There's Ben Nelson and Lauren at the Top. They are my parents. They were never really happy. Ben's a bum and doens't have a job and whatever Money have DOES have he spends on booze. My mother has numerous affairs with foreign "hotties" better looking than my guys. And They live hapily ever after. BEN NELSON SHALL NOT MARRY MURIELL, YOU HOME WRECKER!!!!!!! Ben Nelson did marry her, the little homewrecker! But they divorced swiftly and now Mom is single and lov-ing it, if you catch my drift. And Dda is just a loser again.
My parents had Four kids, Franky the eldest, Caitlin the poor, poor middle kid, Carrie, and me, the beloved youngest and supporter of the family.
Franky, well, he's got problems. He has two girls. Selena and ALicia. ALicia he barely talks to and hardly knows anymore! He says he never wanted these kids! Well he should have thoughten about that when he had premartial SEX with women he can no longer remember except to say that Their Bitches for leaving him these Damn Kids. All he does Know is that his kids don't have the same Mommy. He's a workaholic strugling to do well in school. He also is macking on my adopted daughter rikki. they are "benifiting" eachother. Don't get me wrong, he's cool and everything, but like I said He's got problems. They broke up, though they say they were never together but you want to know what, they were.
Caitlin, well she got it on early in life. She's married to Sammy. The Franchise's have four kids. Lindsay Olhaver, Nate who's the only grankid top be married-to Teresa, Ian, and Crissi, who is the outcast of the family, being teh only kid who goes to a different school and all. They, I would have to say, are the happy ones in our family. There aren't any bums, no anomnomus damn bitches who left them their kid, and no four husbands. Hey, their kids are kinda funny lookin'. Half being tall (Ian, Crissi) and half being short (Nate and Lindsay) but thats ok. Sammy and Caitlin, mostly Sammy, have Disowned Ian!!!!!!!! They sold him to the slaves! He is a Guzzling Cum Slut!
Carrie, I do like her. She knows the Whole Redskin's Fight Song and that's not easy. She's married to the used cottonball Todd Bendel. Whatever makes her happy I suppose. They have a kid named Pat Siebel. They doing it early. She likes Green day and so Do I. WE WENT THE GREEN DAY CONCERRRRRRTTTTT!!!!! She likes the MAN Show too. She tells me to yell quiter but thats ok. She is cool. I love her. Yay.
Now there's me and my eight husbands. I am offically- Jessica Lea Brewer Nelson Dubendorf Wymealynberg Vandrez Feinburg Watkins Smith Jacket Cea Maiselman and Damn Proud of it. There's Chris, my first husband. We got married early, even eariler than Cailtin. Then just as we were getting to be happy, My mother, OH YES, MY MOTHER, had an affair with him and became his mistress!!YES LAUREN. MY MOTHER. I am still in shock. But I divorced the bum-ass mother-affairing bastard and eventually came to forgive Lauren. I never told Dad. Well...until now. Well, Mom your just Shit Out of Luck now aren't ya, you husband-stealing Jazzabelle! Yes, I have found it in my heart to forgive her.
Brandon Wymealonberg is the husband I thought I would be with forever, I had four children with him, well probably anyways. But he refused to aknowledge my or the children's exsistant. He was not married to me he said, the BASTARD! He was also having an affair with a younger girl, he said was his girlfriend. Well I divorced that bastard and will get serious alimony because he can't prove I had affairs! And of course I never never did, all my children are his, and no one else's.
Also Katie K. is my sister in law as well. She is Brandon's sister, but I do like her. She is super cool. I like her shirts and she has a comfy tummy. Yay her.
Spiro and I had a whirlwind kinda relationship. I saw him in the halls and we fell in passionaet love and got married. The kids liked him. He boosted Colleen's height self esteem, it's all good, but after a day the relationship was stale. It was over as quickly as it came. I divorced him and twenty seconds later I got remarried. Hey, you can't control love!!
Kevin Feinburg and I got married two days ago. I liked his stiff, spikey hair. Colleen thought he was a reliable sort. Whatever, I aim to please my children. We'll see what happens. WILL THIS BE FOREVER FOR ME OR IS A FIFTH HUSBAND IN THE HORIZON? WATCH NEXT WEEK FOR MORE OF JESSICA'S SCREWED UP LIFE!
Well it didn't take long for me to get BU-ZY again. I married Mike Watkins for his lookin' like a duckness adn getting up skills but then he was like no. So I divorced him. I also married Kevin's Cousin Jason but then Rikki was macking on him!!!!! Bah. He is gone as well. Jeez first my mom then my daughter.
I had a fun time with my 7th husband. Ben Nelson's Jacket. It was soft and comfy, and wonderful. But Ben Nelson, damn Dad, took him away. Oh no!!!! So I divorced him too.
Then There was Sergio. My eigth husband. He is my best husband yet. The jacket was competition but its penis didn't like me much. He peels potatoes. He has a very nice talkative penis, who likes me and he has cool-ass hair. His name is cea too. CE-A. Cool. I had Janis with him fast and soon we are getting my seventh kid. Sergio and I will have ducks and penquins!!!!! Evryone likes him and he is a good addition to our little society. We are the coolest family ever. FORGIVE ME SERGIO!!! I LOST YOUR CROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because Sergio refuses to talk to me. I divorced him. Consult my What's New in The family Page For Details. Thank You. I was with him for about 6 months. The longest ever.
I am now with Isaac Maiselman, as of 5/12/01. He was my best friend. Colleen liked hima dn so did I so there you go. He;s my husband. He likes to peel potatoes and I find that sexy. We plan to have 43.5 children.
SERGIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. IT'S TIME TO LAUGH! CLICK HERE!
Now there's Megan(Yellow Skittle), who got tall I guess from Brandon (This is teh only kid I am pretty sure is Brandon's...My affairs are usally with someone is about my height so I dont feel midgetty like my mom) but we DO know that she obviously got her bitchin' coolness from me, of course. She is very close to Chris Alvarez as Colleen is to Chris Bendel.
Ah, Colleen. Colleen is married now and she ahs a adopted kid. She is married to outcast. Sabrina is her adopted kid. We are very close as well. She is my purple skittle child. She also got her bitchin' coolness from ME. She was kinda upset that Brandon didn't work out so I comforted her by saying that, he's probably not her real daddy anyway.
Rikki(My faded PINK skittle) was adopted. I did not hide it from her. Hre parents didn't let her eat so I took her. I let her be as slutty as she wants because I know she didn't get that that from me. I still wonder what will become of Colleen and her diggin' pale guys and Megan.
There have been new children!!!!! I had JANIS with Sergio. Janis is me and Sergio's super smart elf child. We make good kids. She is like me and Sergio's best child, and only. But we are getting a new one soon!
I have an child named JAY. He the orange skittle of new kid adoptedness. He has a WHERE'S WALDO like shirt, but it's vertical ,but I thought it anyway. He's neato spiffy. We slept on on colleen's tummy. It was nice. He has mario and he knows the mario song. Woo hoo.
My eigth child is Sweet J!!!!!!!!! I don't know him well but I assume he's "sweet". he's Sergio's Friend. This is what Sergio said about him.
sweet j - james goes to gonzaga and hes punky. punktabulous in fact. knows all the bands. lots of punk trivia in his head. also lots of stuff on government. he has lots of conspiracy theories. he said that big brother, survivor, real world, and road rules were made by the government so that people get used to being on tv, and then one day all of us will be watched by the government! DAMN THE MAN! he wears tight pants. i could never do that. too tight for me.
I have California Twinnnsss!!!!!!! Sergio was afraid he would wear out my vagina so we adopted kids. our son is called Mr. Hi-Fi Banjo Strings after Sergio's grandmother. Our daughter is named Annonymous. I like the name alot. It's wonnnnnderful!
I HAVE TEN KIDS!!!!!!! FOUR ARE ADOPTED!!!!!! BUT WOOOO!!! AM I GETTING SOME ACTION!
For Christmas, I gave Sergio four new children. Justin, Devon, TreeMaster2000, and McGee. Rikki named Justin and Devon, I gave her the honor. Sergio was so excited! So now I have had 8 children with sergio, 6 adopted. I'm sorry, but EL SQUIRTO wears me out!
Todd was my son for awhile but then we kicked him out. Sorry man.
Joe Mallica is Me and Isaac's first kid. He is a big republican the opposite of me and him. He will be a challenge, but Colleen already loves him! It's great!
Can we possibly get a better one than the ones I have????Oh well. Those are my kids. They are the ultimate best in the world. No one is better! MY SKITTLE CHILDREN WILL RULE THE WORLD IN RAINBOWY TYRANNY! BWA HA HA HA!!!
I almost forgot!! Jon is my cousin's sister's brother's father's uncle's wife's mother's granson!!!!! When him and Amber marry...we be be related...and I guess that means Pony is related to me as well....I guess theer are down sides to family....
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