GET RID OF CHICK FLICKS:
WE NEED MORE WEAPONS

I'm sick. Sick and tired of these damn "feel-good, romantic comedy of the year" heaps of bullshit also known as chick flicks. Whatever happened to kickass movies like "Rambo", "Saving Private Ryan", and "Black Hawk Down"? I'll tell you why they're all disappearing. The goddamned feminists are trying to brainwash us into making them queen of the world, and the first step is to shove their propaganda down our throats. Damn them. We must act to save the lives of kickass action movies NOW!

Every chick flick is the same. Some asshole falls in love with another pubeless idiot and one of them works to earn the affection of the other but there are stupid obstacles like hostile family members or the main characters are co-workers so their boss is constantly watching them, or one of them is the boss. One way to make the story more interesting: one of the stars should kill the hostile parents or the suspicious boss and then have a hot rowdy 1 hour sex scene. But feminists continue to chant "porn is degrading to women" so that will never happen. My solution: burn all the tapes and DVDs of chick flick movies in one blazing pile and then push the feminists into the inferno. Man that plan rules. Then we can revive the ass kicking movies. Wait. We can film the feminists being burned in the pile of fire and make that into a movie. THAT MOVIE WOULD KICK ASS. I can't believe I didn't think about this before. That movie would also win an Oscar, because I'd kill everyone in the Academy and the Academy would just be me.

Or, we can kill all the skinny feminists but keep all the fat ones. Then we throw the fat ladies into a staduim and lock the doors so they can't get out. Then we get a bunch of midgets armed with baseball bats to chase the fat ladies and try to kill them. That would be soooo sweeeeet. The fat ladies would be trying to run away from the midgets with baseball bats, but they can't, because they're fat! Then, when they get tired, the midgets would catch up to them and beat them to death with baseball bats. Then when the fat ladies have been beaten to death, we can roast them on a stake over an open fire and eat them. MMM, roasted fat lady! Yes, roasting fat ladies after being beat to death by midgets is a kickass idea. But other people think we should broil the fat ladies. Those people don't know anything. What in the hell does this have to do with chick flicks? I'll be damned if I ever find out.


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Copyright THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD 2003
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