BAGPIPERS ANNOY THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME

I hate bagpipers and the annoying noise they make. It is so annoying when they blow into those damn instruments and that stupid sound of high pitched screams of babies. And it seems like at every firefighter or police funeral there is a group of dumbass morons wearing those plaid skirts (in politically correct terms it's known as a kilt) while blowing away on thir pipes playing "Amazing Grace". That song annoys the hell out of me too. The song is old, time to throw it away. So are bagpipes. We don't live on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond. We live in America. Go take your bagpipe and blow it in Scotland. You're pissing me off.

One time I saw a bagpiper walking to the cemetary to play his pipes at the tombstone of some person. He started playing, and the damn music got me really pissed. I went up to the guy, shoved the bagpipe up his ass, and I started beating his nuts with a shovel until he pissed himself. I took the shovel, dug a hole, and buried him alive. With concrete.

If I was dead and someone started playing their bagpipe over my grave, I'd wake up and kick some ass. I'd be a zombie and I'd emerge out from the ground like a kickass Sioux Warrior. Oh man Sioux Warriors kick ass. Then I'd say in a really scary voice that would make the bagpiper shit himself, "You fucking bastard! That dumbass music pisses me off! I am going to eat you! AAHHH!" Then he'd try to run away. But he couldn't run away because I touched his legs with my hand, and that made his nuts explode. Then he'd try to crawl away but I'd just eat him and then I'd run all over town eating babies and dogs. Then I'd be so powerful that if anyone tried to touch me, they'd make diarrhea on themselves and then explode HARD, harder than my big boner, if that's even possible. What does this have to do with bagpipers? I'll never find out.


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