The Hilarious House of Frightenstein Tribute Page - Grizelda, the Ghastly Gourmet
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Grizelda's Theme and Intro
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[wav] 221k
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Grizelda - "Cauldron, Cauldron..."
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[wav] 297k
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[mp3] 73k
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Grizelda's Intro by Vincent Price
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[wav] 506k
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[mp3] 619k
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 Grizelda is the castle witch, and a homelier one you are not likely to see. Played by Delilah Hawthorne, Grizelda is the only female character in the show, and her lair is the kitchen. Her character was probably influenced by Graham Kerr's "The Galloping Gourmet", which can currently be seen on FoodTV in Canada at 12:30pm weekdays. Sporting long dirty black hair, a nose and chin so protruding they nearly touch, and filthy forearms and hands, Grizelda naturally assumes she is a STUNNING BEAUTY and never passes up the chance to compliment herself. The cooking sketch featuring Grizelda is a staple of the show, and appears in every episode. In each sketch Grizelda prepares a tasty treat from her recipe book, something with a fancy alliterative title which invariably involves flour (which she sprays about, leaving a cloud in the air), and an egg (which she spikes into the mixing bowl with great flourish). The last ingredient is given special consideration, and Grizelda has to cross the kitchen each time to fetch it from a shelf in her "pantry". On the way she pays a visit to her friend Polly the stuffed bird, reading the message on a rolled up note in its beak, making some crack, and then topping it off with a parting smack on the head. The last ingredient goes straight into the cauldron with a big splash, then Grizelda grabs the mixing bowl and... WATCH YOUR HEAD!! She almost never fails to crank face-first into the big brass pot hanging from the ceiling beam (why doesn't she move that thing?).  After recovering, it's into the cauldron you go! with the rest of the ingredients. "Cauldron cauldron, toil and trouble, cauldron boil, and cauldron bubble!" seem to be the magic words, and with a little stirring the concoction is ready for tasters... One big slurp later the effect of her hazardous cooking shows, as she staggers around like she's been poisoned, or else sucks in her cheeks to make a fish face. Finally she ends the sketch by declaring the day's effort another bomb.
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A few example recipe names:
Large Long Lucifer's Lamb and Lizard Luncheon
Shank of Sherman Succotashed Frappe
Grangangee Slop Frumpets, with Lava Oil Topping
Ron Rio Grande's Wretched Rancid Runny Roast Rattlesnake
Some of Grizelda's favourite ingredients:
pig intestines
buzzards' beaks
Mark's toenails
Sacred Cow Milk
Buzzard Mountain Goat Milk
old egg shells
green coffee beans
entrails of an owl
pork fat
used tampons
chicken livers
Examples of final ingredients:
wood shavings
a styrofoam Ostrich egg
a whole string of garlic
a beehive
a tennis ball
People Grizelda has said "Eat your heart out!" to:
Hillary Clinton
Pamela Anderson
Jenna
Madonna
Julia Roberts
Britney Spears (that tramp!)
Nicole Kidman
Heather Graham
Delilah Hawthorne
Meg Ryan
More Grizelda Sounds! (note the different voices)
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Grizelda - "Bats and Cauldrons"
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[mp3] 492k
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Grizelda - "Delilah Hawthorne, eat your..."
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[wav] 44k
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[mp3] 92k
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Grizelda - "Up Up and Away..."
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[wav] 72k
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Grizelda - "Doubt if I'll ever eat..."
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[wav] 72k
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Grizelda - "Women of the world..."
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[wav] 49k
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Grizelda - "Dig my vaccuum cleaner..."
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[wav] 132k
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Grizelda - "As you well know..."
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[wav] 22k
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Grizelda - "One Potatoe, Two Tomato"
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[mp3] 95k
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Grizelda - "Grangangee Slop Frumpets"
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[mp3] 63k
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Grizelda also appears regularly in a sketch with Harvey Wallbanger, where she answers questions on manners and etiquette supposedly sent in by the younger viewers (see the Harvey Wallbanger section of the Other Characters page). Her expertise is highly dubious, but frequently good for a laugh.
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