“ I can’t do it anymore. I want to finish school, but they told me I won’t be able to do it. I feel like quitting everything.”
Going back to school as an adult isn’t easy. Laura did well in some courses, but struggled in others. Emotionally, failure was taking a toll.
In my office, she berated herself as “stupid” for her inability to absorb the information required to get the diploma. It hurt to hear her use that word, because that’s not how we see her.
Her husband did all he could to try and change her perspective. We talked about people being measured more by their character than their grades. We concluded that the important thing was that she had honestly given it her best. We prayed that other doors would open for her.
Many months earlier she had struggled with being the victim of a sexual assault. She commented, “I feel ashamed and afraid every time I have to tell the story again.” We did all we could to encourage her to press on. It was important for her assailant to answer for his crime.
We received weekly updates about court appearances. The case was remanded again and again. Laura was worried. “I’m afraid that after all this, he’s actually going to get away with it!” We shared her concern. We prayed for her sense of security in the neighbourhood she is forced to share with her assailant.
She stuck with it, and we all rejoiced in the eventual resolution of the case.
Shortly after the court case, Laura was faced with another challenge.
For years, she hadn’t gotten along real well with her mom. The opportunity presented itself to try to renew their relationship. She reflected, "It feels weird to be so excited and scared at the same time." She shared her hopes and fears with us. We prayed for courage and confidence.
News of her mother’s illness reinforced her courage to try. Laura and her husband started visiting her mom, first at her apartment, then at the hospital. Her mom’s health continued to deteriorate, but the healing in their relationship continued to improve.
Last week she went to attend an evening service at her brother’s church. After the service, she started to head home when she noticed a distraught man seated on a bench outside the church.
She wandered over and asked what was wrong. In the next few minutes, she discovered that he had just returned from the hospital after being sexually assaulted by another man. When he phoned to tell a family member, he was ridiculed. In his despair, he was mumbling about killing himself.
Laura didn’t ridicule him. She looked around for a professional, for anyone who might be better equipped to help this man. But seeing no one, she sat down on the bench. She said, “I know what you mean.”
His skepticism almost outweighed his pain as he looked at her. “What could you know about it?”
She responded simply. “I was hurt too.” And she shared her story. He listened.
She concluded with, “I know what you have to do. You have to talk to the police about this. And after that, you have to pray lots. And find someone else who believes you and will help you.“
The man listened. He seemed calmed by her gentle and unassuming counsel.
Last Sunday, she shared her experience in our church.
For the moment, all her fears, failures and frustrations were wiped away. It was beautiful to observe her pride in what she had been able to share with this man. Her husband shared her pride.
It was hard to imagine this was the same woman who, two weeks earlier, despaired of finding any meaning in life without a high school diploma.
There are people in our neighbourhood who can give you a multitude of reasons for feeling bad about themselves. Not enough education, not enough money, not enough power. Many have been abused. Some have been oppressed. They have been victimized – either by others, the “system,” or even themselves.
For awhile it seemed Laura’s feelings of victimization became, if not an excuse, an explanation for everything that has or would go wrong in her life.
For too long, her fears, frustrations and memories shackled her to a painful past. But in her straining to help someone else, some of those chains were broken.
Last Sunday morning, in Laura’s eyes and in her voice, we were able to observe the death of the “victim” and the emergence of a proud and determined “survivor.” Challenges still abound, but her confidence is growing.
And that’s the core of community revitalization.
Rev. Harry Lehotsky
514 Maryland Street
Winnipeg, Mb R3G 1M5
(204) 775-4929
lehotsky@escape.ca