It’s a privilege when people trust you enough to open up about their problems. It’s also humbling to realize their willingness to be vulnerable is accompanied by an expectation that you will care and perhaps be able to help.
One night last week I visited with a couple in our neighborhood. They were honest about their troubles as well as their desperation to change. Using crack cocaine, struggling with a very rocky past, unemployed and penniless. But they stressed that they wouldn’t be asking me for spare change. What they wanted was some real change – a change of life.
I realized that a request for money would have been easier to deal with than a request for help and change. You can give someone some spare change, walk away, and feel you’ve done your two bits. But if you listen to the problems and involve yourself in the solution, it’s no longer easy to walk away.
These folks had read some of these columns and felt that I might understand their struggles. They had heard about some of our church’s good work in the community. So I met with them, despite my fear of letting them down.
I liked this couple, and I really wanted to help them make important changes in their lives.
As we talked, however, I had to confront some nagging internal doubts. “What do you have to offer someone that’s penniless, jobless, struggling with crack, and a past beyond your comprehension?”
These thoughts are less about inferiority or inadequacy than a realistic reminder of my limitations. I’ll speak the truth as I see it. I’ll encourage. I’ll brainstorm. But, in the end, I know I’ll eventually leave that apartment, and they’ll still be on their own struggling against the night.
Fortunately, they knew we were way past a quick fixes and magic wands. They had traveled a long time in some deep ruts and it would take time and effort to get on a better road. So we had a good talk, a prayer and some resolve to meet again.
As I left their apartment, nothing much had changed about their situation – except now they weren’t quite as alone in the struggle. And we were all moving in the right direction.
In wanting to help others, we are confronted with our own limitations. We face our own fears of failure even as we try to help others past their failures.
I guess that’s what keeps many people from offering any help at all.
Last Friday, I was one of several speakers addressing a gathering of Mennonite leaders wanting to address poverty in Winnipeg.
One person commented on how scary it is to deal with “needy” people. I asked him what he meant.
He responded honestly, “I guess I don’t like failing. I work hard to resolve problems. I judge myself based on how many problems I fix or how much challenges I conquer. I’m driven by achievement. That’s why helping others scares me. I don’t have control over all the factors leading to their success.”
One woman commented, “The issues are so huge! It gets so overwhelming that I don’t even know where to start. You can give up hope before you start.”
But rather than quit in the face of all they couldn’t change, they brainstormed some creative ways to help in community revitalization.
One suggested that at least one of every ten times eating out could be dedicated to exploring some small restaurant in the inner city. They could make a point of occasionally shopping at some smaller business in a struggling community. They could encourage the business owners with their words as well as their cash.
Does this change the world? No. But it does brighten the day of that business owner and it builds a sense of city-wide community.
Another suggestion was that individual suburban churches could partner with a specific block in a neighbourhood like ours. Maybe renovate a house. Perhaps volunteer some time for helping on a community clean-up or barbeque.
Does this eradicate all hunger, crime and poverty? No. But it builds relationships which do more to help than throwing dollars at problems.
Another shared the experience of employers that “tithed” the time of their employees to an inner-city agency or cause. Imagine that! After 36 hours of working for the company, the employer allows his employees to work four hours for some community endeavour. And paradoxically, the employees’ productivity increases rather than decreases.
There’s no magic fix for the morass of urban decay. But there’s always something good you can do as a neighbour.
Rev. Harry Lehotsky
514 Maryland Street
Winnipeg, Mb R3G 1M5
(204) 775-4929
lehotsky@escape.ca