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Geek Thoughts

In this section, I have included some geek quotes which abstracts the slice of geek culture. If you have some Geek Thoughts, send it to me at i5bala@yahoo.com, It will be published here.

Laws of Computer Programming:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2

The computer programmer ... is a creator of universe for which he alone is the lawgiver ... No playwright, no stage director, no emperor, however powerful, has ever exercised such absolute authority to arrange a stage or a field of battle and to command such unswervingly dutiful actors or troops
Joseph Weizenbaum

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."

"A slower system is better than an incorrect one."
Mark Diekhans (markd@grizzly.com)

"The most effective debugging tool is still careful thought, coupled with judiciously placed print statements."
Brian Kernighan

Morphous from Matrix

All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable:
"This time it will surely run," or "I just found the last bug."
Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month

Any type of System, whether its human system or computer system may fail. The reliability of a system is not the absence of failure, but the ability to recover soon from it. So we must be ready for the failure and the system must be ready to recover.
balakumar .m [yeah it's mine]

That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers.
Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty"

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
Blaise Pascal

The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it.
Brian Kernighan

"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked."
John Gall, Systemantics

"Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers."
Chip Salzenberg

"And remember, rebooting your brain can be tricky."
Eric Townsend (erict@flatline)

"As a rule software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications."
Dave Parnas, Communications of the ACM

"...one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
Robert Firth

Computers are the most fun you can have with anything that isn't breathing.
Bruce Walker, CACM Forum

"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy."
Joseph Campbell

Information Passing: <BON>

Programmer to Team Leader

"We can't do this proposed project. **CANNOT**. It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these type of projects."

Team Leader to Project Manager

"This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff with experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager

"This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager

"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution."

Senior Level Manager to CEO

"This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house training in this area to other staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances."

CEO to Client

"This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame." </BON>

For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong.
H. L. Mencken

"Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever."
Button at the Boston Computer Museum

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack.
George Carrette

"How's YOUR Endless Project coming?"
Mark Diekhans

"...and it's finished! It only has to be written."
Karl Lehenbauer

How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you can never change it back again.

I really hate this damn machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does just what I want,
But only what I tell it.

"I do not fear computers... I fear the lack of them."
Isaac Asimov

Terminator II

"... I will be back! "

"I think there's a world market for about 5 computers."
Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM

"If a machine can be made so that an idiot can use it, then only an idiot will use it."
Tadao Ichikawa

"If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong."
Norm Schryer

"If you don't make money off of it, it had better be either a religious experience or a hobby."
Lance Cooper

"If you want to eat hippopatomus, you've got to pay the freight."
attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory

Dead Horses

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, software companies, often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing an inter-departmental committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating another inter-departmental committee to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Changing the requirements to declare that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hiring contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Hiring a consultant to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchasing a product that makes dead horses run faster.
17. Declaring the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead
18. Forming yet another inter-departmental committee to find alternative uses for dead horses.
19. Revisiting performance requirements for horses.
20. Saying this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

"Little else matters than to write good code."
Karl Lehenbauer

"Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time."
David Gries, in "Compiler Construction for Digital Computers".

"Oh boy, virtual memory! Now I'm gonna make myself a REALLY BIG ram disk!"

"Reliable software must kill people reliably."
Andy Mickel

"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more 'user-friendly' .... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover."
Attributed to Bill Gates (Microsoft, Inc. - like you don't know!)

How many of you said this to mr. clipit ?

"That's not a bug, that's merely an idiosyncracy."
mattb (formerly of sco)

"The biggest growth industry in UNIX is promoting standards."
Rikki Kirzner, Dataquest.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because OCT 31 == DEC 25 !
Andrew Rutherford (andrewr@ucs.adelaide.edu.au)

"The most important question when any new computer architecture is introduced is 'So what?'"
someone in comp.arch

"The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea."
The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook

"Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to be maintained."
The Tao of Programming

"To program is to understand."
Kristen Nygaard

Unix: it's a nice place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there.

"Using an IBM PC is like juggling straight razors.
Using a Mac is like shaving with a bowling pin." Ted Nelson, Computer Lib

The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.

There are bugs and then there are bugs. And then there are bugs.
Karl Lehenbauer

There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.

UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things, because that policy would also keep them from doing clever things.
Doug Gwyn

Weekends were made for programming.
Karl Lehenbauer

Programming is challenging, fun, not too good for your social life. The same could be said of a few bottles of Vodka, however programming is certainly likely to make your electronic life easier afterwards. That cannot be said of Vodka.

04 - 05 balakumar .m, i5bala.

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