Paul had taken to harassing her though writing, mostly about her dormant bisexual nature that was just waiting to be exploited through the halls of Hadburey’s lady college. Or so he hoped anyway. Gabrielle had even gotten a few letters from John, who had heard she was going mad and queer at the same time and felt it his duty to keep her from either of these things. She was surprised he was really more of a comic genius then the big loomy scary bloke she had been imagining. George had one thing to talk about that he could go on and on about for pages and pages. Music. Mostly about the gorgeous Rickenbacker he had fallen in love with at the music store. That or why rock n’ roll was the greatest thing *ever* and that he was devoting his life to become a disciple of it. Shaz talked about how everyone around her seemed to be going batty quite rightly.
To my sadly in the closet friend who knows she wants to have a three way with well-endowed roommate and me. Other wise known as Gabby,
Hello. I have been waiting for three months and have not yet received requested photo’s of you snogging your ‘well endowed’ roommate with syphilis. The only reason I could possibly think off to justify this is that A) You have gotten syphilis from shagging said diseased, yet well endowed roommate and your hands have gotten all shaky like so you can not take this picture for me. Be that the case I would suggest that you first have prudent small-breasted roommate take the picture and then get yourself to a doctor. Or, explanation B) You are still fretting over your sexuality. Fear no more though, it is perfectly ok with me that you are bisexual. See it as an opportunity for kinky sex with me rather then er… something not so good as kinky sex with me.
Waiting for proof of dormant bisexuality that he knows exists,
Paul
Gabrielle always found herself to be torn between sighing heavily at Paul’s hormones, or to hurt him next time she saw him like she always promised to do when she wrote back:
Paulie, my sex crazed friend,
If you want to have sex with me so badly then why do you seem to wish me to be gay? I think it is *YOU* who is uncomfortable with their dormant bisexual nature. I’ve seen the looks you give George. Anyway, I don’t have syphilis either. Oh, and I was groped against a wall last weekend by a boy from the Hadburey’s young men’s college. It was very nice and is also something you’ll never experience. Unless of course George decides to let you grope him up against the wall, which is very unlikely since it is his goal in life to have sex with a woman. Not you.
Gabby
She got one back a week later in which he rambled on about her sexuality and his sexuality and how they should be sexual together with her "diseased yet well endowed roommate" as Paul was constantly referring to Lucy now. And finally, at the end it said "Perhaps you’ve gotten syphilis from Nancy-boy-who-groped-you-against-a-wall."
John’s letters usually consisted of lots of lists.
My dearest lead guitarist’s best friend.
How are you m’dear? I’ve been hearing some absolutely *GASTLY* things about you, you know. How is it that one person can go mad and queer, at the same time?
Then there were two crudely drawn naked woman, hugging each other with arrows pointing to their head that had MAD coming from the end
I have devised a list that will keep you company so that you do not go Mad. As far as going queer, well we can’t help that, I don’t think.
1)Bathe regularly, 2) Have sex (though this may not help you with the whole ‘straight’ thing) 3)Try not to fuck other woman (There you go!) 4) Try not to get syphilis5)Tell everyone you know to buy the new Quarry Men album even though it isn’t in existence quite yet. 6)Don’t encourage Paul 7)Tell George to learn to play ‘Twenty Flight Rock’ without his little ‘dance’ 8)Make George tell you about his ‘dance’ 9)Make Paul tell you about George’s ‘dance’10) Make Sharon (what d’you call that bird….shab? shak?) tell you about George’s ‘dance" 11)If you’re still talking to Charlie, then tell him he’s a sodding bastard who plays the drums worse then George (An insult, you know) 12) Ask him to tell you about George’s ‘dance’ as well13) Don’t eat anything green 14)Better stay away from anything brown, while you’re at it, for that matter, either
Hopefully you will not go mad now. Hopefully not queer either since a body and face as nice as you’ve got would be a shame to waste on other woman.
John Winston Lennon, rock and roll star.
Then he’d signed it with his loopy signature and another drawing that Gabrielle supposed was meant to be him since it was shaking it’s fist (or leg?) and saying "Crazy bad!"
And then George. George and his music and his guitars which went he went on and on about. She had countless pages in a shoe box that she read when she couldn’t sleep at night. All in George’s small scribbley handwriting that was almost illegible. All about the wonders of rock n’ roll, Elvis, Chuck Barry, and sometimes even John and Paul.
Gab,
You won’t believe this but we got a gig. It was at a dance hall so it wasn’t very big. But fucking hell Gab, you should have seen us. It was just the three of us since Charlie quit last week and we couldn’t find another drummer. John rotated Paul and I behind the kit, but I guess he thought I was a better guitarist or something because after three songs he told Paul he was banished to the drums. That wasn’t the greatest part though. Since John can’t play lead and sing at the same time he let me play lead and oh god Gab, you should have seen it. It was just like Elvis I’m telling you. I was a bit pissed so when it got to the Solo for ‘Twenty Flight Rock’ I don’t really remember much of what happened except for the kids screaming and cheering (Ok maybe just clapping enthusiastically) but whatever Paul has told you… it’s not true. God it’s like being in a real band like on radio. Well, that’s all. Oh by the way, there’s a rumor circulating that you had sex with a bird and a guy and you got syphilis from one of them and then went crazy. Could you please tell me next time before you go and do something like that?
I miss you. I love you. I’m going out of my mind
George
She wrote back immediately
George,
John says to have you tell me about you’re dance? Well, what dance was this mate? Oh, I need to you to smack Paul for me, being that he is a rude bastard and I’d do it my self but I’m on the other side of Britain currently. And didn’t I tell you, you would be a rockstar.
I miss you. I love you. I’m going out of my mind (but not from syphilis)
Gab.
PS: Oh and I still like men very much thanks.
Shaz wrote her as well.
Gabby,
Is Paul just being himself again (as in a bastard) or were you groped up against a wall by a womanly man (or manly woman) and then got syphilis. If you’d like I could hit Paul for you. I wouldn’t mind. Charlie quit the band. Says it was because of the sort of elitism that goes on with John and Paul. I can’t blame him really. George worships the ground that Lennon walks on so I doubt very much that he’ll be leaving any time soon. Oh and has anyone told you what George did at that dance hall gig they played last week? Oh god, I about pissed my self with laugher. But really. Has everyone gone mad?
Love, Shaz
Gabrielle showed some of the letters to Lucy and Lori. Lucy thought that they should do as Paul asked but Gabrielle knew that if she did that the pictures would end up spread over Liverpool within twenty-four hours. Instead she took one of Lucy walking around in her underwear. On the back she wrote "Paul- This is diseased-yet-well-endowed-roommate. Now that you’ve seen her and you’ve found out she isn’t blonde or very pretty you’ll have to stop wanking off with the image of us snogging in your head. So hah. Now please stop telling everyone I’ve got syphilis"