Articles of Rajeev Misra

Respect & the American Way

An essay by Rajeev Misra

Last updated: 2004/Oct/15

Respect must be earned and maintained not expected and demanded.

Unlike in some other cultures, I believe, the American way is to give respect to those and when the respect comes out of my heart. I do not believe in giving respect to people due their being in a position of power, richer, older or better off in some way. Respect should not be given out of fear or out of feeling of inferiority. Respect is based on what someone does and not who someone is.

It saddens my heart when I see people not giving due respect to women and to young people who have earned it or are trying to earn it. To assume that someone is any less capable just because that someone is a woman, young, unconventionally educated without formal degrees, or comes from a less privileged background is incorrect. It is also unethical, unwise, immature and un-American.

Some people say America has no culture of respect. They mention other societies where respect and honor are big values. We do have these values in America, and I’d argue we have them in their purest form, but you can’t demand them. You must earn them and maintain them, like all good things in a society with democratic values with capitalist ideals.

Sometimes when I meet executives from other countries, people tell me before hand to treat them with respect their way. They suggest things like bowing low to them, offering them a particular seat in the room, exchanging business cards in a certain way, and generally behaving in a foreign way. Instead of treating strangers with artificial flattery, I treat them with sincerity, caring, friendliness and a desire to gain mutual respect. I have found that sincere behavior has lead to lasting friendships and true mutual respect, even with much older people coming from countries with very orthodox cultures.

Love should be a Decision, not an Emotion

An essay by Rajeev Misra

Last updated: 2004/Apr/14

Love should be a decision, not an emotion. People should not fall in love, they should make a conscious decision about it. Falling in love is not bad in itself, but falling out of love is bad.

I'm not talking about casual love. This piece deals with the mate-seeking love between a man and a woman. There are other kinds of love and relationships. Some of the principles here may or may not apply there.

If there are worldly reasons for your loving someone, those reasons can one day go away. One day, you can meet another person who has those qualities, things, or even feelings for you more than this person you love today. As you grow and change as a person, and as your position in life and in society changes, your likes and dislikes change. What you were satisfied with once may not satisfy you anymore. You may even get bored of someone.

These reasons cause two people in love to fall apart. That is sad.

Love and marriage is a very important decision. It should be a very firm decision. You should stick by it because you made that decision. If you believe in God, it should be a decision you make in front of God.

We all make mistakes. There are often times when we do something that breaks another person's trust in us. That shouldn't be an issue in a relationship and especially not one in a marriage. A person's mistakes should not be able to break love because love should not be based on emotions or worldly things as I mentioned. It should be just a decision that both parties have firmly made in front of themselves, and if they believe in God, then in front of God.

Question. Decisions in life are often taken back, sometimes wisely. What about this one?

There are some decisions that you make in life not because of the consequences but because those decisions are based on your principles, your beliefs. They are based on who and what you are. If you go back on those decisions you upset the very fiber of your being. Love, the kind of love this essay deals with, should be such a decision. Remember, it should be a decision both of you make. The ideas in this writing are meant to be considered by both of you. One hand may clap, but it takes two to shake hands.

Question. Do you say that divorce is wrong?

No. If the relationship is not based on a firm decision to be for one another, then the chances of separating are higher.