The Cat's Meow

By Gary Curtis

Author's note: This is a tongue-in-cheek poetic 'rebuttal' to, and is inspired by, Mark Morgan's The Professor's Lament, which is a cute, funny and nicely-written poem based on the episode Keen On Keane. No offense intended to any of you Keane-Professor Utonium shippers out there :). If you have not read The Professor's Lament, you should.

I love the girls, don't get me wrong.
But with that man I don't belong.
And now a right has come from wrong.
All thanks to Valentino.

They tricked us both, which wasn't nice.
They thought that they'd be throwing rice.
I bet that Blossom spiked the ice!
But I had Valentino.

I tripped, he caught me by the waist.
I don't know why but we embraced.
I need to get that walk replaced!
You spared me, Valentino!

It must have been that big full moon
That sent me to that teen-girl swoon.
And made me love that grinning loon
And forget Valentino.

He was cool when we were kids.
But bugs in jars with holes in lids.
His boyish charm just hit the skids.
I'm charmed by Valentino!

That surely was a frightful week.
I can't believe I kissed the geek!
I'd rather plant one on the cheek
Of my sweet Valentino.

You precious little ball of fur!
You saved me from that square for sure.
And Mayor, that phoney voyeur.
My hero, Valentino!

We got into a dreadful spat
When he found out I own a cat.
What dog, what ape, what dirty rat
Could not like Valentino?

If Professor hadn't got upset
We would be yakking even yet.
You couldn't want a nicer pet
Than one named Valentino.

Who knows how much you've changed my life?
I might have even been his wife!
In that house with so much strife.
Good one, Valentino!

I get enough of that in school.
Then they go home. With that I'm cool.
They're really sweet but I'm no fool.
Nor are you, Valentino.

No tucking kids in at bedtime.
Or scrubbing collars caked with grime.
My idea of a good time?
A show at a casino!

My life would not be entertaining.
In fact I'd even call it draining.
Listening to a man explaining
Just what is a neutrino.

He's from Mars and I'm from Venus.
But you were there to come between us.
No arms from THIS De Milo Keanus.1
Save for my Valentino!

Who cares they call me an old maid?
I love my job, my bills are paid.
No mouse or man will my home invade
While I've got Valentino!

1 Credit for this goes to BlossomPuffie, from her story 'Brainlessly Blossom'.

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