I was pretty sure he’d get it this time. He drove off with the examiner for the road test and I waited in the office for him to return. As I paced around the waiting room, my mind wandered back a few years.
I recognized some of the same feelings of hopeful and nervous anticipation around so many other milestones in the lives of our three boys.
As infants, we wondered if our boys would ever blow their own noses. They used to struggle when they saw the Kleenex coming. They would look at me as if I was some malicious stranger looking to smother them. But we didn’t want them crawling and walking around with crusty, runny noses. So they learned to sit patiently while I wadded the Kleenex and rolled it under their snotty noses, catching and pulling out whatever rolled out. I’m not sure how many Kleenex we went through wondering when they’d finally be able to blow their own noses. But they’re all wiping their own noses now.
Thoughts of wiping brought back memories of another milestone – toilet training. I still remember a friend passing me a book with the preposterous title, “Toilet Training in One Day.” I skimmed the book, purchased lots of candy for bribery (positive reinforcement) and hoped for the best. After a few hours, I knew it would take more than a day. Maybe I didn’t read the instructions closely enough, or perhaps I purchased the wrong candy, but that author obviously didn’t know our kids. Somewhere between our doubts and their accidents, however, they actually trained themselves quite well.
I recalled other momentous occasions in their lives. There were many anxious moments as they learned to walk, run and climb stairs. After that, we fretted about them learning to ride bikes. They learned to brush their own teeth and learned not to cut their own hair. We discussed concerns about school grades, the influence of friends and the interference of enemies.
Then there were some hazardous hobbies and dangerous stunts. I know now that the reason the belt and motor on our clothes dryer needed replacing was because there was a day when the boys and their friends fit inside the dryer and the freezer during games of hide and seek. I remember one of the boys thinking he could drive before the age of ten and starting down the driveway in the car. Another thought he’d try drinking the melted wax from a just-extinguished candle and trying desperately to cough out the hot wax as it hardened.
In the grand scheme of things, I’m thankful these things were no more than trivial pursuits of adolescence.
We realized this was not just about how they dealt with life, it was about how we dealt with our concerns as parents.
Each has learned what it means to work for a wage. For awhile, all of them were working in fast foods. We peeked in on them as they worked at Tim Hortons, McDonalds and Dairy Queen. Each one in a uniform, learning to do for others some of the things we wanted them to do for each other at home. Having worked a bit, they’re now exploring career options.
My reminiscing was interrupted by the return of the van. The examiner instructed my son to park. I waited anxiously for some indication of success from the first person to exit the vehicle.
The examiner was too poker-faced to read his expression, but I could tell from my son’s face he had passed his road test. Like his older brother, a smile and a subtle nod was the signal that we’ve entered a new phase in life.
Five minutes after getting his license, he said he wanted to go out to buy a car right away. As I write this column, the boys are combing through the Auto Trader for how much car they can buy for under $1,500. We’ll have to figure out where to park an extra vehicle. They’ll have to learn to cover gas, insurance and maintenance costs.
One day later, we had our first argument about borrowing the van. It wasn’t real serious. It was more one of those where each of us knew we were playing a role. He knew I had to stick with a prior decision to say no. I knew he would feel compelled to test both my logic and my will.
This whole driving thing is about more than cars and licenses. It’s another stage in their coming of age as young men. And another opportunity to observe our concerns calmed by the growing competence of our kids.
Rev. Harry Lehotsky
514 Maryland Street
Winnipeg, Mb R3G 1M5
(204) 775-4929
lehotsky@escape.ca