Ross County FC - not suitable for children

ICT's oldest rivals, Ross County play in a a village in the blackest of Isles.  Originally just another duff Highland League outfit, County stormed into the big time in the 1990s with, er, two Highland Leagues and a Qualifying Cup.  With scaredy cats AC Milan and Real Madrid refusing to let County enter the Champions League they did the next best thing - applied to join the Scottish League.  Since then the tinks have moved up the divisions with the speed and dexterity of Brian Irvine on a dancefloor - ie not much.  However, a big-spending chairman and league reconstruction managed to wangle the fortune-tellers a place alongside ICT in the First Division.  Since then, ICT have resumed their wonderful tradition of giving the gypos from Tinkwall a damn good hiding every time we play them (except of course when we let them win to avoid causing mass suicides among their long-suffering followers).  Having signed failed male model Dick Hastings on a free after he left ICT, County perhaps expected to make an impression on the League this year, but have had to settle for being useless ona regular basis, something that the inbreds who follow them should be used to by now.

do's and don'ts when playing County

DO: take a large clothes peg for use on your nose, in order to keep out the agricultural smells which proliferate in Dingwall. DO:  Make sure you keep hold of your possessions Dingwall tinks will pinch anything. DON'T:  Bump into Billy Ferries on a night out after ICT have humped County DON'T:  Try to buy anything, they haven't got used to decimalisation yet in Dingwall. DON'T:  Attempt to engage in any liason with a member of the opposite sex in Dingwall.  One word: riddled. Just to give further warning, here is photo of the sort of typical Dingwall resident that you would be wise to avoid:

Here is a typical Dingwall family, revealed here in their full horror:

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