care and hues and skin tones. i dont know whats going on. and the uniform looks SO UGLY. ugh. i start on wednesday. at least i get to wear normal business attire for the next couple of weeks. yikes. did you ever picture ME as a COSMETICS girl? ew. that's scary. no really... i'm TERRIFIED.

matt n marissa broke up. khris and logan broke up. and me and bri are on the rocks again. i dont know whats going on. but i hope it stops soon. cuz all this instability is driving me NUTS!

p.s. HAPPY MARCH!

oh. and i gave up SHOPPING (for myself) for lent. and given the circumstances, i know it will be extremely challenging AND beneficial. we both win, i guess.

and last night we formed our own version of SITCsd. me, kara, khris, and tonia. and solidified it by smoking a bowl each. yikes. what's going on here?