How I miss the days when men were tough, women stayed in the house and did what the husband said, and when the abnoxious little shits (aka chilren) were kept off TV. I'm talking about when men like Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, and Robert Redford ran around like crazy wild cavemen with pistols, shooting any moron who got in their way, lashing people with whips, and humping hot chicks. The days when people ate Cheerios and Corn Flakes for breakfast, not this sissy sugar coated imitation cereal that you people call Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops. What the hell is Fruit Loops anyway, a gay cereal? I guess this is what people eat, and eating it turns men into fashion designers who run around the nation transforming ass kicking buff men into sissies who dress like gay male models. These sugar coated cereals will cause the extinction of men and the multiplication of the "queer eye" species. When people only ate Cheerios, life was good. Men didn't turn fat (because Cheerios even helps people with cholestorol, adding more to the reasons why it rules.) Men ran TV, not kids. But today, kids run TV. There was this kid on TV yelling "Me... Want... HONEY COMB!" Yeah? Well "Me... Want... to KICK YOUR ASS!" Who do you think you are you spoiled piece of shit? You think you can get whatever you want? *BAM* That's the sound of me chopping off the kid's head with one finger, because eating Cheerios makes me a tough piece of shit. I originally turned on the TV to watch football, but I got slammed with another cereal commercial, this time for Frosted Flakes and that damn tiger. I wish someone would eat him. He'd be GRRRREAT... on a pizza with Tabasco.

Kids today are sissies. They eat bowls of sugar for breakfast everyday, and it rots their brain. Then they bitch to their hardworking parents about wanting a new box of Cocoa Puffs when they haven't even finished the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Then they cry and scream when their parents say NO. You are what you eat. You eat sugar coated crap and you expect to live in a sugar coated world where all your wishes are granted by that damn leprechaun on the Lucky Charms box. Well tough shit. If I was a parent with a brat (which wouldn't happen since I'd make my child's life like Marine Corps boot camp starting from day 1) I'd pull out the broom, beat some ass, and make the kid eat pencil shavings for a week. Spoiled little shits and their dumbass parents. Learn some fucking discipline and don't let them eat sugar for breakfast.

One day, I decided to try Lucky Charms to see why so many idiots eat it. Being that the cereal was lucky (otherwise it wouldn't be called Lucky Charms) I scooped a spoonful, said in a loud voice, "I wish for an enourmous penis," and I took a bite. Alas, nothing. I tried again. Still, nothing. My theory was proved correct, Lucky Charms are not lucky. I was so pissed because I bought the whole box. I decided to vent my anger by breaking into the neighbor's yard and I ate their dog. I left them the rest of the Lucky Charms in exchange for the dog (my neighbor's a fatass, and I bet he actually thinks it's lucky, bwahaha.)

© The Best Person in the World 2003
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